Having been married, I don't know if I would get married again. I had some of the happiest years of my life being married, I will say--despite how it ended--but I don't know if I would do it again. Long term partnership, yes. Marriage??! Who wants to invite a court and a judge into your private life? That is what a divorce is. My ex and I were able to resolve our differences legally and present a settlement agreement to the court, but it still needed to be approved by a judge who did not know us, etc..if the two of us were fine with the settlement, both being well-educated, lawyers, grown-ups, why should a court have the power to nay say the agreement?

The same sorts of pressures you feel before you are married re: kids/marriage, etc. only intensify in some ways after you are married--then the pressure to have kids, behave in a "married" way, etc. really take off! ( at least in my experience). Although I made the decision to keep my name ( I hate the phrase "maiden name", its just (£&$_("£ name!) I was annoyed by the number of people who insisted that I was Mrs. Joe Bloggs, as if both my first and last name were erased upon being married. I thought ( for myself) how horrible if your entire identity as a person is changed by marriage, divorce, re-marriage--why not just have the same name through out? I had decided about the age of 18 to never change my name--the first time I had a conscious thought that it MIGHT change upon marriage.

I just have to rant...yuk, this was not a pretty morning at Bleak Towers. It appeared some one got sick on something, and decided to spew in the lift...why would you think the lift is the loo? :(

Then some moron ( the one who got sick in the lift?) left all of his clothes in the laundry facility overnight--hogging up the sparse washer and dryer facilities. Since there is only limited laundry facilities for a LOT of people, this is inconsiderate beyond words. What is the normal thing in handling this--to move the offending clothes into a pile and just use the facilities that you need?

there is just something very distasteful about the thought of handling someone else's clothes, wet, dry or clean...

Thanks all for the many suggestions and the information. I have checked out some information on line and will call round to a couple of branches near me on Monday. I think the face to face meetings will be more helpful than on the phone! I get confused by some of the requirements--one bank asked if I was a UK resident, and I said, I do not know, how is "resident" defined, I have a student visa, etc. The bank person had no idea. "Resident" seems to be the key to a lot of the accounts, but without knowing its definition, its hard to say I am one. It has rather precise meanings in US law, but of course those do not translate to the UK definition, whatever it is...confused, confused....maybe I should stick all my money under my mattress at Bleak Towers.

Having a small farmhouse or cottage in the country on about 10 acres, with my lovely sheepdogs, and a small herd of hobby sheep, raised for their fine wool, but never for their meat!!!!! And a few acres of organic pastureland, for a nice lawn ornament horse. The house would have a huge wood burning fireplace and a pot belly stove ( ala American style) and be nestled under a few large and ancient cottonwood trees, near a small stream.

I always go for hard copy. It is soooo hard to read on the screen. I like to edit my writing in hard copy too, its too hard and not very effective for me to try to edit on the screen.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=517487&in_page_id=1770

I have not had experiences to this extreme, but I DID have a computer that used to fail right before I had course work deadlines...it did it regularly ( should I say it failed without fail?)It always had to get a new hard drive...I finally got well tired of it and just replaced it, and the new one was much more considerate of deadlines...

That made me laugh about the litter being blown! I get mesmerized by the yukky weedy vacant lot next door in what once must have been the courtyard or mews or I don't know the word to a stable in the Victorian days. I like to imagine it as it would have been with horses and wagons and Victorian era people ( more of my Dickens fantasy?! ) The really weird roofline around me too is interesting...from very Victorian to very modern!

Marriage having about the same "succes" rate as a PhD--does that deter loads of people from getting married?! NO! Do some marriages succeed--whatever that means? YES! Stats are no reason to do or not do a PhD.

Plus, people who live together before marriage divorce at a rate much higher than people who did not...

The name thing is easy. Keep whatever name you want. Use whatever you want to socially or at work. Lots of people don't change their name now, so it should be whatever suits you.

I would say--if you feel ambivalent, don't do it. but if you think you might want to marry, go into some kind of premarital counselling with your partner to air out your ambivalence and issues BEFORE you decide to get married.

I can understand your feelings, Shani. That is why my now-ex and I were living together for four years before getting married--a lot of ambivalence about the whole thing. Several years of marriage later, we parted ways, and now have a distant but completely amicable relationship.

I think that marriage changes people's expectations. I have heard the saying, You may not be traditional but marriage is. I think that marriage is a loaded concept, people have unconscious ideas about how it all ought to work--ideas that they might not even know they have, and those weigh towards very traditional roles, which is hard if you are not in that sort of relationship.

And last but not least...I think it is important to remember attention span is good for about 50 minutes and then you need a break. I read somewhere about the need to get up, walk around, even if just to get tea or water or coffee, and take a 10 minute break every hour to maximize your brain's functioning.

I think that overall getting enough exercise and the right sorts of food help manage anxiety--easier said than done of course! In some people caffeine can fuel anxiety, so if you are drinking lots of caffeine, that could be a culprit.

SLEEP!! Sleep is important! If you are low on sleep, that could also stress your body and bring on anxiety.

Does anyone else get physically exhausted from studying? It seems sort of silly that sitting at a desk all day could do that, but for me, after a long hard applied day, it does! I am sleeping a sound, restful 9 hours a night or so now, which is what my body wants. A couple of weeks ago, I came home and fell asleep at 5:30 in the evening ( sat down for a rest) and did not wake up for six hours!!!!! I was that tired.

I think that is pretty normal to feel anxious from time to time when sitting down to read. For me sometimes the trick is finding a more relaxing working environment--home in my jammies, or with a big cup of coffee at the desk, or the right sort of music...and sometimes its a matter of saying, just one article for the day, or whatever, sometimes the stress can be a signal that you need time away from the studies. Sometimes a day off is the most productive thing you can do for yourself, then when you return you are fresh and rested.

Only ONE pile? No---you need lots and lots of piles, so many piles that crossing the floor is like ice skating! Well ordered piles, crazily leaning piles, piles that have fallen over! All manner and method of piles. Then it counts.