Hi Everyone,

Thank you sooo much for your advice (I am taking note of everything that has been said/advised). Reading your messages really does make me feel much better about myself/everything, and it's always good to hear about other peoples experience (those who are going through and have been through it).

Update - I have decided not to quit and to try and keep going with this thing (partly because my lottery numbers didn't come up tonight - ha ha), and I received a *very* supportive email from my supervisor today which was reassuring to read.

Thank you all so much for your advice - it has made me feel better.

Ann - You are going to make a fab supervisor, and I really think there should be an additional page on this site dedicated to 'Advice by Ann'.

I just emailed my supervisor (again) and told him (again) about how I'm feeling at the moment. My supervisor is very good, and I know he will reply with a very sensible/understanding response.

Filmfundi - I do try meditating, but as soon as I look at my work I get into a state again. I think I maybe need to make more a concerted effort to stop, breathe, and tell myself I can get through this.

My problem is, as soon as I start a chapter I want it all to be over and done with straight away. I forget that it takes 'small steps', and that the 'small steps' will result in a 'huge leap'.

I know that I'm my own worse enemy, but (as some out there might understand) at times, it's just - well - hard.

Ann - PS Have you thought about a career in (PhD) counselling??? ... you'd make a fortune!!! Alternatively, you could write a book on what doing a PhD is REALLY like (much needed me thinks!).

Ann - As always, everything you say makes a lot of sense and is very helpful (you are a star!). It's really reassuring to know that this is 'normal' (i.e. heightened stress at this stage), and that there will be a period of 'calm' to follow (I always knew it would get harder/worse, and I really do hope this is as bad as it gets!).

I'm just so sick and tired/fed up/exhausted with the PhD, and just want my life back (... my 3 year 'deadline' is up this summer, and my supervisor thinks I should be in a position to submit a couple of months over the deadline if I can keep the momentum up - although I'll be happy if it's before December ... which it has to be for financial reasons).

I really don't want this process to 'beat me' - it just hard to keep going at times (... I know you understand what I'm trying to say).

THANK YOU!!!

Rick - I appreciate what you are saying, but I do know that I am suffering from depression (I don't really want to go into details, but it's always been there and has not been helped with the added pressure/stress of doing a PhD).

Fluffymonster - Your advice is helpful. I'm definitely getting caught up with the 'big picture' and should try to focus on writing each section. Did you do a social science PhD? My concern is they aren't going to think I've chosen the 'right theory' for each section - although I understand I can't read everything. Do I just need to be able to justify (by the viva) why I selected the theorists I'm using? (I'm using 'big cheeses' who cover general points - as I'm giving broad overviews of issues - if that makes sense.)

Adem - I'm aware that there is a world out there and other people have 'bigger' problems in the grand scheme of things. The thing is, I've coped with 'bigger things' in my life, but this is the one thing I can't seem to deal with. Also, because of the way my life has panned out, I DO need to get this PhD (if I don't get it, I'll spend my life feeling like a failure/and will result in depression - I know myself too well - but the process is sending me mad/into severe depression).

I've just got to get on with it haven't I?

Sue - thanks for your response. The problem is, I know the degree of stress I feel is normal to most PhD students. However, the crying fits/panic attacks are very far from normal ... I accept that I am suffering from depression. Also, I eat loads of Brazil nuts (yum!), and eat a very healthy diet. I'm not in a position to take a break, as in my mind, the problem is still there when I return (and I have to have this chapter completed by mid/end of April, or I'm going to fall very behind - my bursary runs out in the summer!). I just feel totally lost, and feel like I'm kidding myself about being able to do a PhD.

CONTINUED ...

If I do write something, I'm also convinced that in the long-term, it's going to fail anyway.

My head has been bad in the past, but never this bad. Should I quit? What should I do?

CONTINUED ...

I do struggle with work, but I've never felt this unconfident about a chapter (I can usually see connections in the theory - even if the writing is still a huge struggle). It's the hardest chapter I've had to do to date, and I'm not sure that's 'normal' (shouldn't the final big chapter left to write be the 'easiest'?). Does the fact it's so hard mean I'm doing something wrong? (... or could it be a case that because I'm not familiar with this theory, my brain is finding it harder to process/wrap my head around than previous stuff?)

I'm just worried that if I write something, it's going to be all wrong and then I'll have to start again - I haven't got it in me. I want to try and get it as right as possible (as with my other chapters) the first time round, and am convinced that this is the chapter that I'm never going to be able to do (i.e. I've been kidding myself that I'm able to do a PhD, and this is my 'wake-up' call).

I'm currently trying to write my final chapter (got intro and conclusion left after this), and I don't know what's happening to me ... I just can't do it.

Yesterday (whilst trying to structure it) I spent the whole day crying (hysterically most of the time), had numerous panic attacks, and my flat mate thought I was losing my mind (at points I was on the floor in a heap crying and telling myself over and over again that nothing made sense/I'd done it all wrong/I had to get it right).

I just can't see any 'flow' in my work, am not confident/familiar with the theories (the more I look at work, the more words seem to 'run around' on the page), am worried I'm not using the right theoretical stuff, etc, etc, etc. My supervisor - who is great - tries to reassure me by saying that I'm always uncertain about my work, but the work I produce is good (this is reassuring, but places more stress on me as I always look back on my work trying to work out how I wrote it, and then get stressed about trying to write to the same standard again).

I am 'digging that tune' to!!! The song just makes me want to get up and shake my booty!

Just out of curiosity snoopdog ... how far into your PhD are you (or have you completed)?

Well done Tina - you should be very chuffed with yourself. Just a few quickie questions ...

What subject area is your research in? What kind of questions did they ask (any general questions the rest of us should consider when we are nearer viva stage)? Is it true that if you show one sign of 'weakness' they 'swoop in' on you (i.e. go for 'the kill')?

I agree with most of what has been said ... for the majority of people, it will take 3 years plus. However, I do know a couple of exceptional cases who managed to conduct studies/write up in less time (one took 2 years, the other 2 and a half - they didn't submit until 3 year deadline though!). BUT ... as I stressed, they were (very) exceptional cases!!!

Writing up is not straightforward/easy ... it gets harder and harder so will longer than you think!

I know someone who was registered as 'PhD direct' - so policies must vary from uni to uni (and also course/department specific).

As Ann suggested ... speak to the research administrator at the uni you are applying to - they'll be able to clarify this point for you.