Haha, I get this and the unis I've been to aren't ex-polys! I first studied at a top UK university in a different subject than the one I ended up pursuing. When I left that uni in second year (the subject bored me to death!) I had the option to stay on at the same uni but start the different subject there (I changed to psychology) or just move somewhere else and start afresh. So I did. Which meant that I moved from a top uni with a good psych department to an 'inferior' uni with an excellent psych department, and I've never regretted it. But so many people couldn't understand why I'd moved from such a good uni to such an 'average' one- it drove me mad! People were constantly saying 'oh my god, I can't believe you moved from X to Y, why on earth didn't you stay there blah blah blah!! I don't really care, I love it here, but it did get to me for quite a while! Some of my friends still don't really get why I like it here (let alone why I would want to stay here for a post-doc!) but I really don't care any more! Just ignore it, it isn't just you- it's just snobbery on the part of others! Best, KB

Hey Eska, that sounds like a good feeling to hang onto! Well done you! I always wish my nan had known I was doing a PhD- if I pass okay I'll be the first Dr in the family and she'd have been so proud!! Not sure about my grandad though- he was still asking me how 'school' was when I was 25, I'm not sure he'd have grasped the concept of a PhD bless him! Best, KB

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Something has come to my attention. As you know, I'm having a few problems with my sup, who keeps losing her rag and then being all apologetic and telling me I'm the best student she's ever had blah blah blah. Anyway, I have noticed something that keeps happening. Every time she is horrible to me and has to apologise, or I tell her I'm not very well, she spends ages looking over my work and giving me huge amounts of feedback in a very short space of time, i.e. the next day. I figure this is her way of trying to apologise/help by showing me that she cares about my work or something. Yesterday afternoon I handed in four pieces of work (2 powerpoint presentations and a poster for upcoming conferences and an 8,000 word paper that's in its final stages before submission). So she called me into her office today having marked all four things in less than a day. But it was clear that she had marked them in a foul mood because the comments were not particularly encouraging and I could just hear her tone of impatience in what she wrote. Why would she think that giving me a whole load of negative feedback would make me feel better? Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all the help I can get- but she knew I was exhausted and not very well, quite down, so she gives me a such a nasty dose of feedback that it reduced me to tears (although admittedly it doesn't take much at the moment!!). I mean, where's the logic? Anyone? Are all supervisors this weird? KB

Hey Sarahlouise! It does vary from subject to subject. I'm in psychology just at the end of second year and I have four papers submitted with about another four to write and submit before the end of third year. That sounds like a lot but basically everything I write, I write for publication so that I can get lots of stuff published along the way to make it easier to get a post-doc etc. Everything I publish will go into my PhD too, so it's like writing the thesis along the way. In my subject publications are really important and most people have a 1 or 2 by the end of their PhD because it's evidence that you can produce good quality work, and you wouldn't get a post-doc without them. But I understand in other subjects it's quite normal not to have any publications, and wouldn't neccessarily be expected to publish until after your PhD, so don't stress too much if you're doing one of those subjects! Best, KB

Hey! I agree with the others- I would be vague or gloss over some of the gaps if possible, without being blatently untruthful! Where it isn't possible I think it's fine to state that you had personal circumstances that meant you were committed to looking after a relative or whatever. It's hard to know what to advise with respect to the depression. I have bipolar and was given no choice but to declare my illness as it appears on my CRB check. I have been very lucky in that my department and supervisor have been extremely understanding and have not discriminated against me- in fact they have bent over backwards to be accommodating. But would I declare it on an application form if they had no other means of finding out? Probably not, unless it specifically asks. Unfortunately there are a lot of ignorant people out there- I have a contract with the NHS and have actually been discriminated against by a member of staff from the NHS on the basis of my diagnosis- so given the choice, I would probably keep quiet. Best, KB

Hey Rahrahrah! I'm just going into my third year in psychology, and it is indeed very competitive to get funding. I think you will struggle to get funding for a PhD in psychology without at least a relevant MSc, preferably at distinction level. I am in a really large department and there are people here with 2.1s at BSc psychology and distinction at psychology MSc, but nothing less, and most people have firsts at BSc. You would probably also have more chance if you took on a research assistant post in psychology first. That might be tough, but not as tough- there are a few in our dept who are doing RA positions where psych wasn't their undergrad degree. Also if you are working as an RA sometimes that can lead to opportunities for funded PhDs. Usually you need to have an idea of what you want to do, then find a suitable supervisor and work together to sort out the finer details and to apply for funding. The ESRC is one anvennue but some departments have their own scholarships and there are sometimes other random scholarships you can apply to. I'm not sure what you mean by the new-route PhD? Can you tell us a bit about it so we know what you mean please?! Best, KB

Hey Natassia! I've always been based really close to uni, so can't really say I've been in your position, but it sounds a little bit like the 'what ifs?' that we all go through before starting out on a new phase of life! Will you be office based at the university during your PhD or are you planning to work from home? I think it's good to have as much contact with the uni as you can- I could work from home as I have a study but I find that my routine of working in the office suits me better and keeps me in touch with everyone (but everyone's different and has different ways of working!). I do know what you mean about the supervisor thing though- you spend so long writing your proposal then trying to get accepted and find funding if necessary, and then when that's over you don't really hear much from your supervisor until you start your PhD! That's quite normal too! I think you'll be fine once you've got going- you're clearly a hard working high-flyer, you've got the supervisor you want, the topic you want, and the uni you want, so I don't think you've got much to worry about. Once you've got into the swing of it you'll be fine! Best, KB

Thanks Cornflower, that's really kind of you. The depression has been the worst part of the bipolar for me and I know what you mean by spending years under the duvet (in my case one of those special ones in the psych ward that you can't suffocate yourself with!). I do know what you mean, I am proud of coming back from death's door (which is literallly where I was) and getting this far, and I am very determined too, like yourself. Sounds like you have had a hard battle as well so congrats to you for getting through it and moving on- it's such a tough thing to do! Best wishes, KB

Hey Emmaki, I can't remember what subject you're in, but I think it's okay to acknowledge that the theory you use isn't perfect. I had an awful time trying to sort out a theoretical framework for my study, and I turned the whole debate into a paper, that basically concludes that the model I've chosen is not perfect (none of them are), but it will still allow me to make progress within the field, and will still allow the results to be applied in a practical way. Of course, you want to make it clear why you chose one theory over the others, so big it up as much as you can and point out the positives of using it, but don't worry about trying to pretend it's the perfect solution if it's not! Sometimes (as in my subject) there are no perfect solutions....! Good luck, KB

Thanks guys, I really appreciate your support- you have made me feel a lot better about things now. I feel really on the edge at the moment and had a bit of a breakdown last week (I'm fine now, was just exhausted from all the thyroid problems) and I can't afford to let things get back to how they were with the bipolar...the recovery time from that would be months. The extra pressure of teaching might well push me over the edge if I'm not so good, and given that I spent an hour of Friday bawling over my supervisor I probably need to avoid all stresses as far as possible! I suppose in one way I just want to prove to myself (okay, and others!) that actually you can suffer from a severe mental illness and still do everything just as well as everyone else can...I find it hard to admit to my limitations sometimes! But thanks a million for your replies, I really do feel much better for having read them. Best, KB

Hey! Yes, it does vary a lot. If the conference is in April and the deadline for abstracts in already, then I'm guessing it's probably a pretty big conference, so I would probably expect to wait maybe a few months to hear back. I'm going to a massive conference in the US in November, and their deadline was about 6 or 7 months before the conference, and it took them a few months to get back to me, maybe about 3-4 months or so. If the conference is smaller then things tend to happen quicker in my experience. I'm presenting at a conference next month which is quite a small one. The deadline was only about a month ago and I found out after a few weeks that I had been accepted. So there is a range, but it sounds as though you may be waiting a couple of months or more! Good luck! KB

Thanks guys. I know you are all right- this kind of behaviour is unacceptable, yet she gets away with it because she's so damn good at what she does and she brings the funding in to the uni in its millions. Despite everything, I find it hard to dislike her because she can be so genuine and kind, and we share a similar sense of humour so generally we really get on. She is also very encouraging and I feel really lucky that she has given me  chance- I'd had a really bad few years with the bipolar before coming to this university (i'd been admitted to hospital loads of times and even been sectioned a few times as well) and she knew that but still fought for funding to take me on and give me a chance, just like she's pressing ahead to get funding for me to stay on for a post-doc. She's paying for me to go to the US to present out of her own funding because I don't have enough of mine left and is very good about things like that- she creates a lot of opportunities. I am so grateful for everything and I suppose in a way I feel indebted to her- maybe that is what's making me accept this awful behaviour without questioning it. On the practical side our interests match perfectly, chances are she will get funding for me to stay on and I can do exactly the research I want to do, and I know she will do her best to help me succeed. But can I take it? I don't know. I need to have a tougher skin, but I'm a softie...I don't think that will change. I suppose I have another year to make up my mind for sure...but my worst fear is ending up exactly like her- a world leader with no family and a lot of enemies because she can't control her temper. Maybe I just answered my own question. Thanks for your thoughts guys, much appreciated. KB

Thanks for your replies guys- it really is a toughie. She is actually quite a softie and yesterday when she realised how upset I was she spent quite a while talking to me and making sure I am ok and so on. She can be lovely. Yet I look at the post-docs and they're tired and overworked, they have so much pressure on them and unrealistic projects that were proposed just to get the money. I really like her and we get on really well- but she can be so unpredictable and when you get on the wrong side of her she's awful. Problem is, you never know when what you're about to do or say is going to spark off a row because you can never tell what kind of mood she's in! But I still feel as though it would be stupid to turn down a post-doc with her- she has been great over my PhD and I know I can still learn so much more from her. But it would be good to retain my sanity as well.... KB

Okay, you all know the story- she's great 95% of the time, the other 5% she can be a complete B$%&! As a supervisor she's fab, all work is returned with loads of constructive feedback usually within 2 days of giving it to her, I get regular and helpful supervision sessions and so on. She's a world-leader in her field and knows all the people I need to get to know. In short, it would probably be great for my career to do a post-doc with her, and we are drawing up proposals at the moment.

Now the bad side. When she's in a bad mood she can be foul. She has had me in tears 3 times in the last fortnight by shouting at me, losing her rag with me, slamming doors in my face because she's pissed off, and she piles a huge amount of pressure on me, I think without realising it. And then she'll come and apologise but it'll happen again a week later. Today's argument was ridiculous, over whether I need 50 or 60 participants in my group. She got really impatient and quite aggressive with me when I explained the difficulties I am having with recruitment, and made remarks about me keeping on trying to reduce the size of my PhD (the proposal was massively unrealistic so we have had to make quite a few changes).

The two docs on the team are constantly at war with her and she gives them a hard time with unrealistic deadlines and expectations etc. I have always wanted to stay on here but after today's argument I just broke down and cried and seriously wondered if I could deal with another 3 years of this woman. I don't know if I can. I want to stay and do a post-doc here and I think there is a good chance we will find the funding but she might drive me even more loopy than I already am. She did come and apologise again today but I know it'll just happen again next week- she's got a reputation for it and it's not surprising.

Sorry for the long post...but any advice anyone? She's fab 95% of the time but she's impossible for the other 5% and I don't know if I can take it. Best, KB

Thanks guys, you have made me feel a lot more at ease with the idea. I had a mini-meltdown in front of my supervisor today (combination of a lot of pressure and not feeling well and a disagreement with supervisor...very embarrassing) and I think the decision to take me off teaching was probably a good one. I just feel bad because all my mates will have to do it and we're not paid extra for it- it's part of the funding conditions- and they'll know I've got away without doing it. But it is a huge relief, even more so after my meltdown today when I realised how on the edge I am at the moment. Cheers all, KB