sorry to hear you are going through so much JoJo. Ending a relationship, even if its for the best ( especially if its for the best) is always so hard. We are all here for you.

Have you ever resorted to earplugs??! I have done that on occassions and it does help filter the noise--but then there are the worrying pops and pings of your own ears and head!

I would love to try an Ipod but all my CDs are back home in the States...another problem as to why I am musicless--otherwise could just pop a CD in the computer and play it! I used to be able to go to a coffee shop at home and study, lots of people in there studying, and they never got stroppy about how long you stayed. I don't see people studying here in coffee shops, so feel like it would be very rude if I just plopped down to do it. But it is my preferred place to study--LOTS of music, enough noise, some sunlight and caffeine IV. Libraries really make me go insane with the quiet--I can do about an hour in there and then I have to leave!

Yes I am lucky to be able to play music while working! Unfortunately I am not able to get to a lot of these suggestions because I do not have the right Flash player and not allowed to install it... and do not want to make a fuss about it to the university IT folks!

As for the noisy people whispering in libraries--- that drives me insane. And you are right, glaring at them does not seem to help. They seem very oblivious. Sometimes a loud HMMMMPPHHHHH and a glare gets to people....I have to go a lecture where invariably, people come in 10-15 minutes late, in large packs, chatting loudly all the way into the lecture theatre, not even caring how late they are OR that they are disturbing the lecture in progress. And then their phones will go off for a while. If I were the lecturer I would lock the door at the start of the lecture and not let them in until the break. I cannot believe how rude this is!

are driving me to distraction. I need to listen to some music whilst studying! Sadly I cannot get to Youtube when at the university. Can someone recommend a good internet radio station that has minimal ( or NO) chat, and good music along the lines of classic rock, or folk/acoustic, or MoTown anything, or jazz, or blues? I tried the BBC radio channels but they made me crazy with the amount of talking that goes on.

When I was at law school, the highest average marks went to women who were pregnant and gave birth during their studies! So there is no reason why having a baby is a detractor from academic pursuits. It is a sad statement that raising children is a woman's issue, rarely worried about by a man with a family going through interviews....your age is seen to be a hindrance in your child bearing years, and then a hindrance OUT of your child bearing years...you can't win!

Good luck with the interview a Bee, and of course with the coming baby! It sounds as if you have an ideal situation with having a stay at home husband for child care. You might approach the situation from a time table approach, saying the child is due on x, and if I am accepted for the PhD, it would start on xy and so I would be well back on my feet and able to start on your proposed timetable. I don't think you have to be apologetic for having a baby or justifying that being a mum takes away from your professionalism. My suggestion would be an upbeat and matter of fact approach that simply gives them the information about your ability to start the PhD at a given time.

Mellib, I think that your continued personal comments are bang out of order, and I am due an apology immediately.

by some hideous quirk of timing, 14 February ( a few years ago) is the day that my divorce decree arrived in the mail. It was not a surprise, I was expecting it, but it was a horrible day to have it arrive. I think I went to the mall, shopped like a fiend, and then sat in my car and cried. Now I just have an uneasy relationship with Valentine's Day-and am glad when its over!

It is sad to hear of relationships ending over a PhD. But perhaps the relationship would not have withstood the stress and strain of life over the long term...if you look at it another way, life is full of ups and downs, and a relationship has to be able to take those ( a partner's illness or illness in the family, the list of what events might come up are endless...). If someone cares about you they have to stand by you in the bad times as well as the good. If they care about you, they will value what is important to you and not force you to choose! Relationships should be an area of growth, not shrinkage, for who you are as a person. Someone who is jealous and makes you pick them or a PhD does not have the important qualities of compromise and patience that a relationship needs over the long haul. Another way to look at it--better to find out now, than in five or ten years...

I think that sometimes signficant other types become jealous of something that takes your time and attention up in the way a PhD does. Your boyfriend may be jealous of your PhD, but not even realize it, or think he is daft for feeling like that.

Can you try working half days or every other day on the PhD to coax yourself back into a productive routine?

Sorry to hear you are going through all that. That is hard.

Can you have a heart to heart with your boyfriend ( they soooooo love those! ) about your relationship, the stresses and strains of the PhD, and what he can do to be there more for you! ( or at least not contribute to the stress?) Can he take you away for a weekend break some place? Is there someone you can talk to besides parent/boyfriend/supervisor about how you are feeling? What are the sorts of things that normally motivate you--how can you psych your self up for getting back on track? Sometimes I think its like starting a diet or a work out regime--you are NOT going to lose 10 pounds by eating a salad at lunch the first day, nor run a marathon the first time you set out to exercise. Same with a PhD and the work you are doing...it has to come in smaller bites.