======= Date Modified 22 Jun 2009 20:40:42 =======
Rick,



I am worried that if I quit I will regret it for the rest of my life. I am 30 so not that young anymore and if I don't get the PhD now, I never will.



Secondly, I get more help from my supervisor than most students. Meetings once a week plus prompt response to my e-mails in between. I am ashamed of myself, that I can't do this with even this level of help.



Thirdly, the alternative of not doing a PhD is doing nothing. I have a chronic illness so I am not capable of working more than 1 day per week.



Lastly, as I said, I am worried that with taking a break I will lose my supervisors support and willingness to help even if she formally agrees to still supervise me after coming back from the break. Also the issue of new literature will only get worse.



But having said all that, my mind on quitting/ not quitting changes every few hours :(

Yes, that's what I am worried about with taking a break. That I will get so out of touch with my PhD that I won't even finish. I also fear that good will and generosity of my supervisor will dissapear making it ultimately harder for me to complete. Not to mention that my funding is coming from a supervisor's grant so who knows what would happen there. I am also not sure if I quit, that I won't have to return the money.

When I see that a new paper has come out in my area of research, I get filled with dread. This latest new paper not only means that I have to do analysis again but new methodology is along the lines of my idea. Basically it's like someone has taken my idea and did what I wanted to do, only better. Not the first time it happened either and it's hard to come up with anything novel.

I would love to take some time off. I have casually mentioned leave of absence to my supervisor and she nearly had a heart attack. She reacted very badly to it. I think she feels it's already taking me ages because I am part time. Of course I didn't push the issue and I can try again.

There is an option of getting a letter from my doctor that I need some time off for health reasons. I am pretty sure that supervisor has no choice but to agree then. But I still want to be fair and would like to do it in a nice way.

I guess even though I would like a career in academia, my health is going to make it next to impossible. Unless a cure is found in the next few years which is unlikely.

So really my PhD has no exact purpose. The problem is, with my health being the same I can't work more than one day per week. So the alternative is being on unemployment benefit and doing nothing. I am sure I would be less stressed, but I am also sure I would be very depressed. So for me the question is what is the less pointless choice?

My only real reason for doing a PhD is that the alternative is worse. I am not sure if that's enough and I know lots of people probably can't relate to this.

I am hesitant of being too open with my supervisor. I feel like she has been carrying me on her back so to speak for most of my candidature and if I were her, I also wouldn't like sick/depressing student who is pessimistic and whinges constantly. I know that even most tolerant people have their limits, so I think that I am on my own with this.

Sigh. I have been here before and somehow I didn't quit.

I am at the point of near quitting yet again. I am at the end of my third year part time. I have been close to quitting many times before but somehow hang on each time. I am doing PhD part time because I have a chronic illness and part time is making things more difficult. New research keeps coming out and I am now now at the point of having to redo my data analysis for the third time. I see no end in sight and my motivation is non-existant.

I have barely done any work in the last few months. Today, I have finally picked up a paper to read and summarize and about 2 pages in I have burst into tears at how much I don't want to be reading it. I forced myself to read 2 more pages and then started itching all over from the stress of having zero desire to be doing this.

My main supervisor has been very supportive. I have felt negative about my PhD many times and she has got me to see the positive side. However lately I can see that she is getting sick of me. I can sense that I have become a burden, a dead weight and one of those students who drain on their supervisor's time with next to no productivity to show for it.

I just do not know what to do anymore. Is this a "wave" that I need to ride out or should I just end this and quit?

Hi guys,

I am trying to write a short paragraph on the rationale of why my department should give me money to fund my trip. I am 3rd year PhD student and have zero experience with writing such things. My superviosr is being pretty unhelpful. What should I write? I assume I have to explain how the trip would benefit my PhD and my department. Anything I think of sounds really lame.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Also if I decide to ask, should I ask via e-mail or in person?

Hi guys,

Some may remember my recent "two faced academics" thread. Basically, after being a TA for a certain subject 3 years in a row I was told to take a break this year. I'm now obsessing if it is because of bad evaluations. I mean, it could well be because of other reasons. However, I can not seem to let it go.

I'm thinking of asking my supervisor who is good friends with the lecturer that is in charge of the subject. My bet is she probably knows why but she has generally hard time with confronting me with criticism of any kind so she is not offering any explanations but just might answer the direct question.. Other option is to ask lecturer directly but I am kind of awkward with her so would feel more comfortable in asking my supervisor.

I'm still wondering if this would be OK to do. On one hand it might show a degree of self awareness which I believe is positive. On the other hand if there were really no negative evaluations it smacks of insecurity or even paranoia.

What should I do?

Thanks guys, you have helped me put things into prospective. I have now cooled down and have realized that perhaps things are not as catrastophic as they seemed when I wrote my original post. My supervisor is actually happy that I won't be teaching this year as she feels this takes away too much time and I am better off concetrating on my research. I also won't assume that my supervisor is making fun of me as she does of the other student as I don't really have any evidence of this and I am only making myself miserable. If she does, well then that's her problem and not mine ;-)

By 'two faced' I mean academics who are nice and fakely polite to you but say god knows what behind your back,

So I had the same teaching assistant position for the past 3 years during my PhD. I'm a part time student so I have 3 more years left. Anyway, now it's the fourth year and I assumed I will get it again as it's with the same lecturer and I never got a negative comment about doing this (at least not that I know of). Lecturer informs me that I won't be needed this year, she has a new person and I should take a break. I mean WTF? Obviously my last teacher's eveluations weren't good as there is no other reason I can think of for being 'replaced'.

What really upsets me is that I would appreciate it much more if I was told that my teaching evaluations weren't good, or some of the negative comments from students so that I can improve in the future when I manage to get another teaching position. I have been obssesed with trying to think of what I did wrong last year that I didn't do for the first two years. I can't think of anyhting :(

It is not just this lecturer either, pretty much everyone in our department is like that. I get tons of empty praise from my main supervisor but when I had my first y ear viva upgrade, I nearly failed. It's scary that supervisor told me I was doing brilliant and it was so far from the truth.

Now on the same note, I have been working hard to improve since the viva and I am again getting very positive comments from the main sup ( I have two other supervisors but they really couldn't care less). However, I do not know if I have *really* imroved or I only *think* that I have improved since I can't really trust her comments. I'm very frustrated.

Also I went to a presentation of another PhD student in our department. Presentation wasn't that great but almost everyone that went told this student "well done", "this was good" etc. What's disturbing is that I later overheard my main sup and another academic making fun of said PhD student how the presentation was horrible, student isn't very intelligent, and they are all hoping he would quit. Meanwhile PhD student is completly unaware of this and is walking around thinking he did great. This disturbs me to no end and hits too close to home.

Finally, I am pretty sure that main sup makes fun of me behind my back (with other academics). This has made me paranoid and unhappy. I mean god knows what they said after my viva and now that I didn't get the teaching position I'm sure I'm labelled as a s@#t student in that department for all eternity. Frankly, all of this has fueled major thoughts of quitting, however I do not know how badly I am doing with my PhD at the moment since I get nothing but positive comments. I mean I feel that with what I have presented above, I have good reasons to be paranoid. And in fact paranoid = realistic in this case.

Sigh. Sorry guys I'm just venting, any thoughts would be apppreciated.

I don't really mind this as it is so much less work for me. My supervsior usually expands on what I have already written and it always sounds so much better. This whole practice makes me think and hope that supervisor will write small parts of my thesis too ;-) I have no trouble understanding what is written it's more that I'm too lazy to do it myself.

I'm wondering if this is normal. When I submit work to my main supervisor, instead of telling me what changes should be made, she does them herself. Like sometimes she would write whole long paragraphs herself to add to what I have already written. I mean it certainly is less work for me but is this standard practice?

So I am half way through my PhD and past viva upgrade. I'm really not passionate about my topic and reading papers or even having to do any work on the PhD is a chore that I put off for as long as I can. The only reason that I have even started a PhD is because I wanted to become a "doctor" at the end of it. I have been severly affected by chronic illness most of my life and I feel like getting a PhD will "prove" that my life hasn't been worthless. I know how ridicolous this sounds but that's exactly how I feel. As a result of all this I'm a barely mediocre PhD student and will probably never be able to get any kind of academic career out of it.

I have tried to think of other topics that I would find more exciting but reality is it all comes down to hard work :-(

I'm now questing myself and thinking of quitting. I'm not sure if it is OK to do the PhD because you have the ability even if you don't have passion and your reasons for doing it have not much to do with future career?

Ok so this is really hurting my feelings. My whole team is going out together with my supervisors and a new person who started way after me. To make it worse they are full on making plans in front of me (as we work in shared office space). I get along with all of them reasonably well. I'm especially annoyed that the new person is invited rather than me (she is very boring and bland and I don't get how they would find her interesting). I just don't get why wouldn't they invite me as what's one more person in a group of 6. My conclusion is that they all dislike me and have been only fakely polite to me up until now. It doesn't help that the new girl is now feeling superior and is openly gloating. :(

What are the chances that our supervisors are reading this forum??
I tend to write quite a lot of details and if my sup happened to come across my threads she would 100% know that it's me.. I tell myself that she is just too busy for that..but on the other hand I wouldn't put it past her.