Overview of Mackem_Beefy
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Depressed
======= Date Modified 16 Nov 2011 08:36:34 =======
Hi Guys,
Last time I posted here I was over the moon as I had just passed my PhD viva which went really well and I really couldn't have been happier.....one year later.....
I took a postdoc offer outside of my home country (UK) and it has resulted in the worse depression I have ever found myself in.
It started off not too bad I felt good about the project and the new challenge and was enjoying it that was before supervisors true colours revealed! Bullying, pushy, narcissistic, arrogant, deluded, abusive .... I could go on! The stupid thing being the harder I worked the worse the bullying became. When I took holiday I was entitled to I was sent abusive mails and also when attending a family members funeral the same abuse incurred :-(
Resultantly I now have zero motivation and less than zero confidence and feel like crap, to drag myself in at all is agony now and I was never like this in my life before - I have asked a trusted staff member if there is a counselling service available. I have four months left before I begin a three year funded fellowship (which I won) with someone I know very well and I cannot wait. 4 months feels like forever though!
Phew! that was a bit of steam let off!
Hope everyone is enjoying their post doc time!
This reads exactly like my second post-doc, the only difference being I had nothing afterwards to go to.
You have a Fellowship to go to. I know the time out has been suggested, however, if you've a new position to go to, are not relying on these peoples' references and can afford to live in the meanwhile, the temptation must be there to tell them to "stick your job"!!!
I'll point out if they "dismiss" you (I can't believe I'm suggesting this as I wouldn't normally condone doing or engineering this), you can come back to the UK and claim Job Seekers (or if lucky find something temporary) or go on sick due to depression until the Fellowship starts. Either that or do a little travel for four months. I would not tolerate such bullying if you don't have to.
Ian (Mackem_Beefy)
Not passing a PhD
What's up Delta? You don't sound too optimistic. PM if you want.
Ian (Mackem_Beefy)
which type are you?
I guess I was a mixture of 6 and 2, though 1 has a certain appeal about it. :-)
Married or single name for PhD?
I guess it's a matter of personal choice, however, my external examiner stuck with her pre-marriage name for the Dr. and later the Prof. title.
She did in the end divorce, so due to her choices wouldn't have had her married name on her PhD cert. I don't know if the Uni. would change it after award. Anyone advise?
Ian (Mackem_Beefy)
Unsupportive family
======= Date Modified 10 Nov 2011 20:26:14 =======
Thanks for all the replies everyone, I've got a bit of an update: I've been here almost a month now and my family haven't attempted to contact me once since I moved. I have a horrible feeling my sister really has poisoned them against me (long story- earlier this year I cut her off after she did something unforgiveable involving a forged signature and me getting threatened with bailiffs, and even before that she had treated me badly for her entire life), and in any case my aunt never answered the text where I asked what the problem was so I'll probably never know.
I was also getting annoyed seeing my family's photos popping up on Facebook all the time, and seeing how much more they were in contact with my sister, especially when they were congratulating her for getting a new job in a cafe... she's got a stop-gap job and they're proud of her, while they don't care about me achieving one of my ambitions and getting what is pretty much my dream job! It wasn't doing me much good so I blocked the lot of them.
I haven't given any of them my new address (I can't give it to my sister as she just used my old address to commit fraud and I can't trust her not to do it again) and I'm thinking of changing my number. Mackem Beefy- thanks for your "hard line" post, and there's no need to apologise- I actually find it refreshing not to hear the same old "but surely they must love you deep down?" lines from friends urging me to avoid cutting them off. I think I'll give them until christmas and if I hear nothing by then I'll change my number- then again maybe I should do it now and avoid any further heartache!
I've been having counselling here and it was good to just hear someone agree that my family aren't good for me and cutting them off may be better than letting them go on upsetting me. I've realised that I'm not asking them for much- I'm not even asking for *love* here, all I want is a bit of respect but they're not even prepared to give me that.
At the same time I haven't been lonely- I've been lucky to already have friends in my new city and I'm meeting lots of new people. My friends back in London have kept in touch and are making plans to visit. I'll just make sure I appreciate them and continue spending time with the people who do love and respect me, rather than those who would prefer to hold me back.
Did you end up having to pay your sister's debt? The fact that she tried to defraud you and they are siding with her (assuming they know about this - or do they think you're making this up?) tells you all you need to know. Wait until Christmas and see what happens if you like, however, do not be the one that initiates contact as you've already tried and been rebuffed.
Once Christmas has passed, you can choose to block them on Facebook (deleting friends as appropiate) so you're not exposed to anymore of this. I think the line has been crossed from what you say and there is no turning back. Cut all links and save yourself any further heartache. The counselling and your true friends will help you as and when you need it.
Ian (Mackem_Beefy)
Slight disagreement
My take on this is if your supervisor has asked to sit in on viva, I suggest you agree. I know from your previous posts that you don't feel you've had adequate support, however, annoying your supervisor at this stage could cause problems if the outcome is anything greater than minor corrections. If this is the outcome, you will need to continue having a working relationship with your supervisor for at least six more months depending on University regulations and scale of corrections.
Also, if your supervisor has to submit a report and you've said no to your supervisor's presence, this could affect the nature of the report submitted. If a second viva is needed, the supervisor could if present provide pointers on how you could do better. Translated, keep the supervisor on side regardless of past working relationship. Play the system. ;-)
During viva, a supervisor is not supposed to play a part as others have said thus bar the report, is not supposed to be a direct influence. However, tell that to mine a few years back who during my bizarre viva basically wouldn't shut up!!!
Ian (Mackem_Beefy)
Funding pulled - what now?
Has your supervisor informed the charity of the 'Termination of Studies' procedure? That's how it looks to me.
It may be the charity has decided to pull the plug assuming you'll not be there to contine the project.
I'd contact the charity directly to inform then you're still there and willing to continue (or if via the University for them to do it).
You'll clearly not be able to continue with your current supervisor, so you'll need a new supervisor in place before you are able to argue for continued funding. With a new supervisor, the charity may consider this a new project and not the supervisor they were working with thus again not decide to continue funding.
See far how you can get, but it may be you're options are limited. If the charity do not restore funding, you're faced with funding the remainder of the PhD out of your own pocket or possibly calling it a day.
Depending on how badly you want to continue, it may be worth starting completely afresh with a different funded project with a new supervisor and possibly at a different University (and yes, I know that will set you back a year). Note anyone new may want to approach your current supervisor for a reference, so you may need to raise the panel's recommendation that the supervisor's concerns were unfounded. That in itself is not good and you'll have to hope other references will be sufficient.
Ian (Mackem_Beefy)
Fight or Retreat??
======= Date Modified 28 Oct 2011 16:22:05 =======
I can relate to the above, having had a 'bullying' supervisor on my second post-doc (or at least no man management skills).
If others are aware of this person then you should at least look to changing to a new supervisor. Do this with as little fuss as possible then with new supervisor in place, just get on with your work.
I would stick to the bare minimum to get away from this person, such that you have nothing more to do with them. Universities will close ranks to protect their reputations, even where they have a bizarre or unstable character. Only use the full blown formal complaint path as a last resort.
Ian (Mackem_Beefy)
Ian, whilst I can see the logic of what you say here in that it protects the OP from harm there is the issue that (if what has been written here is true) this guy shouldn't be in his position. If everyone just quietly tries to avoid him because they don't want to make a scene he will be around for longer and cause more people problems. Sometimes it just takes one person to stand up and say "hold on, this is ridiculous, how is he still employed?" and everyone else joins in.
Understood, however, it's amazing how far organisations will stick their heads in the sand to avoid tackling the blatently obvious.
The second post-doc supervisor I mentioned had had a massive blow up with a member of secretarial staff. It went to industrial tribunal and the woman concerned found herself having to drop the case as it ended up her word against his. It still got in the papers and the gentleman concerned was very concerned the publicity was going to put me off taking the job. It nearly did. I wish I had turned it down, the year that followed.
That said she was portrayed very much as the loser, so whilst there was some egg on the face of the gentleman concerned it was result achieved for the University.
People said things to each other about him, however, melted away when push came to shove.
Follow pjlu's advice but make clear you objective is not to make a complaint, only to be able to get on with your PhD. The tack you should possibly use is whilst you recognise he's an expert in his field, he's just someone you don't feel you can work with (i.e. diplomatic language).
Fight or Retreat??
======= Date Modified 28 Oct 2011 16:23:02 =======
Hmm, with reference to my earlier post I think it's time formally request a change of supervisor. Don't make a complaint as such (unless as a last resort), just initiate a change.
Can you make your second supervisor your primary? If not, can someone else not replace you're primary?
It looks like he's suffering some form of mental illness if what you say is correct. I know of one nervous breakdown during undergrad days and the class that witnessed it (I wasn't there) just watched the bloke fall apart.
Ian (Mackem_Beefy)
Fight or Retreat??
I can relate to the above, having had a 'bullying' supervisor on my second post-doc (or at least no man management skills).
If others are aware of this person then you should at least look to changing to a new supervisor. Do this with as little fuss as possible then with new supervisor in place, just get on with your work.
I would stick to the bare minimum to get away from this person, such that you have nothing more to do with them. Universities will close ranks to protect their reputations, even where they have a bizarre or unstable character. Only use the full blown formal complaint path as a last resort.
Ian (Mackem_Beefy)
Signing off from the forum
======= Date Modified 25 Oct 2011 13:49:37 =======
I was asked to contribute to that page as well. I'll have to prepare an edited down version if I'm going to be identifiable to that I posted on here (and I'm afraid every bit of that was true - just one bonkers though strangely straight forward day, though then again all the weird crap happens to me :-) - and yes, my abiding memory of that day is the referee for the footy match after rather than the viva itself!!! :-s). I've got to see a relative through hospital, so doing that hasn't been top of my priority list.
I will comment Bilbo you've been a good'un on here. I'm sorry to hear your health is deteriorating, but at least via your PhD you've made a mark and an original contribution to knowledge in general.
I can only hope that somehow, someone in a lab somewhere (probably doing a PhD themselves) discovers a cure for your illness before thngs come to bad. I'll leave this on that more positive note, except to say you've been very helpful to others and that at least I hope will leave a warm feeling in your heart.
All the best,
Ian (Mackem_Beefy)
researches in pedagogik
Sorry Alyona, Mackem_Beefy has stated on another thread that he likes to be called Ian, and I was just impressed about the translation so I replied to him as well as to your post. I wasn't calling you any sort of name.
However 'Mackem_Beefy' is right in that I think the question needs to be more specific if you want more responses. Best wishes pjlu
I can't remember saying that!!! Not really that bothered what I'm called. :-)
EDIT: I do remember vaguely actually, as the other thread was use of title after qualification. That was ages and ages ago.
researches in pedagogik
Translated:
"I am interested in research related to continuing education. There are many Russian works on this subject, but maybe there is something similar foreign scientist.If you know anything please tell me."
Google Translate before you ask. Alyona, you'll have to be more specific with your question.
Carry on PhD vs Take good job
The job situation out there and across the board is very, very grim. I've asked around in a number of places and people do not see it changing anytime soon. I would grab the job with both hands and even consider doing the PhD part-time, if necessary. My view is coloured given that I'm unemployed but given all you've said, especially if he would enjoy the job and find it interesting, and what I can gather from the job market in general he might seriously be best taking the job.
However, he needs to feel comfortable with any decision he makes as he'll have to live with it.
I'm with Delta here. Could he not take the job and continue with the PhD part time.
I'm normally hesitant about suggesting tackling a PhD part time whilst doing other things, knowing how much a PhD takes out of you. However, if the job is there then that perhaps should have priority given just how bad things are.
Tell your friend to investigate the part time possibility, but if not possible then employment may have to come first especially if he's not enjoying the PhD.
I gave up a job to take on my PhD (causing consternation in my family), however, I knew the writing was on the wall for my then employers. I'll add also that the skills earned during my PhD have had little use in the real world and that there are people with real world skills that leave me standing.
However, I'm of a different frame of mind about my PhD period to others, in that I have no regrets about doing it. It was something I wanted to do.
My ending remarks on this are the job comes first, however, care has to be taken than in deciding in favour of the job he has no regrets not seeing the PhD through a few years down the line. He needs to decide how much the PhD means to him.
Ian (Mackem_Beefy)
B'bye peeps!
All the best Bug and perhaps bump into you elsewhere.
The original reason I ended back here after a long absence was originally to seek advice due to a friend possibly seeking to take the PhD king's shilling. I'm somehow still here. I can't find my old account either (though haven't looked too hard)!!!
I may slowly disappear myself now my friend has decided against. However, it also has to be said there's plenty deep within the process who need to hear a friendly word or two, and sometimes speaking to others anonymously on here to people who are doing and have finished is easier than constantly burdening those around you. This place may well have saved many from making the wrong decision and those who've been through do have a lot to offer in the way of advice to those still slaving away.
Ian (Mackem_Beefy)
