he's right. i'm a pathetic crap phd student. that hasn't done any work. i don't have anything to show them.

We need to see a thesis plan and discuss it. We need to set time frames and targets and we need to mock viva you to evaluate whether you are capable of defending your work. All of this is very much in the balance given the amount and time ***** and I have already spent with you trying to set targets for your completion.

It is a shame that you have had so long to do this and it is only now, in the panic of your ultimatum, that you are prepared to do something about it. Please arrange a suitable time when the three of us can have a meeting about this

Regards

he wrote:

Dear Lara,
We need to talk to you in detail about this before you go ahead and make your plans. I had presumed you had been steadily working towards your thesis, but then you haven't been in contact with for so long that I must confess I thought you had given up on the idea of submitting

We need to know what you have done toward the thesis so far before any decision can be made about what work you should put in. When you were working with us, you were given a lot of paid tiime off to work on the thesis.

Where is the productivity from that?

And then ***** and I both ended up putting a lot of work into the papers to make them presentable. The decision about submission isn't just yours I'm afraid. You need your supervisors to approve of what you are doing because you are expecting ****** and I to put in a lot of effort and time to read what you do, correct it, and arrange the examination procedure.

I just got an email back from my supervisor and right now, i just want to quit and run away. i feel like i don't deserve a phd. and i feel like i don't know anything about my subject, and that 3 months is not enough time to write a thesis and to learn everything there is , background reading and grasping a good understanding.

i deserve everything he wrote, and he's right. although i'm shocked that he thinks they did so much work for the paper. that's so not true. i did all the analysis, i did all the background reading, i wrote the whole paper, they changed it around and what not. but i presented the material. and all the time he speaks of, that i had off, i was working on the papers. i'm not going to keep defending myself. i should just quit, and save everyone the hassle.

:-(

============

but right now, i just got an email back from my supervisor. i'm completely demotivated. and i think i am going to fail my phd. so right now. i don't even feel like trying. i don't deserve the phd. i dont know anything about my field or my subject.

Hey BB, thanks for sharing what that psychologist said, that's just made me feel really good! cause that's what i do nice to hear that it's not a bad way to work.

Quote that I have on a post-it on my wall in my study room, next to my computer monitor

"Wherever you are, it is the place to start. The effort to expend today DOES make a difference"

and another post it with the following quote

"One day plus another has an accumulative effect"

and

"A tree as big around as you can reach starts with a small seed; a thousand-mile journey starts with one small step"

goodnight!

BB - i look forward to hearing your update tommorow

before i got the dreaded letter about my deadline. i was going to spend the bank holiday weekend at my best friends flat, its her bday party tommorow. but i've cancelled it. so instead just going to the party, and then coming back home tommorow night. that way i can write at home on sunday and monday.

super sleepy now. i want to read one more really good paper, but it's too heavy. and i'm tired.
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procrastinating things i did= emailed a professor who helped me with my phd, updating her of my progress.
replied to my co supervisor's email, explaining to her, i will NOT be writing a chapter about "such and such" because i don't believe in it. and it doesnt tie in with the rest of my thesis and i am not comfortable with it. i stood my ground!
but she was nice enough to offer to read my draft of chapter 4 in a weeks time and help me to figure out how to present my data and analyse it, so feel great about that. that's she's going to help me with my chapter. deadline is june 2nd.

my collegue called me, and spoke to her about how to write my other two chapters based on my papers, and how i can use the figures and tables. and how i can expand on the paper, by going into more detail, especially methods etc. so feeling better about that.
--

1592 words -BUT most of it, is "copied notes verbatim" from papers. but interspersed with my own thinking and ideas and my own notes...verbatim words in red, my own words in blue. which i like to call "zero draft" "primordial soup" (joan bolker) lol i'm even referencing in online messages lol.

-I found this great article and read it today, and it helped me to think of possible figures and ways of presenting and analysing my data for chapter 4. so i have a clearer idea how to analyse my data.

so even though only managed to read 1 paper, (which was quite heavy!) it was a good find, as it's inspired me with ideas with interpretation of my own data.

actual total productive time = 1 hour and 30 mins, even though was in my study room the whole day!

yah the course of true love never did run smooth! or any love for that matter.

i always find the people we like, dont feel the same way about us, and the people we don't like, do like us! it's a big cosmic joke!!

just read your deadlines and it's totally doable! you can do this.
nothing like a deadline to clear your mind and get you motivated ;)
---

your deadlines are similar to mine.

and i am also doing mini paper chapters too! like a mini intro, mini methods, results and a mini discussion.
----

my first deadline is: first draft of chapter 4. to give to my supervisor on the 2nd of june!

Hey BB!

yeh i just read your reply to the other post. glad to hear you're in the same boat as me! as it was getting lonely for me!!

and yes please join in my thread!! it would be my pleasure !!

please post daily or more if you want to. this is your diary now too

to be honest, it's nice to have the company! i dont feel so lonely now.

i know we dont have much time, but we can do this! just have to hibernate from everyone and everything. and just keep at it.

it will be actually very motivating for me to see how you're doing, seeing your daily progress. so please feel free to post as much as you like

thanks for the support!

WOW 2000ish words, WELL DONE i am so proud of you!

BB welcome to the club! yes please join my thread, it will be nice to have company ;) and yes we have almost the exact same deadline and chapters to write :)

omg jojo, i love that idea of going to that place to write. whenever i get stressed, i always think of escaping to a place with a nice lake and forest!
hope you get to go! ;)

if i feel i need abit of a chance, i will pop down to the local park hehe. which is only 5min walk from my house. and it has a nice little pond. hehe and lots of greenery. good idea! ;)