Yes - how big is the gap? although personally, I'm a great believer in taking your reputation to your institution rather than the other way around. What do you mean by 'reputable'? Is this as in the quality of thier research - or how they are as a supervisor? What about the projects?

This is my expereince. I had to go with the oxbridge option as it's where I live and I had family committments that meant I couldn't move. I did look into it though as even my current supervisor did agree that my interests were a better match with X at another uni. X though, had had bad experiences with long-distance supervision and was reluctant to go down that road again. So I carried on here - but it has been a VERY rough ride and if I had been free to move I would have.

I think your acreers advisor was right about that. Top grades are often required because competition for funding is fierce - especially in some fields. But that has little to do with what it takes to do a PhD. Good qualities for that would include: stamina, self-discipline, initiative (but not so much you do something crazy without getting advice!), patience (there's a lot of just plodding through and amassing 'stuff'), organisation skills, and perseverence. I guess it doesn't hurt to be smart - but you probably won't be using your smarts a lot fo the time. The kind of student that crams for exams and dosses the rest of the year will find a PhD a real shocker (I was once such a student - but now I'm reformed )

Yes - whenever I can't find my pencil you can be sure I will change my mind about the comment.

And I tend to start losing the will to live after 10 essays....

That is so true. I remember really straining to incorporate my sup's criticism into my MPhil discussion. Then when I wrote up the paper for a journal he said he didn't like that bit and I should take it out! Totally forgotten that he was the one who wnated it in in the first place. It's VERY subjective.

Well that is depressing so no wonder. In future, could you go through a chapter plan with them before putting in all that work? That's what I'm about to do with my supervisor - if I can just get myself off the internet, stop procrastinaing and actually get on with it.

I have been in this position. If you have time - it helps to read as many essays as you can first without really marking them. Use the essays to help compile an ideal essay plan. You should see the same items and examples appearing and might notice some contradictions. You could then check some or all the items quickly by searching online. Believe - by the end of all those essays - you really will be an expert!

Why don't you just apply and see if you get an offer/ If you do - then that's your answer.

My old field was biochemistry/molecular biology and I knew many people from non-Oxbridge universities who went to the US and some stayed. Perhaps it's different in non-technical fields and perhaps (speculating only) that's because there is les funding and fewer opportunities in general. Still not really convinced though... (tempted to google but much not get side-tracked....).

I don't know about you - but for me, my 20s were just all round difficult and unsettled. I think what many of us are trying to say is that if it so happens that it really is best if you leave your PhD - don't flagellate yourself over it. Put it behind you, learn from it and move on. There are many, many professions out there - many ways to pursue your interests (my new interests require, ironically, that I do a PhD).

But I don't think there IS a lack of non-Oxbridge academics in the US. Where is that information coming from because it's not my experience at all?

When I left the first time, the sense of failure and 'what now?' was totally overwhelming. I would never have believed I might want to try again one day. But for me, looking back, that PhD at that time was a complete mistake. I would tend to suggest: counselling (really essential I think), time out, give yourself permission to leave, don't expect any support from your family (and hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised...) - and at some point - a chat with your supervisor.

I really thoroughly recommend that you get some counselling. This can probably be done through your University - through their welfare or health people. You need some proper face to face time with someone to go through all the issues here. You sound as though you are in a downward spiral of anxiety and depression.

It's not at all clear to me whether you really should leave or not. It may be that you just need time out - maybe a whole term - just to regroup and take stock of the situation.

I'm hesitant to post on this thread as my experience was so close to yours but I'm not sure if that's helpful or not. I dropped out of a PhD - but now I'm doing another one. I hope that makes it 'OK' to post here - I'm also on excellent term with my ex-boyfriends

There are 2 parts here - your own personal experience and feelings and the pressure from your family. My parents were not keen for me to do the PhD but they did not believe in dropping out of things. When I left (and I really had to) they were completely unsupportive and I didn't go home for a year. I felt they relaly kicked me when I was down. I mention this because it is a sad fact that families are not always suportive when you most need them and you might just have to brace yourself for that.

We used to say you had to get your BTA - been to America badge. It was a common route to do a postdoc in America (or Canada). Money is waaaay better and the market is bigger - so if you are at the top of the pile here you will consequently have even more opportunities in the US. I think this applies espeically to technical fields.

Although I'm married to an American - I have no interest at all in living there myself. Much too clean...

I find that hard to believe. I went to a London college and know a ton of people who went to the US. Going to the US after your PhD is very common - but then I don't know your field. Most people come back again though - only a minority stay on for tenure.