======= Date Modified 02 Mar 2010 19:58:43 =======
Thanks Sue,
I almost did, luckily I saved the tears for his wife in the lab - who understands what a prick he can be!
But then as you'll see in thread he keeps going on about me coming back so I said - why would i come back when I'm obviously totally rubbish, I clearly just need to get this done and not darken the labs any more!
He didn't respond, just kept on reading and tutting - my comments don't seem to get through to him, I think he thinks i'm being sarcastic - who's stupid eh! :)
The problem is these days, I really don't think I am clever anymore, I've struggled my whole life to try and prove i'm not and now I don't think I am, so why try to prove something I'm not! I just want to cry and then go outside and burn every paper/mindmap and tell tale sign of this whole ordeal!
If only I could get on with my career without getting some kind of achievement for all the work, emotion and anxiety over these 3-4 years, I would probably not bother!

Ok, this might turn out long and I apologise for the rant in advance.
As some of you will know I'm down to the last 6months before submission,but couldn't afford to not work therefore I have a full time, brain demanding job with silly hours. i'm write whenever I can, but struggling to get any good runs (full days etc). I had AM off yesterday so went to see sup with the my second chapter,he had seen most of it and i've been working on the discussion. I'm not very good at discussions, and wanted to let him see the initial part i'd written (only draft and not had chance to read over last bit i'd written before this meeting). I also wanted some guidance on whether I was going down the right route as I suspected I wasn't.
Anyway, he told me that it was all a load of rubbish, i'm going into too much detail, wrong direction and start again.This is fine i guess and half expected, but it was the way he acted.
He's been an awful sup, never around, he also has no idea about recent techniques as hasn't set foot in a lab for almost 10 years-he knows the theory obviously but non of the practicalities. The lab unfortunately has not had much funding over the last few years, going from a very strong lab to basically just me, therefore I've had no postdoc support, and spent much of my time writing grants to keep his lab going -I brought in really the only funding there's been in the last 3 years!
Anyway, throughout my time I have met with him semi regularly but he's just asked what i'm working on and left me to it, no support on the day to day work at all.Never read anything i've written, and is now just completely putting me down.

He just laughed and sighed continuously at what I had written, and said things like "was this written at 3 in the morning" (my response almost - 11pm!) and "do you REALLY have an honours in microbiology".
This just felt like an arrow through my heart, as if over the last few years with failing experiments and no support I've not lost enough confidence in myself, he just put me to the bottom.He sat and had a go at me for working in the place I am, for pretty rubbish money and not doing more towards the PhD. Disappointed that i'm not going to conferences and still doing odd experiments in the lab.
I think he's ashamed of the job i'm doing, which is in public engagement, I love it and after the experience I've had I never want to step foot in a lab again! I think he's still hoping i'll come back to the lab and telling me not to let anyone know i've left- which they all do as I have good friends in the lab block and they all know what i'm doing now, therefore I can only assume he's ashamed to let people know what i'm doing-and possibly worried he's going to lose his lab.
Anyway, I just don't know what to do, i'm so tired and just don't know where to start. Hopes of July finish are vanishing. There's so many reasons to get this done but my heart is not in it and he just keeps taking all determination away from me. :-s

Meeting yesterday (full thread coming up to try and vent some anger!) but for those on this thread how about this soul shattering comment:

"This is rubbish, do you REALLY have an honours degree in Microbiology...."

I am losing the will to keep going, as if i hadn't lost enough confidence in myself through the course of this stupid PhD!

haha, i'm not sure really! I love comfortable shoes to be honest - and in these times especially if cosy and water tight! :) Although I do have a lot of not so comfy pretty shoes but as i get older they don't get worn so much! Bunions hurt! :-s

However, really i think the man/shoes theory is a strange one, but I do hate shoes that are completely scruffy and look like they've never been cleaned since the day they were bought! but as I say - my partner won't let me clean his he likes the look! so i guess it has no bearing on my love for him - I wouldn't worry slizor! Apologies for the random comment - its friday night, i'm tired and i've been baking for my sisters birthday party all night!

Hey Dan,

Having nothing much to add as everyone has said all the important stuff! but here's one my Nana always said and personally I find it quite important -

Always wear nice shoes!!! (she used to say you can judge alot about a man from his shoes - if he looks after them he'll look after you!! :) )

I'm not sure how much I heeded this as my long term partner has horrid shoes that are scruffy and falling apart, but I love him anyway so I guess it doesn't really matter with the right person! But first impressions count and therefore so do shoes....!

Does it show that I luuuuuuurvvvvvvvve shoes! :)
Good luck, enjoy yourself and relax! i'm very jealous, love abit of Rachmaninov!

Hi Jojo, what a great thread, i've been meaning to set one up on discussions for last week or so. I'm working on my writing part time (very at the moment!), and its such a struggle to keep the discussive ideas in my head!
My first two results chapters are almost complete except for their discussions, i've been working on the first one this last week and at the start found some flow as I had ideas of what i wanted to talk about, but finding it really difficult to pull the ideas together concisely!
I also, while trying to find papers, keep reading them and thinking..oh should that have gone in intro/lit review etc...there seems to be an infinite number of surrounding papers out there but not the specific ones I want.

I think my main problem is knowing exactly what I want to say, my results aren't brilliant with a clear path and so I feel like i'm wishy washing around them all. What I have written (1200 words - what should discussions in chapters be about??) i'm quite happy with for first draft but i still have quite a lot to write about and don't know quite how to angle it.

Mathkitty, I like the idea, i'll try that when I find the time (see 6months post for depressing lack of time info). I think I just don't know how to take all the things and link them etc, so this technique might be the key.

Good luck anyway Jojo, you're almost there, so close to the end so just keep plugging away slowly but surely and it will all fall into place!

hey folks!
Wow, much posting! :)
Welcome Eeeris, it's good to have you here, do not stress and be anxious, we will all get there in the end, I hope you find the suggestions helpful. I should probably take my own at advice and not stress but this week has got mental and my phd self is feeling helpless!

My day job is getting more and more messy hours wise, what started out as mostly 9-5 with plenty time for writing is becoming more and more haphazard, I am working the next 3 saturdays and don't seem able to get any full days off to make up for it due to some many projects etc. I do love the job but i'm worried its pushing getting thesis out of the way aside!
This week i've had yesterday and tomorrow off, but i'm looking after my nephew who's got a terrible tummy bug, I really don't mind, its what i'm here for and i like to be able to help my sister out (she deserves some help after always having to put up with me!). But I was hoping I'd manage to get some work done as he is sleeping alot, but didn't happen, poor wee mite just wants to be held constantly so only managed to read couple of papers yesterday and no writing.
Anyway, not much I can do except plugging away when possible, I'm sure I can pull it all together with final final submission for September, but i do so want to be done for the summer! I've been trying so hard with coming home at nights and getting straight into the books as it were, but it seems the world is against me getting it done! :-s

Oh well, there's my moan over! i'm shattered and need to be at my sisters very early tomorrow so must be off to duvet land!

Congratulations Dr Seeker on your successful tomato-ing - I keep meaning to get my cupcake timer out and trying it!
AL (up)

Good to hear you sounding more positive Sue, and very glad to hear you had last night off! You deserve it, and shouldn't allow yourself to not have any time off like that over a fortnight - no wonder you were stressed out!!

Wow, thats brilliant progress Sue! Once you've done that its time for a reward for yourself I think! A day out with friends or family or a shopping day or something!
I've decided if i can get first two results chapters off for first draft by Easter i'm going to take a long weekend to see my best friend who's pregnant (i'm missing her like crazy)! Would be an awesome reward and its spurring me on to get on with it!

good luck with your week, i'm sure you can do it!

Hi folks, hope all is going well?

Sue - I hope you're not stressing too much about all these decisions, time will tell and right now I would just concentrate on the thesis, then you can clear your brain of it all, relax and see your decisions more clearly.

I've had a very unproductive weekend of work, managed to get a couple hours done tonight, read a couple papers towards a little paragraph of argument and made a draft of it, but my brain is switched off. On the up side my partner and I have spent some quality time together, seen a few friends, relaxed and i'm feeling quite refreshed! :)
Going to have to get some serious work done over next couple of weeks but have sisters 30th next weekend, and my nephew is full of sickness bug so gotta go help with the babysitting while sis works couple days this week - hopefully he'll be sleeping lots and can get some reading done, but such is life! Luckily had hours to take back from work, but had planned on full study days - so we'll see.

right, i'm off to chill before bed, I have a big day tomorrow running a new project I started at my new job so need a clear awake head!
Hope you've all had good weekends whatever you've been doing! a relaxed AL x

Glad to be of any use Satchi!
Thats interesting Bilbo, I have started a master document bringing in subdocuments etc, and had planned to use this! But I keep hearing people who are collating at the moment saying its an absolute pain in the a**! I'm sure I will give it a try, but then if i'm formatting as I go along it might make it more troublesome and mess everything up! Will cross that bridge when I come to it I guess as it's quite a while away! :(

Hope you're enjoying your relaxation time Bilbo, you got a viva date yet?

Thanks for response Satchi, hopefully this should be ok now! but yeah not as easy to always do certain formatting things on macoffice! luckily have access to windows too, but I find it does mess up all that styles and figures sometimes, so try to do it all with mac if possible!

fixed now though - phew!

Ok no worries, i've just managed to fix this the moment I posted this! typical! :$

For anyone struggling with this in future (although maybe its just ditsy me!) each section formats its own page numbers, so at start of document use start at number:, but then scroll to top of each section and change to continue from last section!

Feel very stupid now, as it was so easy! right, time to do bit of reading before risotto making! :p

Hi everyone,

Ok, this should be such a small thing but its driving me up the wall. I use mac office (the newer one), and I really don't want to use master document to put whole thing together as it seems to always cause major stress! So I just want to be able to carry on the page numbers from one chapter into the other! This should be a simple, format page numbers start from: 53....etc. However, it does this fine for the first page of the next chapter, but my document seems to have cut itself into sections, and at the start of each section restarts at page 53 again! I can't seem to be able to remove this section formatting and its starting to drive me insane! I have tons of work to do and this should be a seemless task....!

Everything like this,styles etc always seems to go from being a simple 5 minute job to endless messing around - and i promise you all i'm not a computer idiot! :)

Any help with this would be amazing!
Cheers, AL

wow Eska, you made my mouth water! I don't know what your tone in your head was in writing that! but you could totally do that as an Marks and sparks advert for pancake day! :)

Thanks Teek! I did, I slept right through too :)
Just at day job, having lunch and going to have a read over my work from last night. Totally worn out today though, think i may have this evening off as a treat, and then back to it on thursday!

Hope you're making good progress, word counts can be quite depressing eh! just remember a night of note taking is just as important and its quality not quantity! :)

Keep smiling - and eat some pancakes, it's Ash wednesday (are we still allowed?)