Is there any opportunity to give a dept talk and show yourself in a better light? My dept has regular(ish) meetings where grad students and staff give presentations. If there is such an opportunity I would grab it with both hands and really prepare well this time.

'The PhD is your life... that comes first'

I so hate that attitude. I don't think any of the academics in my dept (ruthlessly competitive as many of them are) would say that - thankfully.

I think in reality the work pressure really waxes and wanes for most people.

The only thing that would worry me about the funded place is the supervisor. I would be very wary of a supervisor who had not completed his own PhD i.e. had not successfully negotiated the final submission phase. The fact that he has delayed submission would worry me. I would want to know more about him and if there other back-up advisors if youn need them.

But it is generally true that the bigger the name, the less time they have for you. And you are generally less accountable when self-funding because funding bodies hold supervisors acountable for late or failed submissions. I have noticed that, despite costing more, self-funders tend to take longer becaue there isn't the same external pressure to submit.

All the London colleges have good reputations though - and getting funding tends to be well-regarded. Self-funding seems to be more 'normal' in less technical fields.

So I think I'd be swaying toward the funded place if I could be more confident about the supervision.

That's how I feel Walmin - I never get to talk about my project with anyone.

2-3 times/year for not more than 30 mins. Now I'm writing up I'm hoping to schedule meetings more often to hand over drafts. We don't email. I like being independent but I would like more contact and interest.

Does your supervisor have other students and if so, how does he deal with them? Does he guide their research much or rely on them to get on with it on their own, i.e. is this his general style or is it just your project?

I agree with others that you should do your best to put a plan of action together and ask him to go over it with you. If he really knows very little about your area (which does happen - it's the case for me) then perhaps you could get feedback from someone else.

Well I sympathise as I have a long history of dating people from school/work/houseshares. In fact I met my husband at work, then we worked for competing companies and that got me into some trouble, so I quit.

In my academic field it is very common for staff members to be married or similar - and we regularly have postgrads who are couples when they apply together or team up later.

I do think it's kind of inevitable really - I think a lot of people really do meet people through work. The problem to avoid is having any line management between you and that includes teacher-student realtionships. Otherwise - just be prepared to deal with the fallout if things go pair-shaped. I can see that being gay might add a new level of anxiety to the situation - but straight or gay - it just is not that easy to meet someone you think you really connect with. So I say - carpe diem my friend

Is there some reason why you can't move? I can't move and I recommend making your teaching skills as broad as possible. Don't know how common this is, but as grad students we are expected to be able and willing to teach anything at first year level - across the entire faculty. I have tried it and it is challenging but doable as long as you keep one step ahead. I expect your subject will always be taught to some extent as well.

My subject is somewhat in the outer orbit of topics in my dept but I'm hoping to capitalize on the fact that I'm the only person doing it - combined with taking on whatever other teaching is thown my way.

The US doesn't fund all PhDs. Like the UK, some are funded, and others are self-funded, and many are paid for through a teaching somewhat heavier than UK students usually have. As for the relative numbers of funded PhDs and the stipends - I don't know about that.

The time/week really depends on your deadlines. As long as you keep to some sort of schedule then that is the bench mark. Are you full-time, working - do you have any childcare?

I'm full-time PhD student, I'm writing up and my daughter is nearly 3 (I took 2 years out when she was born). She goes to nursery 3 days/week, and I try to work on Saturdays too but we often have social events that we want to attend as a family. I have foudn working in the evenings hard. She goes to bed 8-8.30 and I find that late to start working. I'm setting aside 2-3 evenings were my husband takes over from 7 pm so I can start earlier (I don't want to give up the bedtime reading sessions completely). He's very supportive but he travels quite a lot.

I think it's going to be tight this year and I expect to be working more weekends and evenings - but I also don't want to burn out. None of the other students have kids - so my lifestyle and working pattern are completely different to everone else's.

Same here - my supervisor doesn't contact me and we have been meeting 2-3 times/year. Now I'm writing up we will try to meet once a month/2 months to look at drafts but I have to arrange it. He goes on field work during the summer and cannot be contacted.

I wouldn't want someone micromanaging me either - but more interest would be nice!

Personally I wouldn't do this - I would get the paper published in another journal without it being linked to the conference. I definitely wouldn't let the organisers schedule an oral presentation and then just not turn up. As a compromise solution - can you present your work as a poster?

Definitley the way forward - kind of like the US system.

It's better this year but last year was hard. I'm funded and my husband works but between paying my own research costs (majorly sore point) and my daughters nursery fees money has been tight. I also don't feel I can justify going out to do anything much as I gave up my job to do this and it's not fair on my husband. And we don't go out together because we have no babysitter!

In years past i recall working in a bar and the manager asking me if I could discourage my student friends hogging the bar and drinking rounds of lime and soda.

Currently - it seems we all have different available cash. Some are clearly pretty skint and others are unexpectedly flush - via family I presume. My main problem is that being older my non-student friends all have more money to go out than I do and that can be akward. I've been badly caught out a couple of times agreeing to do something that has turned out to be more than I can afford.