Hi, will tell you a bit about my story, though different from yours I hope it helps.

I found out I was pregnant in my 2nd year (undergrad) at uni. I was really scared as I had 2 kids already, one was 5 and the other was 2. I did not have any family support. I was very worried and cried most of the time (because my previous pregnancies had been very difficult - I suffered with morning sickness and a debilitating condition called SPD). My hubby was worried because of the problems I had had in the past. However I decided that the worst thing that could happen was that I would defer my studies for the next year.

I continued with my studies and people at uni were very helpful. I was on crutches for 6 months of my pregnancy due to a condition called SPD (symphisis pubis dysfunction). I was quite small and carrying a big baby. I was working part time in an administrative role and my colleagues were great. The only thing that bothered me during the pregnancy was that I felt quite sleepy and tired lol for the last few months of the pregnancy. I worked till 3 weeks before the due date. I realise that everyone is different, but I managed to do really well and passed all my exams with no resits. Financially we did not struggle as I was earning a reasonably good wage and so was my hubby.

While PhD is way different from undergrad, I would advise you to go part time if you can, to allow you to plan and sort out your antenatal visits, childcare, support network, and just getting used to your little one without being under intense pressure. I also belonged to a very supportive forum on the net where I found some people in the same situation as me.

I went on to do my masters degree full time when my little one was 10 months old. He did really well at nursery because his brother was at the same nursery. I have just embarked on a PhD and my youngest is now 3.

If you decide to do your PhD after your little one is born, thats still okay, as you will be able to enjoy your pregnancy without added uni pressures. If you decide to go agead with your PhD, try and go part time and see how that goes, make sure you get time to rest. We are women, mothers, wives, sisters, friends, and we are allowed to take it easy when the going gets tough. I laugh sometimes and call myself six in one, as I am a student, wife, mother, cook, chauffer, and whatever else I need to be to make my life complete. I lost my 20 year old brother last year and have realised life is too short. I'm sure he would have loved to live till he had a family or a child of his own. In a nutshell I have learnt to be grateful for my life journey as each one's experience is unique and different.

Wishing you all the best in your motherhood journey as well as your PhD journey.

If you need any support or need to ask any questions, feel free to inbox me.

Hello Bewildered

My supervisor did not mention that its not viable. He did not even look at it, in the first meeting he just said to me "proposals can be changed anytime". Since then he keeps hammering that:-

1) I have plenty of industry experience that can be used for a journal paper that he is currently working on and he wants the paper completed by December.

2) I should read on his subject area interest so I can use this in my research - I see this as deviating from my initial research.

My research is in health technology management (strategy). I will be dealing with managers in the NHS. I will not be dealing with service users (patients) during my research.

He has been asking me to introduce him to my colleagues in the NHS to partner with him on 2 other projects he is seeking funding for. I have no problem with this, but surely I am attending these meetings for supervison not for interogation of my colleagues, industry, contacts, discussion of his projects etc. He has even asked me to do his proposal for him and hand it in by Tuesday. I get the impression he is under pressure to perform his duties and is trying to offload his work on me. In any case I have met with him 3 times in just over a month. All my other PhD colleagues meet their supervisor once a month. I would not have an issue meeting with him if he wanted to discuss my research. I couldn't believe it when he gave me a bundle of his paperwork to go and read and do a business case write up for him and e-mail it to him by Tuesday. He said he reckons I have more experience and have more to offer in the business case. SURELY this is not what I signed up for.

I am now exhausted trying to think of all the possible reasons why he would do this. I am stressed and feel my research has not even been given a chance. The more I think about it, I keep thinking this is abuse of his power as a supervisor as he is dictating more than guiding and supervising. Could it be that men from certain cultures feel they must dominate females??? Surely this dictatorial behaviour has no place in an academic setting.

He is Indian. While I have Indian friends, been taught at uni before and worked with many Indian people, my supervisor's accent is very strong and I realy struggle to understand him because of the language issues.

Our meetings take so long because of this language issue. Not sure how one can cope for 4-5 years.

As I said before, I myself am not english so its not anything to do with race.

Thankyou for the reply Dr Jeckyl.

The project that my Supervisor is requesting funding for has nothing to do with me. He is hoping to apply and get funding for the university. There is no guarantee that I will be funded. He has not mentioned this. It seems at the moment he is preoccupied with wanting me to get him well connected in the industry, write his journal paper and make a business case for his project. Is it reasonable for one to have done completely nothing in just over a months duration of having started the PhD. I am paying for my PhD and as mentioned earlier, I feel its not worth travelling a 2 way journey each way to uni only to cover my supervisor's work. For him to tell me that I have a long time to complete my PhD is taking the mick. I expect to get my money's worth and get better supervision. He will not even consider discussing my research, each time I do, he interupts and brings in his research interests. I thought this was my PhD not my second job (to do his research).

Morally I think its wrong for him to expect me to do his work, i.e make a case for why he/the uni should get funding, thats why he is getting paid.

I know of other students who started at the same time as me, who have already started working on their introduction and literature reviews. They have set targets with their supervisors and are busy with their research now. In the mean time I am being told to go and read up on my supervisors area of interest (which by the way has nothing to do with my research). Apart from all this there is a language issue - I struggle to understand his english. He has a strong accent. What is one to do???? By the way I am not English and am not against anyone who is not, but this is affecting my studies.

My MSc supervisor did not have the same research interests as me per se but he was able to supervise me especially regarding the application of research. I would have thought this would somehow be the same. Why employ people when they cant supervise students or speak decent english.

Sorry if I sound unreasonable. It seems this has been a waste of my time and money. How do I deal with this tactfully??

Thankyou Delta, thank God for this forum. Reading your response brought clarity, as it seemed my mind was so clouded with all thats gone on and I couldn't think clearly.

My gut instinct tells me to change departments. I have seen two potential supervisors in another department. Is it within my rights to request for a change in department??? This is still within line of my research, as my research was a cross between management and information. I am thinking of requesting to be moved to the school of information studies. However I don't know if this is something one can do.

Taking up the other uni offer seems good, but I wonder if I fear travelling all that way and get let down again.

I am so grateful for this forum. Thankyou again.

Regards

Chelsea

Delta

Thankyou so much for the response. I was thinking of requesting for a different supervisor based on the above facts, but I don't know what impact that would have on my future in the department.

Coincidentally I received an acceptance letter from another uni that I had previously applied to and they would like me to start on 1st November. The offer is in a department that is related directly to my research and both supervisors are familiar with my research area (there is also a research group in that area), which seems ideal. The only disadvantage is that it is 7 hours away from where I live. I have children, so I would have to think of relocating at some point if I were to take up that offer. My husband however has been quite supportive and is willing to move.

I would be interested in your thoughts regarding the first option of changing supervisors, do you think that would have a negative impact in the future??? I would appreciate anyone else's thoughts on this, I know most of you have got a lot of experience in this area, please share your thoughts.

Thanks again

Chelsea

Hello everyone, I aplogise for writing a long one.

I started my PhD (part time) end of September 2012 and have met with my 1st Supervisor 3 times since I started. The problem is:

1) In my first meeting he was not interested at all in my proposal, just put it aside and said "a proposal can be changed at anytime", he seemed keen on getting me to change my research area. Basically he told me all about his PhD journey in this first meeting, and nothing else regarding my research was discussed.

2) In the second meeting he told me to go and think about the area I want to research, again I reiterated that I was keen on my research area (health service mgt) and again I explained my research, what and how I wanted to carry out the research. He insisted I go and have a think about the area I wanted to research. I was advised to go and read on a specific area which is one of his interests. I was told to apply this area to my research. The thing is his research area has nothing to do with my research area at all.

3) Third meeting he said he is writing a journal paper and wants me to write the paper too. Thats when I realised thats the reason he was trying to get me to change my research focus. He then said he is applying for some funding (grant) for the university, showed me the paperwork he is supposed to do and ASKED me to write one and a half pages of the project proposal for him. Literally he wants me to cover all his work for him. Furthermore he has been asking me for contacts and introductions in my industry.

I travel a couple of hours each way to get to uni, and I feel like I have made all these journeys to uni and meetings for nothing, as nothing has come out of it, no discussion about my research at all, but being coerced to go into another area and total disregard for my research. I am self funding.

On the other hand I met my second supervisor once, we discussed my research and said he was very happy with my proposal and happy that I knew what I wanted to do. He approved of my research proposal but the only thing is my 1st supervisor is the one who has a final say it seems. Furthermore my research is qualitative and my second supervisor specialises in qualitative research WHILE the 1st supervisor specialises in quantitative.

Can someone please help me. Why is my 1st supervisor trying to get me to do his funding proposals, why does he want me to move away from my research area to his. Why was I given a 1st supervisor who specialises in quantitative when my research is qualitative. He doesn't seem to understand much about qualitative research, observations, interviews etc. He is only interested in quantitative methods.

What can I do. I would be very grateful for any assistance as I feel so discouraged and I dont know how to deal with this. It also turns out that I am the first student this lecturer (1st Supervisor) has supervised as he recently got his PhD, am wondering why he is doing this to me.
Please help.
Chelsea