So I kind of thought just maybe Bea and I might be allowed our life back .....but no. I'm now going to document my pass or fail of viva (whenever I have a bit of internet access and time with the baby asleep). From tomorrow Bea and I are homeless. I do not mean literally on the streets. I mean we will now be living out of a suitcase from hotel to hotel. This is because if I leave the island I will not get Legal Aid to secure Bea's future. I'm so lonely. I cannot really describe how I feel. My viva is set - I will sink or swim - and doubt I will have much prep. I have managed to find some where for Bea and I to sleep safely for tomorrow night. I am just finishing packing up our belongings to be sent to England to store until I am released from this island. I'm so tired. Bea is sick - she has a throat infection too. The good news is that I am able to get Legal Aid to help put right what has been done. It should be an interesting story - because this will be one of what happens when you really cannot prepare at all for your viva. I don't know what to keep here and what to send back. I will keep the baby carseat, pram - and then my computer (I wish it was small - I have an iMac) I think I will DHL it afterwards. At least tomorrow we have a place to stay. I need to somehow keep calm, focus, use my brain and not panic. The truth is I'm terrified. I'm lonely and scared. I have a little baby and her father has and is making life very hard for us. Right, I better log out and pack some more. I will try and give an up-date. Somehow it helps me. Pleeeeeeeeease wish me luck. I need it. I think I'm broken, love Heidi and Bea

Guess what.....Bea and I are coming HOME people!!!!! Consent Order sorted and Bea and I are packing up home....hopefully get into Bath next week. Nervous that all our plans will be made to change. But still fingers crossed. My goodness haven't even thought about viva in July. I'll be running around here for help then. Thank you for all helping and being supportive. The book is in.....the viva is a few weeks away and Bea are (fingers crossed) on our way home. love Heidi and Bea

Having been allowed off the rock for a few days....I have brought baby Bea to England. Web - a little sketchy so please accept my apologies for not touching base with a few familiar faces...you know who you are.

I'm not sure how people felt when they finally handed in - but for me - there was a slight wave of excitement - shortly followed by a wave of worry (for all the things I was unable to do in the timescale) - followed by a wave of dread (for the viva in a matter of weeks).

So there we are. I'm wondering around in the space between words.

Its funny - its been a reflective time. The more I have tried to look back at my work - the more I find that I have analysed my life rather than the research.

Six years of part-time study - gone in a flash.

I've been so poor at times that I remember having just one can of bake beans to last me a week. I literally remember rationing beans! (I wondered so willingly into PhD battle - following a professor - who I adored and trusted - and never thought about all the practical things like finance, a home, food!)

Still....it has been an adventure.

I've been around the world a few times - sometimes for humanitarian reasons - working for various aid projects - and other times for rest and enjoyment.

I have led a life which has been over crowded with people. People from all sorts of wonderful backgrounds. I've felt loved. I've felt lonely.

Yes, I've experienced far more than a PhD - and now I have an extra pair of little feet that follow mine.

So my backpack will be a heavier on my future travels.

I watch her sleeping and I wonder how something so perfect came from this jigsaw puzzle which has been my life. And right now, right here I'm more scared about being the right kind of mother for her, than being the right kind of PhD student for some viva where I am measured and weighed - and left found wanting.

I can't read this thread at the moment - will try again tomorrow - oddly I can reply but not read others...yet.

So here we are.....Bob Dylan playing.....'Most of the time' Truly the most beautiful song ever written.

Friday morning I pick up the thesis all bound and then hand in to Faculty. I guess its about waiting until the Fat Lady sings....I didn't even manage to get the Appendix in!! can you imagine....useless woman.

Anyway I wanted to apologize for checking out early. I was a rabbit in the head lights. Fight or Flight...and I choose the latter on that occasion. I was worn out. Still dusting off my knees, heart, pride.

I just wanted to be all the things I said I was going to be to Bea - I whispered so many promising words in those tiny ears when she was born.

I realise that if you get to the top and have nobody to share it with - it means nothing.

I am feeling the bitter sweet....glad to have the main part written - a little sad to have lost the person I hoped to spend my life with.

Viva on the 18th of July. Probably sink to the bottom of the pond like a pebble....let's hope not.

Lets forget about it for awhile....

For tonight I have Bob to keep me company....and he is smoothing my ears. He is like have fresh crushed up strawberries from your garden (grown by you....picked by you.....washed by you....crushed by you) with creamy milk on a summers day.

When I can read past messages I will reply lovelies. But for now...for this moment...its just bob and I.

Sleep well, love H

Hey I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who supported me, cheered me on, and picked me up when I was more than a little down.

Now I am starting to get questioned whether I am just some crazy wind up - I think its time to leave.

The truth is, I never knew anything about this site when I first posted. I thought one or two people might read it - and if I was really very lucky than one person might just tell me things would be alright and that I could do this - that is finish the book!

With your support - I did just that. I have some tidying to do - but I am submitting on Monday. I really hope I pass!

Bea and I are still stuck on the island - but I have hopes for some compromises to be made - and then we will be free to start our new life in England. I miss my husband a lot. Our family door will remain open to him for as long as it naturally does.

I've really enjoyed using this website for many reasons. Its been great to read all about different peoples experiences and their path to achieve what they had hoped.

I think its a little sad when people judge others or use this website to be critical of others. In truth - perhaps this is just the internet culture. Larrydavid is right - I could just be sat here writing some random story - I agree it does sound rather bonkers. But then my life in humanitarian aid has shown me that life is very bonkers at times. There is nothing wrong with questioning - I guess this is human nature.

I just want to concentrate on the happy things in life now - so thank you very very very very much for all of you who put up with me. I will drop back through mid July and let you know whether I passed the viva.

Take care, stay smiley, love Heidi and little miss Bea.

I so wish it was it was. You will make me cry again....this is mine and Bea's life. That's it you have me in tears.

Okay - I need to concentrate deadline Monday - whole PhD.

No time for tears - chin up girl and get a grip.

Hi Ady

Thanks very much for the advice....I so wish I was allowed that many words!! (I am over word limit by 8,000++) However they changed the word limit half way through my PhD and lowed it by 30,000! so clearly it is unfair....! I am going to try and make the conclusion around 6,000 - big enough to be sensible.

Thank you for your help Ady!

Better get back to the drawing board

Have a good evening, Heidi and Bea!

Good afternoon.....

I am the general lunatic trapped on an island person.....that some of you may have read about....well I am sending out an SOS

My question is: what percentage would you said your conclusion was or is going to be for your PhD thesis??????

How long is a piece of string type question I appreciate....but it would be really very helpful if anyone is out there today with some advice. Deadline Monday....still writing...hilarious.

oooooohhh

I forgot to mention.....I did a self-funded PhD (I have no idea why!! my prof never told me I could get funding...I was 20 and very silly)

So funded this crazy PhD by working in an independent book shop - where I never really made any money because they couldn't afford to pay me so I was paid in books!

oooooohhh

I forgot to mention.....I did a self-funded PhD (I have no idea why!! my prof never told me I could get funding...I was 20 and very silly)

So funded this crazy PhD by working in an independent book shop - where I never really made any money because they couldn't afford to pay me so I was paid in books!

oooooohhh

I forgot to mention.....I did a self-funded PhD (I have no idea why!! my prof never told me I could get funding...I was 20 and very silly)

So funded this crazy PhD by working in an independent book shop - where I never really made any money because they couldn't afford to pay me so I was paid in books!

oooooohhh

I forgot to mention.....I did a self-funded PhD (I have no idea why!! my prof never told me I could get funding...I was 20 and very silly)

So funded this crazy PhD by working in an independent book shop - where I never really made any money because they couldn't afford to pay me so I was paid in books!

oooooohhh

I forgot to mention.....I did a self-funded PhD (I have no idea why!! my prof never told me I could get funding...I was 20 and very silly)

So funded this crazy PhD by working in an independent book shop - where I never really made any money because they couldn't afford to pay me so I was paid in books!

oooooohhh

I forgot to mention.....I did a self-funded PhD (I have no idea why!! my prof never told me I could get funding...I was 20 and very silly)

So funded this crazy PhD by working in an independent book shop - where I never really made any money because they couldn't afford to pay me so I was paid in books!

I should be winning the how not to write your PhD:

1) Fracture your skull - and have to re-learn speech and memory
2) Loose over half your immediate family
3) Get married and have a baby
4) Have a husband blown up in Afghan
5) Get stuck on an island with no hope of going home
6) Attempt to write a third of the PhD in three months
7) Deadline Monday......I am struggling :-(