Also, I had to do my MA knowing my younger sib. was terminally ill, and then finding out I was genetically predisposed to the same thing. Oh, two other sibs have the same cancer. So yeah, when all this kicked off, I go and do better than most, and find that the person doing the ranking has effectively lied, I'm a bit p*****d off.

But of course, I can't say anything, as we're not even supposed to SEE the forms, and it would just create unecessary politics. Been a bitter pill to swallow though, and is making me think that the sooner I am away from this dept., the better. Also a feeling of disloyalty as I was here through undergrad and MA - silly as it sounds.

Hi,

Yes, I've been put forward. The situation has been controversial this year. The dept. could only nominate four people. I was fortunate. Statistically, I am on a par with the others.

What worries me is that I found out, entirely by accident, how I had been ranked. Went into the dept. office for something unrelated, and there were the forms lying on the desk. Let's just say it was very unfair given there were three MA distinctions in our year, and I was one of them.

As she's a lec., I realistically can't see her approaching you. What you need to do is ask her for drinks, or coffee if that seems less threatening. If you already have a friendly relationship, this should be acceptable. If your phd-group socializes, then ask her along to that. I really think you need to initiate something in a non-work related environment to have a hope of anything else.

That's funny. Can see why the prof. may have thought that, as if somebody went to gay-events often, I might think it too. If you spoke about personal things, I might have talked about dating men, but that depends if you thought she may have liked you in that way.

The rational part of my brain tells me to steer clear, i.e., complex situation. The non-logical part thinks there is something odd going on, not conclusively gay, but something odd. She may just be an intense person, and others have warned me about this.

Bit depressing today. Others think there is no evidence said staff-member is gay, and you look like you're mad when you explain about body-language etc. I think asking several gay-related questions indicates somebody possibly curious, maybe not gay, but somebody uncertain of themselves. I think I'm listening to others too much, hard to explain, but seems there is something unacknowledged - whatever that may be. Wonder how much easier it is for straight people.

For instance, an admin. job was offered to somebody without inviting the rest of us to apply; certain people are normally asked to teach before others; when we have academic-visitors, the same individuals are normally asked to go and socialize with them; there is also an attitude that research council funded students should be treated better than self-funded.

Sometimes I think I've imagined it, as one incident isn't grounds for thinking there are politics going on, but it's consistent. The thought of another two years of this fills me with dread. And I wonder if these issues are likely to exist elsewhere.

Does anybody else ever feel like they are in a playground environment? This was not apparent to me at undergrad, but now, having to interact with the staff more (same uni), I've seen all kinds of pettiness, backstabbing, and dare I say it, favouritism, and I don't mean just between staff-students, but staff-staff as well.

It's quite demotivating, and I'm starting to want to distance myself from certain individuals.

I think going to her office may not have been a wise move. That is her environment, so to speak, and if you're going to get together, do so on more neutral ground where you are both likely to be more comfortable.

I don't think there is anything wrong with the situation, but I'd advise against pursuing it in a seminar situation. Ask her for drinks if that's what the other students sometimes do.

I'd be more concerned about the alcohol. Really can't see the huge deal with the mentor situation.

Tom: if you want to carry on the chat, have you an off-board e-mail. I'd be interested to hear your situation. I really don't want to post too much more, as identifying details and all of that.

Well, we'll be in the same place, but social opportunities will be lessened considerably, which is why I need to take the initiative at some point. It will be by text (can't use phone for other reasons, and anyway, text is least likely to give me a panic attack), which I can't see anything wrong with. I have noticed that the few times we have been on our own, she's been very different, whereas in a group, she seems to have her official hat on, or at least, is very conscious of her behaviour.

Sounds eminently sensible Tom.

I was puzzling over how somebody so gregarious with others in our social group has been acting off-hand with me the past two weeks, until it dawned on me she might be thinking the same about me. Question is how long can this go on, as don't want to get to the summer vacation with questions, and an enforced three month break. I do think texting now must be acceptable, as we swapped numbers after all.

As have come to realize that in a group, nobody is going to want to make a move, especially as there is another staff-member that also socializes with us (one who ironically, doesn't have a problem with staff-student things), and there would be too much potential for gossip. However, since group-things are the only context in which we see one another in a more relaxed environment.

I also think I have foot-in-mouth syndrome, as I'm known for saying tactless things, but hope she knows I'm well-intentioned. Guess my situation is the same old story of wondering whether x likes me. We've all been there, done that.

Well, we did get talking about random things, er., t.v. programmes, psychology, and as I have her number, thought I could text about one of them when it's on tomorrow, just a "Hi, recalled we were chatting about this, have a watch, what do you think" - even something fairly innocuous can develop into a conversation. As she had no objections to giving her number, I assume a text is o.k.

No, in reality, it's unlikely to be a problem, but I think in her mind, she thinks it is more of a problem than it really is. The same friend suggested what would help is if I explained to her that it wouldn't be, but that sounds quite mad, as presupposes I want something - which I do, but not a r/ship, I'd just like to get to know her, find out more, and not drift away from one another leaving this unacknowledged.