I've had funding twice from two different sources, 15 years apart (science the first time, humanities/science mix the second). I think it's unlikely you would get funding from the same source though. I didn't mention anything about the first time when applying this time. I really couldn't bare to get into the whole sorry tale quite apart from being afraid it would be held against me. I mentioned it to my supervisor after starting and he was completely disinterested and has never asked what happened or mentioned it again.

It was the wrong field AND the wrong time for me first time around.

Crikey! does she ask all her students to do this? It is really excessive. I'm at the total other end of the scale. No first year report - and my chapter outline was just a list of short chapter titles. I'd go barmy being chased like that. Can you explain to her that this is just taking too much of your time and you must prioritise these tasks i.e. drop a few, maybe delay others.

My daughter is very nearly 3 and was born at the end of my second year. Then I took 2 years out and now I'm in my final year. Sounds like you have a good plan. I've heard good things about OU - but then again it's goood to have local connections and interaction too, espeically if you are going to stay in Germany permenently.

I'm funded from a uni trust and it goes up some years. When I came back after 2 years out I found it had gone up - so that would be once in 5 years.

No, I'm funded for 3 years. There is always more pressure to submit to the deadline when funded as depts/supervisors are held accountable for late submissions by the funding body - and some funding bodies are more demanding than others. But that is a different issue. You should find out what your uni policy is exactly. It is very, very common to submit late - espeically by a few months.

BHC - a great deal of the problem is in the lack of training and accountability for supervisors and there is real reluctance to change this. I would be beyound furious if I were paying for this with my own money - I can think of NOTHING that I have got from my dept or supervisor toward my project. Not.one.single.thing. No help of ANY kind. And I am not alone.

There is training but it's not compulsory and performance is not monitored. I read some new uni guidleines which basically boiled down to: you are totally responsible for the quality of your supervision. Where else would you find that attitude? In business, the buck stops at the top, not the bottom.

Don't know what the answer is really but I definitley know what you're talking about - and I AM married with kids. But sometimes I totally dread being asked what I else I do. If I'm at a mum & toddler froup or some place with people I don't really know I avoid the topic because it makes some people really uncomfortable.

There may well be a bit of the envy that BHC describes as well. When I dropped out (was kicked out) of my first PhD I did alsorts of jobs and it did feel like I'd gone to an alien planet in some cases. But even other professionals can get tetchy - some people are just like that - and others are absolutely fine and treat me like a normal person.

Just play it down. Could you stand to take an interest in their kids etc (I never did when I was younger but believe me nothing warms a mother's heart more than talking about her kids - think of it as anthropological fieldwork....).

Actually you are on to something there. I have found that it is much more tolerable to have a really mindless job than to have a more demanding job that happens to bore you rigid.

Marking is really REALLY tedious. And imagine having to read a dozen masters and 2-3 PhD theses over the summer too. Ugh!

The high spots come with a lot of drudgery - like most jobs. You just have to really want and relish those high spots and make a personal balance sheet to decide if it's worth it. I must say it's a close call for me - because of the pressure and hours, but if I can negotiate that to a certain degree I'm still on for it.

Yes that's the right way to go. Advertised funded places are usually in science but they do pop up in the humanities occaisionally. I really seriously doubt you will see one in your area though (someone can correct me if they've seen one somewhere).

If you find a supervisor you can always apply for funding and see what happens. Might as well.

Good luck. I have one small child myself. How old are your kids and will you have any daylight hours for work?

Pineapple - sounds like they would and could have kicked you out if that's what they wanted and thought best. It was done to me first time around - and quite rightly. Glad BHC wasn't my sup that time

I've been a teacher and a line manager in a business environment and in both cases we were held much more accountable for our behviour, and the quality of our supervision. For academics, it seems anything goes. You can be harsh, nice, attentive, neglectful - it hardly matters as far as repercussions on the supervisor are concerned.

Corinne - sounds like you have my kind of situation. 4 times a year is about right. I never did a first year report or have an upgrade meeting of any kind (just got a letter out of the blue last year telling me it had happened). Sometimes I feel like I have been given a lot of rope.

Just a thought - but maybe they are just overanxious and not entirely confident about their own ability to supervise this project - espeically if there is some expectation of using it in some way. Alas, academics are often lousey teachers and have the bedside manner of a starving vampire. Sounds very disagreeable but try not to take it personally (hard I know - I take my supervisor's total neglect too personally sometimes).

Well I've just checked the details and it says ''Exemption may be granted to you if you are in residence and have completed the minimum number of terms required and are not making substantial use of University facilities. The minimum number of terms for full-time students is 9. The minimum number of terms for part-time students is 15.'' So I have applied for exemption and as far as I'm aware I don't have to pay any more fees ever after this October (9 terms)! Is this unusual? Do other people ahve to keep paying fees until they submit (perish the thought!)?

So I think it is partly that you are the wrong two people for this kind of relationship and perhaps also this is just the wrong time in your life.

Pineapple - I have SO been there with the heartbroken attachement that becomes friends with benefits. You will have to transition eventually - but I know it's hard and it took me years...