Back in the States I had neighbours that played really bad really loud country music...so I used to find classical music with screetching sounding violins and tubas and things, and turn it up really loud to drown out the country music...same thing when someone in a pick up truck that was more rust than truck pulled up with annoyingly loud country music--I would crank the classical music in my car stereo, roll my windows down and warble along in the best fake soprano voice I have....really loud and annoying people have an allergy to opera and classical music and this works to shut them up!

There is also about a seven minute rendition of Rule Britannia sung by a high soprano on You Tube. its actually a nice version of the song, so it will not drive you insane while you play it at high volume. The nice thing is that at seven minutes, it gets the point across to the neighbours....and if not, a second play does the trick!

I find that opera made a nice fight back!

Something with a very shrill and high soprano that goes on and on--the sort of breaking glass sounds is ideal---played at volume when the neighbours are at volume---it works wonders! You tube has some good soprano clips if you are not an opera aficiando...just find some soprano ones and let them rip. I did this with a noisy neighbour who forgot to turn off or slept through his very loud alarm clock...I put my clock radio onto an opera station at full blast next to the wall..a night of this and the alarm clock problems ceased...

I am reminded of when I was a managing attorney in a small legal aid office, and my moods were something that people paid a lot of attention to as I was the "boss", often reading meaning into them that was not there...that if I shut the door to work, it did not mean I was getting ready to fire the person in the next office...( which is what that person used to worry abut!!!)...etc...I finally felt like I had to explain, OK, I have a deadline, so I am closing the door to work on this and that is the reason it is shut, no other sinister reason!

So how we as students look at the sups mood as some kind of barometer on how they feel about us and our work might not always be an accurate read...

The other thing is that sups feature more prominently in our lives than we do in their's--in other words the things that stick out to us as students in the exchange are probably forgotten by the sups, because of differing priorities..not saying sups dont care about students, but as a student, your PhD sup is more front and centre in your world than you are as a student likely to be in their's, given competing demands, etc.

Is it possible at some level to just ignore what a sup says, when it is clear the sup is in some sort of emotionally wound up state?

In short, there was no one at the conference who expressed the idea that presenting was other than angst ridden and awful and something that hung over them until it was done! Again, this was throughout the range of presenters--from first time presenters to really senior academics. And that was not a "mean" conference, filled up with people waiting to ask evil and mean questions designed to demolish the presenter.

I was glad to realise I was not the only person who fretted and wanted to endlessly revise and felt some anxiety--on the other hand, I think I would put myself on the low end of the scale on that...which certainly surprised me!
Point being--academics might just be sort of emotionally reactive, anxious and fragile? easily rocked off their centre of calm and confidence?

it sort of makes me wonder if academic types are fragile in some sense, perhaps not as resilient as a group ( I am broadly over generalising here I know!) as other types of professions? The conferene I was at last week--a typical conversation went something like,

"Hi, I am Joe Bloggs from City University"

"Oh, pleased to meet you, Joe. I am Sue Bloggs from Shire University."

"Have you given a paper at the conference, Sue?"

"Yes, I have, what about you?"

"Yes, its scheduled in 2 days and 7 minutes, and I am panicking about it, so I must be off and revise my paper for the zillioneth time."

"Nice to meet you, Joe." and Joe, who could be anything from first year PhD student to a senior professor sort, would vanish in a cloud of panic and dust.

Agreed with the other two posters--sounds like your sup might be someone who is very reactive to external events and does not do good "mood control".

Is there any way to approach the sup ( constructively) about the remarks--perhaps bringing it up, as "I wonder if there is a way to clarify a response I got from you. It has been concerning me and I was wondering if we could talk about this latest piece of work and the concerns you have on it...blah blah blah...I want to hear more about that so I can address it in the future..." something like that?

The more I read about sups and people's experience, the more convinced I am that I have the absolute gold standard in supervisors!

Agreed with the other two posters--sounds like your sup might be someone who is very reactive to external events and does not do good "mood control".

Is there any way to approach the sup ( constructively) about the remarks--perhaps bringing it up, as "I wonder if there is a way to clarify a response I got from you. It has been concerning me and I was wondering if we could talk about this latest piece of work and the concerns you have on it...blah blah blah...I want to hear more about that so I can address it in the future..." something like that?

The more I read about sups and people's experience, the more convinced I am that I have the absolute gold standard in supervisors!

Yes, but to what extent are these sorts of participants self selected anyway? I mean, many if not most people are avoiding these survey takers like the plague, not making eye contact, dodging them, doing the whole pretending they are not there routine. So people willing to acknowledge the existence of the survey taker are self-selected...? to some extent? biased in being bored, friendly or hungry?

But not about cheese, surely?

OK, the stomach wins...I am starving, so its time to leave the little paperhive of an office and go back to Bleak Towers and find some food.

Well, I was a good qualitative research participant and participated in the follow up market survey on the cheese I was chosen to sample a few weeks ago. It really WAS good cheese, I did enjoy it, and even though it was not a struggling PhD student and was in fact a marketing research firm, I felt this peculiar sense of qualitative research solidarity that encouraged me to participate willingly in the survey!

Now when I see people standing about trying to survey people, I am tempted to catch their eye and look like a good random sample choice!

That sounds so much better than coffee from the coffee vending machine. I am trying to decide how hard I really feel like working into the evening...I really should carry on because if not, I will just have to do it at some point over the next two days...

So sorry to hear about this Sleepyhead. I think that if you feel the conference is important and its an opportunity to go that might not easily come round again, then you should go. Your grandmother's funeral and family gathering will happen with or without you ,and you can always take a special moment out to remember her...as well, its not just a matter of remembering her for one day, its the thought of keeping her alive in your heart and memory for the days and years to come. Can you think of doing something like ( in your mind at least) dedicating your conference presentation and then doing it in the spirit of her life?

These are difficult questions and there is no easy answer...and no wrong answer either...whatever choice you make is an OK one and need only be the one that you feel is right, for whatever internal reasons.

I have to get the security to unlock the building to let me in and out! I feel sort of bad about making someone cross the campus to do this...but...fortunately I can still get to the vending machine with coffee. It appears the local grocery stores have all shut down for the Easter long weekend!

I am the only one in the department and this is great! I am enjoying it!