... And another million people would say 'don't work at all ever if you want to have children! Don't use your PhD, it is your responsibility as a mother to stay at home and look after your children!' To which I say 'pah! I will bring mine up as I see fit for them and for me' Where is the middle ground guys? What are we to do? And why on earth do people on this forum generalise so freely?!! Surely one person's situation or, indeed, straw poll cannot dictate another's choices?! Or why have free choice at all? And finally, why do people go on and on and on about doing a PhD like it is the be all and end all of life - even more than a job?! I think it is better and more family-flexible than a job, particularly for a woman.

Rant over.

I am very interested in this thread because I am thinking of starting a family next year while on the PhD. This, for me, is perceived to be a 'good' time because my partner works from home and earns a good wage and I am funded, so get 6 months paid maternity leave. However, there are probably a million people who would say I am stupid for doing this and will jeopardise my PhD and my children's development. There are probably a million people who would say 'wait until afterwards!' to which I say - 'but I will have to wait until I have finished and am settled in my new job in about 4 years time - so I get maternity and am not on benefits. When is it a good time to have a baby when in full time work?' ...

...rather than doing what is percieved as traditionally challenging. Also, do remember that doors don't necessarily close when you turn your back on them. Maybe there is a compromise in there somewhere that you haven't considered? Maybe do it extra mural while working, or talk to your sup about getting some work experience for a couple of years then coming back and applying? Maybe you need to ask around a bit, get some more information about different options... Maybe a work placement will sponsor you to do a PhD, either soon or in the future? I hope you do what is best for you anyway, not what is for other people.

Ooh I do know what you mean. I also have expectations on me; I am torn between following a noisy 'big career' in London or being a content potter and a writer... the latter to the disappointment of others!! I think you should always do what makes you happy. Don't do something just because you feel you should or because you can. Maybe if you know you 'can' do it, doing something else more personally challenging is what you want to do...

This may be a bit simplistic but it seems to me that without the offer having arisen you would have been more than happy to start work and would not have really thought about taking up a PhD. If this is pretty much the case then don't do it - you can always do this in the future but it doesn't seem like you are very into it to me? If it helps any, I didn't think I was capable of doing a PhD but wanted to. While I was doing my MA my Sup asked me to apply. It was out of the blue and the best news in the world for me, but I still needed a little time to consider it...

Good luck - let us know what you decide!

Hello Heathy

You have some good advice here! I would like to add that it helped me in my proposal to come up with three or four research questions or obectives. This really made me think about the bigger points of the research that I want to address. I would say to to and organise a rough title of less than 15 words that represents these objectives... If this isn't too hard! Making up titles is really scary so I understand your stress. If it helps my title has totally changed in the two years I have been doing this PhD, although the topic is essentially the same... So it doesn't matter too too much - hopefully the selecting team will be able to see past the title to the actual value of the proposed project stated within your proposal. Post it here if it helps - we can help you maybe?

Thank you walminskipeasucker

Good luck Chris! You can do it yeah yeah yeah!!

Oh dear! That is awful. If I were you I would ask her about it like H said. That's just no good at all!

Good luck

I have to say that I don't really understand posts about this... Because my relationship with my BF is mine, no one elses, we have our own ups and downs, strengths and weaknesses. Surely it can't be so generalised as to say you are doing a PhD therefore this, this or this is predictable? As it goes our life is the same as when I was working in a full time job... we live together and we chat about my stresses and his stresses on a Friday night after work. I don't see the complication?!! Maybe I am not working enough? Is it about living apart? Surely being in a relationship doesn't need to suffer because you have to work??

you're all so young! I am 29... second year PhD, two masters done, been in the working world and ran away, don't want to work in academia though... Am studying in International Relations, looking at humanitarian activity. Have a BF of 8 years, move house/countries too often to own a house (and student-induced debt is a problem!) Don't fancy a life that includes 'settling down' really anyway. Am doing a PhD because I love my topic and think opportunites will present themselves as a consequence, rather than as a career move ~(not keen on a 'career' as such) so am very happy at the mo! It's strange you al so young cause at my uni I am the youngest!

Nice to meet you all!
x

I would differ from uni to uni and from candidate to candidate. I didn't have one either but some people at my uni did...

a blog community! cool! I love reading other PhD blogs though find them hard to find. We could link and chat to each other in posts, it would be nice ;)

Hey there

I started a blog a few weeks ago (www.trialsandtribsofaphd.blogspot.com) and definitely find it really useful. I started it because I had my first chapter to write and then my transfer meeting which were both really stressful. At the mo all my uni PhD friends are overseas so i have few people to talk to about my worries and so thought, well, I used to have a diary so why not have a blog? It really helped me sort my thoughts out - I am someone who needs to externalise thoughts to make sense of things so it really works for me. At the mo I am 'on holiday' as I passed my meeting so it's full of nonsense (!!) but also I put things on about PhD advice and such like that I like to talk and know about. If you like to talk a lot and feel organised by writing stuff out I would say go for it!

This is really interesting actually... I wouldn;t go to the pub with undergrads I don't think, unless they were mature students? Because I am new to this and would want to keep a professional distance. postgrads though, hmmm, not so bad. When I was doing my MA my lecturers would come out and have a couple of drinks and then go home... Two would stay out and get drunk, one would keep his composure and we always saw him as a lecturer first and foremost so all was cool, but the other one would get very drunk and just too informal, even being rude sometimes and falling over! He was a terrible teacher too though...