Hey bad luck Eska, it sounds like it was already lined up for the internal applicant- so annoying but so common as well. Which meant that whatever you did in that interview/presentation, you couldn't have got it anyway, so certainly no reason to blame yourself or be hard on yourself about it. But to insult you by giving you crappy feedback is really irritating. I was refused a small grant a couple of weeks ago, and I didn't mind, because I knew it was so competitive anyway, but it was the rubbish irrelevant feedback about my application that really annoyed me. I guess some people don't really care- they just want to fob you off with something so you'll leave them alone. Well don't stress- just keep applying and bear in mind that the job was probably taken before you even went to interview, it was most likely nothing you did wrong. Big hugs, KB

Hey thanks guys. I'm trying to do all the right things, but it's hardgoing. Been to the gym today, I need my exercise, and felt okay earlier and then rubbish again now. Just want to go to sleep and wake up feeling better. Got stuff planned for tomorrow and for the rest of the week (nice stuff, not work) so hopefully that will distract me a bit. I will keep plodding, I've had plenty of practise....KB

Hey guys, thank you so much. I was going to say that you are the nicest bunch of people I have ever met, but of course I haven't met you! Which makes you all even nicer I think, to be so kind with your replies. You are right, I will do my best to chill out this week and then see how things are. I know really that it will pass but every time I get a bit wobbly with the bipolar I worry about times past and having to return to hospital etc. I have had some really bad times on psych wards so it would be my worst nightmare to have to return there, especially when things have been going so well recently. Thanks for all of the lovely things you have said- I even shed a tear as I read them, but not the miserable kind I have been shedding most of the week you'll be glad to know. I hope everyone has a good week & thank you so much for your support. best, KB

Hey guys. Sorry but this is a bit of a miserable post. All is going well with the PhD, had my second year review the other week and everyone is really happy with my progress, and I have my first proper conference presentation coming up in a couple of weeks. But the bipolar is kicking off again. I've been well for over a year now and maybe I've been a bit complacent about it but it's back. My mood is down, I was in tears most days in the office last week, my sleep is rubbish, my medication has been altered, but I'm exhausted and my mood is not good. I have told my sup that I don't feel so good and I have taken this next week off for a break because it's sooo long since I took one, and she was fine with that. And I know she is trying to be helpful, but emailing me a draft paper back over the weekend that has been corrected/altered in at least 200 places didn't do much to improve things. She did this last time I was poorly- spent loads of time giving me detailed feedback on things and getting work returned to me super-quickly...I know it's her way of trying to help and make things easier for me but it just feels like more pressure and I feel like crying when I get stuff back with so much feedback on it and my mood is already so fragile. And sometimes I just feel like the harder I work, the more is expected of me. At least I have a week off- much longer forcing myself to go on and I think I was going to crash and burn big style. So now I am back at my parents' for a week to chill out and catch up with family and friends etc. I don't really know why I am posting, I suppose I just want someone to tell me it is okay, I will get through it, or something like that. Anyone, please? Cheers, KB

Hey! Well, it's easy done to say something off the cuff and then wonder whether it was such a good idea. Someone in my class at MSc level once stuck their hand up in the middle of a class about whether we should have the right to end our lives and made a jokey remark about suicide, ending with 'who cares, it's only one more person, why should we give a shit'. Having lost several friends to suicide in the couple of years preceding that class I was completely offended at this remark, and took a great dislike to this person that I didn't really know very well but whose attitude I was disgusted by. Three years later and we are both studying for PhDs, I have got to know him better and we actually get on quite well. Looking back, it was a crassly insensitive remark (IMO), but he wasn't to know that there was a person in the room in my situation (and maybe others as well, who knows). Although I still think it was a stupid thing to say, and an attitude I still don't agree with, I can see now I know him better that he sometimes opens his mouth before he thinks and genuinely meant no harm or offence by his comment. So I suppose what I am saying with respect to your situation is- it wasn't the best thing to come out with, but most of us make comments and regret them later, if this girl is offended then I would apologise, and then forget about it and move on. She might think you're an idiot but I'm sure she has other things in her life to concentrate on as well! Best, KB

Hey! I don't think it will look bad at all...as one of the others said, it might be tough to find funding for a project to start this year now anyway, although there may still be a few lurking about. It would be helpful if you spent your year getting some relevant practical experience but I don't think the year is a mssive problem anyway- lots of people do all sorts of things and take on whole other careers before starting back at uni to do a PhD! Best, KB

Hey sneaks, I know how you feel, I'm awful for working when I'm meant to be taking time off. I'm taking next week off on doc's advice because I am absolutely exhausted, I can't sleep, and my bipolar is kicking off again. But I know it will be soooo hard not to think about work! I would make sure you have something nice planned for each day- days out don't have to cost a fortune if you plan carefully, and at least if you're out of the house your mind will hopefully be off work, or at the very least you won't be able to get to it! Don't feel guilty- I always do but this time I know if I don't have a break I will crash and burn very soon so I refuse to feel guilty this time! Enjoy the rest of your week! Best, KB

Hey there! I think you will be okay- the masters degrees I know about seem to be fairly flexible with admission, especially given how much people pay to do the masters courses! The formal requirement for the MSc I did was a 2.1, but there were numerous people on the course with a 2.2, and not necessarily a high one either. Perhaps you could contact the uni for clarification- after all, all unis are different- but I would think that you'll be okay. Good luck! KB

Hey Natassia! Really, this is nothing to worry about! Every single thing I write has to go through drafts and re-drafts and this is the same for everyone! I actually wrote my proposal with my sup, if I was on my own with it I would have been a bit lost as to exactly what was expected as well- at the end of the day from beginning to end the PhD is a learning curve. One thing I have had to learn to do (and most of us have to) is to take criticisms and comments without getting upset or taking them personally, or feeling like I'm a disappointment etc, and it takes a while to get used to it. Just recently I was joking with my sup about the amount of 'constructive' feedback she gives me (oceans of the stuff) and she said she saw me as a colleague, not as a student, and therefore didn't piss about with all this 'start with a positive comment, suggestions in the middle, and end on a positive' stuff! Sometimes I wish she did! But seriously, I am so grateful for all the feedback she gives me- she really does spend lots of time going through my work with a fine toothcomb and that's how you learn. I would rather have it this way than have a supervisor who really doesn't care, so try to see it as a good thing! You'll be fine, I reckon you'll take to your PhD like a duck to water! Best, KB

We work in a team of about 12 of us, and we all have everyone's mobile numbers. We don't often use them, but my sup has phoned me occasionally and has texted me the odd time to wish me well if I've been ill or something. More recently she texted me on Saturday morning to ask me to email her some work, which was mildly irritating, but I guess we can't have it all ways! I've only ever instigated a text conversation with her once, and that was pretty much an emergency! KB

I don't know whether I would or not Goodboy, but I am saying that I would be open-minded about it. Doctors are prescribing this sort of medication for this use- so I don't think it is necessarily dangerous in any way at a low dose and for very occasional use. And as I said, we are not talking about a bit of anxiety here, we are talking about physical symptoms that are actually extremely unpleasant, and would actually prevent someone from presenting altogether. Even with this medication the person would still have to deal with the mental anxiety, but the physiological arousal would be less, which might make the situation more tolerable. I think for someone who would otherwise not be able to cope with presenting, it might be worth a shot. It's certainly not an easy option, and whilst there are alternatives such as relaxation techniques, CBT and so on, I know from personal experience that sometimes these things don't even touch the physiological problems of panic attacks and severe anxiety. So I think we should just be open-minded- clearly Keep_Calm is only thinking of these as a last resort and not an easy quick-fix, and I know this use of beta blockers is quite common, so I am open-minded about it. I suppose my view differs from others to some degree because I have had to get used to depending on medication for my bipolar disorder. Some people think that's just about 'being a bit moody', but it's a really serious condition which has almost cost me my life. Similarly I think that people who have experienced anxiety but not to the same degree as people who have panic attacks etc don't quite appreciate what it can be like, and think it can be controlled without the need for medication etc. Maybe sometimes it can, but sometimes it can't. Anyway Keep_Calm, I hope it goes well at the docs tomorrow and that it helps you decide the best way forward for you. Best, KB

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Well I think it's important to remember that everybody's situation is different. I don't think medications should be use for a relatively mild level of anxiety, but if it is complete disabling then I don't think people should rule it out. We're not talking here about the kind of anxiety that can be dealt with by a healthy diet and exercise. I have a healthy diet and spend at least an hour per day doing really hard exercise- this helps loads with general anxiety and mood- but is of very little help when it comes to the panic associated with presenting. Whilst I can contemplate presenting without the help of medication, and up until now I haven't used medication directly for the purpose of being able to present (although as I said, I have been prescribed anti-anxiety medication)- for some people the level of panic associated with presenting is enough for them them to feel faint, have a panic attack, or even pass out! The fear of this happening can make things even worse, and prevent people from even trying to present. It is really important for academics to present their work, and for someone with this level of anxiety it is very disabling and problematic for their work. If trying some sort of medication helps people like this overcome such difficulties then I don't think it is a bad thing. At the end of the day, doctors have to prescribe these drugs, and are hardly going to do so lightly if there are any risks involved. So for most people who get anxious then yes- practice and it will get easier, everyone gets nervous etc etc. But for those where the problem is so debilitating then I would consider the medication to start with. Beta-blockers won't stop you from getting anxious- they don't affect your mind in that way. But they do deal with the physiological symptoms of panic- they stop your body going into panic mode which could lead to palpitations, hyperventilating, and full-blown panic attacks, which of course feeds back into your system and creates even more anxiety, making it physically impossible to present or even to speak! So relaxation techniques etc might still be helpful for calming your mind down. Chances are, once you get used to presenting with the medication and learn to deal with the anxiety, the physiological symptoms might lessen and you might be able to stop taking the medication anyway. Anyway Keep_Calm, as I said, I think it depends upon how severe your anxiety is! But I think some people will assume that you are just talking about the general anxiety that most of us feel when we present, rather than full-blown panic with severe physiological symptoms, and give a reply based on that. Best, KB

Hey Keep_Calm- this is weird, I had exactly this conversation with a lecturer at my uni just a couple of weeks ago. She said that loads of lecturers use beta blockers just before presentations, as it basically means that the body can't go into panic mode, although they don't affect your head! Apparently it's really common to do this, even people who are professors and have done loads of public speaking use them, and she said that a lot of doctors are happy to prescribe them for this purpose. I was thinking about it myself- at the moment I have been prescribed diazepam (valium) to calm me down for conferences, but of course that can make you really drowsy so it's not the best idea really! I'd be interested to see if your doc is happy to prescribe them- I have wanted to ask mine but was worried they'd say no as I'm on so much medication already. Apparently beta blockers are really effective for keeping your heart rate normal, reducing sweating etc, so I'd give it a go if it's something you really struggle with. Good luck at the docs! Best, KB

Hey! So sorry to hear about all this, you must be a very strong person to just keep going like you are, and everyone here wishes you all the luck in the world with your thesis and everything else in your life. Keep going, we're all behind you, and we're here whenever you need to vent/de-stress! Big hugs, KB

Hey Fiona! I would certainly ask him about publishing the results- publications are the main thing that will get you a post-doc (well, at least in my field anyway, I think it's not so vital in other subjects). I would express your enthusiasm and suggest that you would like to get your results published and see what he says. He would probably get his name on the publications anyway, so it would be good for him too- I think most supervisors would want to encourage their students to publish so he'll probably be really supportive! Good luck, KB