A bit of both. Your friend is going through a lot and she's probably in a pretty bad way and the 'partying' is a way of both venting and masking her pain. It's not at all helpful to you but she's probably not in a frame of mind (quite understandably) to appreciate the impact that this is having on you and you will both have different priorities at present. I suppose it's not the ideal situation for you to be sharing a flat at present but I wouldn't know what to suggest.

======= Date Modified 03 28 2009 08:28:09 =======
Like a lot on here I'm experiencing difficulties with my PhD. Through no fault of my own, 1st year has been a non-starter and I'm very concerned about it and a bit depressed. I have constantly tried to convey my concerns to my supervisors but feel as though I'm moaning and having to nag them in order to try and progress things. With the 1st year review coming up I think it best to keep my mouth shut and put a smile on my face as at least this is providing me with an income and I really, really do not want to be unemployed. When I voiced my concerns to another independent academic they were very good but hinted, in my opinion, to ease off putting pressure on my supervisors.

On top of this, I have always felt that the PhD is too big for a three year project and although I've already mentioned this it was brushed aside, in my opinion. I described my PhD to another student they actually told me that they thought it was too big.

I have cottoned on to the fact that once in 2nd year a student has the upper hand and they will go to great lengths to try and prevent a student from dropping out at this stage but in 1st year they can let a student go without any real consequences to the University. I'll be blunt, my circumstances are such that I'm not prepared to go much over the end of a 3rd year and longer term I've no interest in being an academic or researcher but doing a PhD suits me for a number of reasons.

What do I do for the best? Should I keep quiet and air my concerns once in 2nd year or should I try to progress things now by talking over my concerns with my supervisors yet again. My instinct tells me to go with the former...

I can so relate to you on a number of levels and I totally understand your urge to scream - trust me.

I think I must have 'please feel free to walk over me' marked in ink across my face but I'm the only one that can't see it.

:-s

Hope things pick up soon.

Thanks everyone. I'll have a look at these and purchase the ones I feel most comfortable with.

Yes, that book by Brace et al is also a must, in my opinion.

Thanks for the replies. Andy Field is a must.

I'm going to purchase some books and would like some recommendations.

In terms of statistics, I'm very low in knowledge but it'll be a major part of my PhD in psychology. Could anyone recommend texts that start from the basics and would see a person through to PhD level?

In terms of SPSS, what do you feel are the best texts for 'talking' you through how to run tests and report the findings?

In terms of writing, what do you feel are the best texts for 'talking' you through the write up and structuring the thesis. I realise that this is an individual thing but some guides would be nice.

Many thanks.

(up) Great news, congratulations! I hope it all goes well.

Hi Pamw

You're someone I've long since noticed on here exactly because you have been through so many significant events in such a short space of time and I have often thought that you've had too much to cope with. Top stressors are bereavement and moving and you've done both. Also the break up of a marriage is a BIG stressor and what about all the other stuff? You're a stronger person than me because I know I wouldn't be able to cope and would not have made it as far as you have, given your circumstances. I'll be honest, reading your posts of late (and for a while) I do think you have reached the end of your tether (very understandably) and I would suggest, if possible, that you look at taking some time out. I don't mean a few days, I think you need a complete break in order to get a fresh sense of perspective. I know income is a problem and so could you not look for a mundane job that doesn't tax you and allows you just to chill out in the evening? Even if it was only for a few months and then hit the PhD with a new vigour.

I'm at the same stage as you but haven't done anywhere as much work but I'm not concerned. If I reach the end of first year with the literature review in place and just to be revised over the next two years and part of the methods section written I'll be happy. I definitely want a clear sense of direction by the end of year one at the very latest.

I'd leave the page number off.

I'm really sorry to read about your experiences. I can only say that I relate to the group supervision aspect. I've two supervisors and they give me joint supervision and copy each other into EVERY email. On a positive note this means there's no conflict between my supervisors as they sing from the same hymn sheet but I'm beginning to realise they'll back each other up on everything should there ever be any difficulties and this is causing me some concern.

In relation to the other aspects of your post, it reminds me of my previous employers. I feel I was constantly undermined, still feel as though I was bullied and it has wrecked my nerves and years later I still dwell on what happened very regularly. I do feel for you and would say try not to let this eat you up (but from experience I can say this is easier said than done). Try to view this new supervision as a fresh start, think about all the positive things you've achieved in life, whether they be related and unrelated to the PhD. What I would say is I would never ever let myself be treated in such an ill mannered way again as NOTHING is worth it. See this as a fresh chance, do what you can from your end to make it work, give your new supervisors a fair chance and review things a bit further down the line.

I hope all goes well.

(up) It's good to read that you've received some good news and I hope things continue to pick up.

======= Date Modified 22 Mar 2009 23:07:28 =======
I'm sorry to read that you're going through so much. I can relate to your feelings about the PhD and suspect these feelings are not unusual. I'm not clear if the difficulties with your PhD and the end of your relationship happened around the same time but that's the way I'm reading it.

Anyway, I would strongly suggest that you make an appointment to talk to student welfare at your University as you'll feel better for talking and it'll help clear your head and clarify your thoughts.

If you are certain that your relationship is over for good, you'll need to find a way to move on... quite literally. It will not be easy to get over the loss of a relationship that meant and means so much, especially given that you're both still living under the one roof. Honestly, it would be best if one of you could move out as soon as possible.

If you feel you really can't continue with your PhD at the present time, would you be able to take some time out?

Just some thoughts. I hope everything works out in the end.

You've been great and saved me some stress, many thanks!

PM sent, you wonderfully kind person!