Well there was a long gap ( 20 years!) and a big change in subject area between the two. I really never thought I would go down this road again.

It's very different this time - things that were better then are worse this time (social isolation, supervision) and vice versa (institution and place, subject area and project).

Well you will have the last laugh on them. I also have a tight system for tracking ref material - it's very easy to lose sight of the material and forget to use it otherwise.

Good luck Tom. This is also my second go at a PhD - only lasted a year the first time.

Definitely get a sick note and take some time out. Then only you can decide whether to keep going or not, taking your overall health, mental and physical, into acount. There must be a limit to the cost to yourself. Perhaps if you could just resolve/change this one task from your supervisor you could move on and things might be easier.

A good friend of mine completed his PhD like this - I think the distance was about 150 miles (maybe more). He worked very independently and collected data locally. He is a very independent kind of person who does not need much support or supervision - I think you need to be. He is married and his wife had 2 children during that time.

I'm required to live within 10 miles and we're about to move to that limit! Astonishingly that will increase my commute for 25 mins (bike) to 1 hour (park and cycle/ride).

Sassy - good luck with the baby. I had a baby at the end of my second year.

That's exciting about the paper - hope you hear good news about it and the revisions are not too much trouble.

Not much of a suggestion really - but I got VERY upset and demotivated with this kind of situation and also felt that there was basically nothing I could do but keep going or drop out. But at least my supervisor is basically sort of supportive and not unpleasant to deal with - I really don't know if I could have coped with that as well. I can see it muct be very demoralising. Getting some second and third inputs and opinions will help you to get some confidence back and steer an independent course.

Then you will have to make the best of the situation and take as much control as you can. I am in a somewhat similar position, although my s is not unpleasant just absent/unavailbale (and not really in my field), and have had to make my peace with that. It has helped me to get some advice from other researchers in similar fields.

You must go to someone - do you have a board of graduate studies or graduate tutor? I understand what you say about your s being powerful - but the consequences of complaining can hardly be worse if the alternative is dropping out or failing.

Have you been frank about your worries to your new supervisor? Surely it is actually possible to have a new external supervisor - or is your current s afraid to rock the boat?

That's how it is for me too and I've cultivated some links with other researchers in overlapping areas in order to get occaisional feedback and advice. That has proved really invaluable in helping me stay on track and avoid pitfalls.

You get used to it - but you do occaisionally need a second opinion for someone. Could you get an advisor as well as a supervisor? I think technically we do that here but nothing was ever mentioned. If I was starting over I would definitley ask to appoint an advisor who might be a bit more available.

Most journals have a webpage with information on how to submit - I'd be pretty wary of any that didn't - that seems odd.

The real question is whether you will keep passing up good projects elsewhere in the hope of getting something in the south. You probably do need to discuss a long-term plan concerning trying to live in the same place - especially if you have any plan to have kids. Getting professional posts in the same town is a nightmare for a lot of couples and generally takes some long-term plannning and often some compromise at some point by at least one partner. If you could get a good project near your gf I would certianly try that option - but you need to decide how long you will hold out for that before accepting something up north.

Location was limiting for me - it was either get funding here or go part-time (and work) in London (which would also mean commuting). Good thing I didn't do the latter as I now have a toddler as well.

My husband has a good job here and could only get work in 2 other places and I also had to move my mother down here to look after her after my father died - so no question of moving on my own to do a PhD. It was tough getting funding to stay here but if you are really committed to a certain place you can stack everything in your application to achieve that goal.

Keep going Jojo! here is my personal motto for this PhD, from Louis Pastuer: My strength lies solely in my tenacity.

I had know idea, when I started, that that would be the trait I depend on most.

If I had had my daughter first I would not be doing the phD now. Not because I wouldn't want to - but I would have known the conflict of interests from the start. We hadn't intended to try again when I started and in some ways it has worked out well as, although it's a struggle, I will hopefully get to do both.

It's great if you can both compromise and maybe go part-time, but my husband is far along in his career now and that is unrealistic in our situation - it would be like asking the head of dept to go back to a part-time teaching assistantship. If we had both been at similar stages that would have been different. We also like having the security of his job, as alas, I am unlikely to provide anything simlar wrt income or security anytime soon.