@ the computer problem--what about just saying up front that you would like to request a new machine, or replacement machine, as the one you have is inadequate, due to a, b, and c, --give very specific examples ( it crashes when you open 4 windows, it takes 20 minutes to send an email, it crashes causing you to lose work, or whatever the case is), and ask what can be done to replace it. The straight forward approach may work more effectively than hoping someone will take up your hints...could you for instance email your sup/s asking if it is possible to address your concerns re: computer at the next meeting you have?

So Lost in Oz had a rough start, and was struggling to get by. The problems are not helped by not providing sufficient equipment. This is just adding to the problem. If the department wants to see Lost in Oz suceed, then it is imperative that he/she be given at least the decent basics in terms of equipment. Lots of places have computer replacement policies based on the age of the computer...which is the ONLY way that it makes sense to distribute equipment.

Let's say the lightbulbs burn out in your office. Are those replaced when needed, or does the favourite person get a daily or weekly lightbulb change, whether needed or not?

I do not know what the right way is to distribute resources for doing your research or work in an environment that sounds as if there are extremely tight budgetary concerns, but at one level, you have to be provided the basics that you need to do the job. This includes a computer that runs at a decent speed, that can handle the software you need to do your research, etc. I would disagree that distributing office basics ( a computer being more of a necessity than even a phone) should be based on anything other than the performance of the computer. Certainly not the person.

Values aside, I think the entire thing comes down to using judgment. Its not just about you, or the person you are involved with. Your actions start to impact others--your department, your workplace, your university, what have you, and the people who have to work there/study there. Can you and the other person conduct yourselves in such a way as to not disrupt the work/study of the place you are in? Can you maintain a professional relationship during work/study hours?

Its important to have clear personal boundaries. You may find yourself attracted to various people at various stages of life for reasons good and bad. Is the attraction self-destructive? If you are hungering after someone who is married/already in a relationship of some sort, ask yourself why? Its probably less to do with an attraction to that person, and more about making choices to locate unavailable partners.

If its a fling, then all the more reason to take that urge out the door and down the road and not do it in your work/study place. If you are not meeting people outside of work, then DO something to create a circle of friends and acquaintences. Find new interests, take up a hobby, join an organisation of some sort, or do internet dating as someone suggested.

If it IS a substantial relationship, then both people involved should I would think have the judgment to take things at a reasonable pace and get to know each other in a way that does not create the potential problems of a fling or short lived passionate affair.

And I am not so sure that workplace has been the place to find partners--its only VERY recently that women began to work in great numbers outside of the home--the past 10-20 years. And do these relationships formed like this seem to work, or no? That is not to say all relationships or potential relationships should be sized up on whether they might fail or not, but, I think in one sense, it is smart to look at a potential partner and decide what you want--is it a fling, a scratch that itch move, or are you looking for something more substantial and lasting?

A few points--of course my opinion is only that, my opinion and your mileage may vary, so its fine with me if you disagree. Its only opinions after all.

That said, I just do not ever, or perhaps only rarely, appropriate, think its appropriate to have those sorts of relationships in the workplace or in the department. Maybe across university lines, but I think it takes very mature and considered judgment to make this work.

Mature and considered judgment is a whole lot different than having an "attraction"--which I am sorry comes across as no more than "wanting to scratch that itch."

And if you are NOT that convinced about the strength of this relationship, why on earth would you ever venture forward? There are plenty of fish in other seas. Think of your own past history in relationships and see if there is anything that is carrying over into this...perhaps you are not really seeing this for what it is? Its important to have strong personal/professional boundaries.

Why on earth would either student or staff member want to get caught up in this? I can think of no reason that would justify the potential professional and personal complications. What if the relationship does not work out? How will you manage the (potential) awkwardness of this in the future--especially if one or the other of you did not want this relationship to end? What if the other person starts appearing at social functions with a new partner? etc. What will your future professional responsibilities be? Might they include working with this person? Just because they do not now does not mean they might not in the future. I can think of no reason at all to get involved in this sort of thing--as I said before, if you are that convinced in the strength of this relationship, then one of you needs to change departments or universities.

I don't think its a good idea to date your supervisor or tutor or lecturer--just as there are wise cautions against such behaviour in the work place. If you both feel that strongly about the relationship one of you needs to change universities or work places, in my opinion.

I went in my "mature age" from a professional salary to being a student. YIKES! In some ways the transition was not as hard because I moved to another country to do it, so it was not a question of having to change a lifestyle in the middle of familiar surroundings. It was a total life style change--shared student accommodation!!! a bed so small I cannot roll over!!!! walking as my main mode of getting about, no more car!!! changing eating and shopping habits, in part because of having to walk! etc...

I got smart about how to shop and where to shop and how to manage my student budget. ( Remember my glee in getting to try a block of cheese in a cheese survey!!?? That seemed like such a treat!). I remembered my old student days of some years ago, and revived the habits of how to eat, etc, from those days...although no longer trying to squeeze beer into that budget!

I find that being budget minded does not have to mean going hungry ( though I can imagine there are students who do lack funds!). I eat a lot of whole grain pasta and whole grain rice, eggs, fresh fruit from the local outdoor market ( way cheaper than a supermarket), fresh bread, and whole grain breakfast cereal. I can get a box of breakfast cereal for 99 p and that lasts nearly a week, and is healthy besides. The hardest thing for me was to curb my latte habit, and get used to drinking instant coffee. But over time, I have gotten used to it, and once in a great while do have a latte, usually when I need to feel like "treating" myself, and can usually manage to scrape up the funds for the odd pub lunch.

If I was really skint but wanted to socialise, I might suggest to someone that I would love to get together, but that I was literally short on funds, and could we think of doing something that would cost less (or nothing)?

I agree that it is hard to socialise when you are keeping an eye on your budget and other people do not have those constraints. I have found a few other international students who are even more skint than I and we manage to socialise by doing free things--meeting up at each other's place for a meal or tea or coffee, or sometimes just meeting for a walk around a pleasant park or green spot of land, or eye balling historic sites of interests like churches or the like. If people do go out and you want to join them, can you just get a glass of ice water or something, without making a scene, and then saying, oh well, I am taking aspirin or something that will not let you have alcohol or caffeine?

What is the "investment" that a university or department has in the completion rates of PhDs? Does this impact standing, rankings, funding chances, etc? On some other forums I have read where students who broached the topic of leaving were treated rather harshly as they tried to work out whether to stay or go. If someone is thinking of leaving, how does treating them badly make them want to stay?!

I understand completely what you are saying, Jouri. Completing just to complete may or may not be a worthwhile goal. I suppose its down to an individual decision. Its very hard to weigh up in any case...I think that the automatic response people give or you might give yourself is to just complete it because of time, energy, money, effort, whathave you. But I agree--the decision to complete for the sake of completing...not an easy call.