I think people bring different parenting skills to the situation at different ages. When you are younger you perhaps have more energy. When you are a bit older, you are perhaps more mature and perhaps have more insight as you parent. I think the main and really only consideration is--do you want this child? Will you love it? Everything else thing is secondary.

The "desire" to have kids is perhaps something that is as much socially constructed as it is biological. Not sure if I am a believer in the biological clock, per se. There is enormous pressure in society to get married, have kids ( not necessarily in that order)and women do get a lot of pressure from society "in general" about having kids. Either choice, to have, not to have, ought to be OK. Its a private choice.

I have no kids--but I get tired of people asking about this. Its NYOB--only close friends/family are entitled to hear about why this came to be, certainly not strangers, who make the automatic assumption I do not like kids/did not want kids.

So...to people who want kids, go for it.

That said, I think my friends and family parenting their first child in their 40's are fantastic parents. If you can do it/want to do it I see nothing wrong with people who have a child in their late 30s or 40s. People I know love the experience, are great parents, and despite the health scares and so forth on risks that you here, the folks I know have very healthy and happy children. Yes, there are risks, but risks are statistical, not a guarantee. Like with Downs Syndrome, despite its age related risks, the vast majority of children with the syndrome are born to women under 35.

I say, if you are SURE you want a child, and you are in circumstances, whilst not perhaps optimal, but at least workable, have a kid...or at least try! For one thing, there is always perhaps going to be that thing you have to balance when you have kids---I think this is just life. Secondly, no guarantees no matter your age that you CAN get pregnant...and if you/your partner/child's father have fertility issues that need or can be treated, better to get on with it, then to be find out later about those problems. Some people end up not having kids by default--they wait and wait, until one day, then one day never comes and they wake up and are past child bearing age.

Not having kids of my own ( but enjoying kids a lot--the reason I don't have kids has nothing to do with not wanting to...) its of course not really for me to say other than as an outsider, but I think that at the end of the day, kids just want to know they are loved and wanted. Kids are resilient--I think that you do not lasting or even any harm, if your child is with a child minder if you have to work--and the struggles that women go through and the guilt they feel is unfortunate--because they are bringing up lovely, well-cared for, well-loved children who are thriving BECAUSE of their mums and not inspite of...have you ever seen children not wanted, not loved, neglected or abused? even if their mum is home full time, that does not change the harm done when the child is neglected.

I have family members and friends who are single mums, with one or more children, and some with special needs--a few are in full time professional work in very demanding jobs, and just get by as best they can, but I think its fair to say they worry about time away from their small children. Others are in a financial position where working is a must, staying home not an option ( no child benefits to speak of in the US and let's not even get into the health insurance problems!) and again, do their best to balance out their life's requirements and time with the children.

I think that there are several posters on the forum that have had children whilst doing the PhD, and offer the point of view that while its got challenges, there are advantages such as a flexible schedule, etc, that allows you more time with your young child than working at a "regular" job might.

Tacos Supreme at Taco Bell....
why has the UK been invaded with things like McDonalds and Subway and KFC...but NOT TACO BELL??!!

Kayaking sounds delightful!!!! I have been thinking how nice it would be to have a kayak and so weird to now read this thread. I have done some sea kayaking, not river kayaking, but river kayaking probably is a better bet for safety? I wonder if I could get a kayak somewhere...but how would I keep it and store it and get it to a watery spot to use it??! Hmmmm...something to think about!!

Do you require that the university have a lighthouse for you?

Yes, yes, a lighthouse would be just the thing for the writing up phase!!!!

So what I am thinking I would like is:

1. a cape
2. to walk along a windswept moor by the sea
3. to have a moody look like the Scottish widow ( someone that moody could ONLY be a PhD student)
4. to have my own lighthouse in which to do my writing up--with high speed internet, a telly with license fully paid and lots of TV channels, and pizza anytime I want, pre paid, delivered right away....not to compete with PhD pizza
5. the sea to be fully stocked with trout

With all of the thread deletions and weird requests ( please do note, though, gentle PhD peoples, that the moon is FULL!!!! ) it seemed time to start thinking about capes again, and the things we need to make our PhD studies fulfilling.

Having given this some thought, I am back to thinking a cape is a good start--the Scottish widow look. And Halloween ( at least for us Yanks) is just around the corner--having just celebrated the famous 4th of July ( a cape would be a definite handicap at this celebration, unless fire retardant!)

Cheers for that!!!!!!!

Some time ago someone posted a very helpful link to a site that had upcoming conferences and call for papers. Having searched high and low I now cannot find that link or the website. It was something like www.conferencealert....but that is not the site...does anyone know what the link or URL might be? Thanks in advance!