I don't have time to read the thread thoroughly, so apologies if this has been said elsewhere, but CleverClogs, the idea that wanting to do a PhD for reasons other than the pure desire to further knowledge is 'selfish' is extremely simplistic. Any basic understanding of the complexities of human behaviour would lead you to realise that; a) none of us can ever FULLY understand WHY we do ANYTHING and b) at a fundamental level, altrusim is not an effective way to categorize behaviour. Read Derrida on friendship.

This isn't very helpful Coop but I always feel guilty when I read threads like yours. I could fritter away 2 days and barely notice! :$ (Until the work piles up and naseua sets in). Slow and steady wins the race, right?!

Massive congratulations Heifer, always great to hear.

Hello hello, sorry for late reply.

Yes Sue there is an assesment outline, but it is very vague- as I suppose an outline would be. I teach English literature, so the criteria are things like 'displays some evidence of independent thought.' I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable marking an essay based solely on that, but I can probably help the students do the essay comparasion using it.
The course leader did e-mail back and I'm meeting her on Wednesday, but that is after tomorrow's lesson (the essay comparasion) so I'm just going to have to make up my mind today about what to do and stick to it.
The most frustrating thing is when people say 'don't put too much time into your teaching, research must come first.' Well, I might be able to do that if I didn't have to spend all my time chasing people for information, or puzzling over course structure.
Maybe I'm just stupid and other people wouldhave worked it out themselves.
We don't have module meetings.
I think I'd best bow out of this thread for now, because althoughyour replies have been very kind and helpful I'm feeling really frustrated and worried I might be coming across as rude and ungrateful :-(

Is anybody else teaching on an incredibly badly organized course?
Since I started I've been left to get on with things with almost zero guidance or input from the course leaders. I was told I had the job a week and a half before term started and I have no teaching experience whatsoever. The classes themselves are fine- it's easy enough to blather on about a novel for an hour and a half. The problem is that the students have assignments coming out of their ears and I'm completely confused about what's due in when and how to mark things.
For example- they have to hand in a formative essay comparison exercise in a couple of weeks time. I only just received some guidelines- yesterday- which explained what this is. It recommended, however, that I take them through this in class and they just hand it in at the end. But the module guide says they must hand them into the school office and they will be handed back with written feedback. How am I meant to give feedback on an assignment we have done together in class?!
They also have to hand in their first 'proper' essay on Monday. As yet, I have no idea when or how I will receive any guidance as to how to mark them. So, I am expected to guide them through the essay comparison exercise- in which they have to give a mark to each essay- without ever having marked an essay myself!

I wouldn't mind any of this if I knew I would at least get an answer when I asked. But I don't. One of the module leaders won't respond at all (and I know he gets my e-mails) and the other takes days. My only hope is to ask other teachers on the module, and whilst they do help, I don't like plaguing them with requests.

Anyway, I was fit to burst before I started writing this and have calmed down slightly now. Sympathetic noises please! ,-)

Hi KB,

I think I remember you mentioning that you were going to do this on one of my 'terrified about teaching' threads. 70 third year students! I am in awe that you even managed to stand up! Seriously, anybody would panic in that situation. Great experience though- once you're comfortable with this, anything else is going to be a walk in the park.
I will share how I got over my fears about teaching, but I struggle to explain myself and it will sound a little strange!
Firstly, about a week before I was due to start I started getting the knot in the stomach, waking up in the night etc. And something inside me snapped. I thought 'I refuse to carry on like this!' I'm quite confident in myself but when in comes to these kind of situations I'm a wreck, and I spent the first year of my PhD being scared of everything. I know exactly what you mean about the physiological response- I was in actual pain sometimes I was so scared, and it's no way to live your life.
I started trying to separate myself and my feelings from the job I had to do. So instead of imagining myself going in the room and imagining how it would feel, I imagined watching myself go in there as a neutral observer. Kind of like a forced out of body experience!I also thought about the fact that we are all -your students and you- just human beings, and ultimately it doesn't matter what any of them think of you. You, just like them, will do your job, live your life and eventually- sorry to be morbid here!- leave this mortal coil.
I realise I'm probably sounding like some new-age pseudo-philosopher here! But it really was a turning point for me, so if any of this helps I'm happy to embarrass myself for a moment :$ ;-)
It might also be worth picking up some decent books on public speaking. A really, really good is by Patsy Rodenburg and it's called Power Presentations (terrible title). She's a very well known voice coach and she teaches breathing exercises etc which help to relieve some of the physical symptoms of fear. Stuff like breathing into your belly rather than your chest.
I'm not sure how your classes work, but another thing which helps for me is to set up some group work at the start of the class. This gives you time to compose yourself and it puts the focus on your students and their answers rather than you. Seeing how nervous they are speaking in front of the class will also put you at ease slightly. Is this a possibility?

I hope I've been of some help.

Ok, here's mine!

When I was about 16 I was in an amateur dramatics society and one year we did Fiddler on the Roof. I went into the changing room one night and a lady whom I'd always known as having hair was stood in front on the mirror putting her make-up on, completely bald. A lot of people wore wigs in the play, so not having my contact lenses in and being a bright spark, I put two and two together and decided she must be wearing some kind of pre-wig, which covered her hair. And of course, walking past her I breezily called out 'Hi- love the bald head!' or something similiar. She just laughed, but all my friends were shocked.Turns out she has alopecia and I was the only person who didn't know :$:-(
At the time I was mortified and wanted to crawl under a rock, but as the years go by I'm starting to see the funny side...this thread is a good place to release my demons!

I have an article due in tomorrow (leaving things to the last minute, me?) and it has to be referenced in the Chicago style- humanities version not author-date. If I'm quoting a play is it enough to just put act/scene/line numbers in the text or do I need to footnote every time? I can't find the answer anywhere.

Help would be much appreciated!

Hi Sue,

Yes that's exactly it, well done for making sense of my post! Glad to hear it should be ok, and good point about re-writing the abstract.

Many thanks.

Evening,

A few months ago I presented a paper at a conference and the organizers decided they would publish some in an online journal. They asked the speakers to send an abstract explaining how they would expand upon the paper they had presented at the conference. I sent mine in and it was accepted.
At the time I wrote the extended abstract I was playing around with some new ideas for my thesis and I decided I would extend my paper by incorporating one of these ideas, instead of using the already-written chapter which my original paper had come from. I hope you're still with me!
The problem is that since writing the second abstract I have realised I didn't really have anywhere to go with these 'new' ideas and have abandoned them for now.
My question is: is it ok to submit an article which differs in a few ways from the abstract I handed in? It is due in a few days and I don't really have time to try and work out how to incorporate the things I said I would. Also, it is only to be 6,000 words, including footnotes, which really doesn't give me enough space to add those bits in.

Any thoughts? I hope I've made sense!

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I'm sorry to hear others seem to have lost their passion too, but I'm also kind of relieved, on a selfish note :-(



Kaymoy, I liked what you said about the PhD requiring determination rather than 'flights of fancy'. It's funny, this is exactly what I was told over and over again before I started, and I've even doled out this kind of wisdom recently to those starting their first year like some wise old sage. But I guess I never fully understood what it meant until now, and I'm sure I'll be tested even more in the future. As you said Stressed, it really is so entirely different to undergrad (and, I imagine, masters). You never get that sense of completion, or the sense of satisfaction when you get a high grade. So I guess it's hard to keep up that relentless enthusiasm when you know that nothing is going to be 'finished' until the end, and even that can be a vague and woolly process (corrections etc).



I can live with it though, I think. And actually, these past couple of days I have had some moments of inspiration and determination. Mostly when I was preparing for my seminar group, which also got me thinking. Although the PhD brings more freedom in some respects, its also very restrictive too. I could get madly carried away with writing undergrad coursework because I knew when that was finished I'd move onto a whole new shiny topic. In contrast, I've spent a year reading up on one very narrow frame of time, and dragging two texts in particular through flaming hot coals, again and again. In a way, I love that- I enjoy getting down to the nitty gritty of a problem. But I'm not so one-dimensional that I don't occasionally get fed up with it.

Hi both,

Thanks for your replies. Just to clarify, I have actually been doing quite a lot of 'cv-building' stuff. I'm just going into my second year and I've started teaching, I've presented at a couple of conferences with another one coming up and I've got a (very, very minor) publication. I probably should have explained this in my post! The problem is not so much the things I've done, but my attitude generally. I didn't do any of those things because I had a desire to them, they just happened to come along and I went with it. My supervisor made sure I got the teaching job and is now trying to get me onto a module covering my research area next year. I've never really thought 'right! What can I do next?'
It's not even so much the part about getting a job, as the whole PhD generally. I write because I have to, or I have a deadline, not because I want to or crave the satisfaction of having things finished. I really am rambling now!
Sue I think you might be right about certain parts of the PhD just ticking along. I just miss that fire in my belly sometimes!

Hello all,

Some late night musings from me.

I remember in the last year of my undergrad I had to work all the hours I could in a grotty bar in the city centre so I could manage financially. I would finish work at 3 or 4 am sometimes, walk home as I couldn't afford the taxi fare, and then get up the next day and work solidly on my university stuff. I was so determined to do amazingly well in my degree. (Disclaimer: this isn't a plea for sympathy, I know some people have a much much harder time)

Then I started thinking about masters and PhDs and I realised if I was going to afford to do these things I was going to have to put in some serious graft and that it could take years. Again, it only made me more determined to do it. When a studentship I wanted came up I remember telling friends that I would sell my own organs to be given the chance.

Luckily it never came to that and I got the studentship ,-) But now the days when I feel any great ambition are very very few and far between. I want to stay in academia and I don't think in the long run that there's another job I would enjoy more or am better suited to. But I see people doing all they can to improve their Cv's, organizing conferences left right and centre and I just don't have that kind of motivation.

I still love my subject as much as ever. So I wonder if sometimes I am too comfortable?! I have a very supportive supervisor, a great network at the university and I'm doing fine financially. So it's easy for me to tick by, doing what's expected of me but no more.

I'm not looking for answers by the way, but can anybody relate? Bear in mind I've had a few tins tonight :-)