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I just don't know whether I can do this...
S

Hey there

I also started my PhD when I was working full-time, and over the years I decreased and decreased my paid work, until now I'm a full-time PHD student. It is really hard and you do really need to consider whether giving up all that time, not spending it with your family, is worth it. I don't mean to sound negative, but I wish I had've known at the start that I would be spending virtually every single day of my life for years working on this, apart from the occasional holiday. I still would've done it, but would've done things differently and not taken on so much.

If you need this for your work and have to do the PhD, then maybe you you need to set some boundaries ie not working on Sundays for example. Good luck!

6 mths to go - count down's on!!
S

Thanks AL. Yes, I did explain what I was feeling to him, and he apologised and it turned out all right, sort of. People don't realise the all-consuming nature of a PhD - and yes, might have full-on jobs, but not the same one that goes on for years and years, all day, 24 hours a day...I think I was so upset because of all the emotional baggage too - yeh, I did want to work in academia, but there are no jobs and anyway, I've had enough of it. So, letting that go is also hard, while having to get this thing done, for now what seems no reason...Oh well.

Hey, try and put your sup's comments out of your mind. What an insensitive clod. Am sure you're brilliant in your work and are doing an excellent job teaching the kids. Your sup also sounds like he's got lots of baggage, and investments in you and is not handling your working at all well. Not sleeping wouldn't be helping you either - maybe we should both have some time off, relax a little, and try and get our sleep and emotional lives back in order!!

Oh wait, there's a thesis to write...

Try and exercise, do relaxing things too to try and help you sleep. And carry on despite your sup.

Hugs for us both!

6 mths to go - count down's on!!
S

Hey AL

Sorry to hear you're feeling down - keep going, you'll make progress, despite your unhelpful supervisor. Sounds like it's hard for you at the moment - it is really difficult working and studying, you have my sympathies. And having to make more sacrifiies is horrible too. But I also won't be submitting in July and will need to push my deadline back, so I'll keep you company.

Well my nite out ended in tears! My partner thought I needed a dose of reality, so started saying how lots of people have really hard jobs, work long hours etc etc, and some have kids and a full-time job as well as studies etc. Which just made me burst into tears in the pub! So I had to explain yes, other people's jobs might be hard, but at least they can talk to people, can relax after dinner, and have a life. He also thought I enjoyed what I was doing!!! Being stuck in this study for 16 hours a day! (ok, I do get meal and exercise breaks, just like a prisoner). I used to, but now I hate doing this and am only keeping going as I've done too much to quit.

So much for my evening of fun. So now here I am, hung-over, wrung-out and a right mess. Back to bed...

6 mths to go - count down's on!!
S

Hi everyone

After all the pain, frustration, depression, boredom and hard work, I HAVE REACHED A MILESTONE!! I have just emailed my sup my 5 case study chapters, which I had already written, but have been madly completely rewriting over the past month. So - have just sent her 60,000 words, which are closer to being the final version. Hooray!!!! :-)

This is just over half my total word count. The big, scary discussion chapter is next. But first, a beer or three!!

I think the pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel has now gone past being a needlepoint of light, to being a candle flame!

Good luck everyone, keep going!!!

What a sorry state
S

Quote From angelofthenorth:

We should be relieved that we don't have a webcam function otherwise we'd scare the bejeebers out of each other.



Lol!! That's so funny!!! Ah, and also a good thing all my 'friends' have deserted me, or they'd also be scared of my appearance!

As well as my body, my clothing is also an absolute shame - shapeless cardigans, baggy jeans, oldest t-shirts. My partner regularly tells me that I look like an eccentric homeless person...

What a sorry state
S

Gosh, I'm not doing too badly in comparison then...but have noticed tingling on the right side of my body lately, also probably due to bad circulation. And I haven't had my hair done for months - am worried am going to start seeing grey coming thru, now that the roots are so long, not to mention new wrinkles, especially where I furrow my brow when thinking...more sacrifices we make....!

it's a bit like this really... http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive.php?comicid=1185

About Publishing !
S

Hi Tomatos

You should talk to your supervisors about the whole publishing process and what would be good for you to try and turn into a journal article for publication. You should also get them to read anything you intend to publish before you send it off, otherwise if the standard isn't good enough it will reflect badly on you, and on them. But in answer to your questions:

1. If you're doing a regular PhD, ie not in partnership with an industry body or employer for eg, you can publish whatever you like. It is not the university's PhD, it's yours - you're doing the work, it's your intellectual copyright.

2. You don't need to put your supervisor's name on anything you write if they have not contributed.

3. Publish original material if you can. In my area (social sciences), journal editors would not publish a lit review - they're looking for work which makes an original contribution.

4. It's good to publish before your viva. It shows the examiners that you're work is of a high standard, that it has already been judged by peers and found acceptable.

I have published a few articles, and have found it to be extremely difficult and time-consuming, but have gotten there in the end. There are a lot of things to be aware of eg the right journal to publish in, the originality of your work, the quality of writing. So, talk to your supervisors, they should be able to help. Good luck!

The exercise thread
S

Now that I'm writing up, I go to the gym most days - it's my big outing for the day! I really like the fact that when I'm there I'm concentrating on breathing, and various bits of pain in my body as I push myself, and not thinking about the thesis. It's the only time when I really don't think about the thesis all day - lovely.

I use the treadmill, and do cycle classes, which I love. I also do weights in a circuit class - and this is really, really good, as it loosens all my muscles. Before I did weights I used to have an almost permanent knot of tension in my shoulders, sore neck etc from stuudying all the time, and this is now gone. My gym is also not at all intimidating, lots of middle-aged mums, a v. nice atmosphere.

Despite all the exercise, I haven't lost weight - I think sitting and being sedentary at my desk for 14 hours a day counters this, but at least I'm not putting on weight. Writing up is definitely hazardous to your health!

6 mths to go - count down's on!!
S

Hi DrSeeker

Glad things are going well for you and that you got some positive feedback. Well done!! You must be pleased your analysis chapters are going well. And a day off - luxury!! Sounds like a good idea, and I might try and have a day off every couple of months too. Not yet tho...

Have been working my butt off for the last month, rewriting 5 case study chapters and still doing a bit of field work. Am getting there and hope to have them done in a couple of days - will do a big jubilant post! Till then tho, must get back to it...

Interviewing participants- anyone ever do this?!
S

Hey Button, yep, absolutely done that. It's practice, and becoming more familiar with your research and the emerging results. When I started I was really nervous and wanted to make sure I covered off all my questions, and did miss some opportunities. As I got more experienced, the interveiws flowed better, I listened more actively, and could start to see research themes emerging. You'll pick up on cues, on what someone says which could lead to something. It's practice and you'll get there. Relax and enjoy!

one step forward, a mountainside back :(
S

Oh, hey AL, that's really tough. This process is hard enough without a rubbish supervisor. How can he not have read any of your work? He sounds like a complete pratt, with no sensitivity and no idea of how to give constructive feedback to students. Do you have another sup you can talk to?

Put his comments to the side for a few days, have some time off, do things you like, spend some time with your partner, and then go back to them. He's a jerk, but maybe some of his comments do have validity, despite the way they were presented?

And you like your job, so don't feel bad about that! Lots of us have to work in areas that aren't related to our studies, in menial jobs, and the fact that you have a job you love, in a related area is brilliant! Yes, it's not academia, but that's not to say you won't go back to academia sometime. It sounds like your sup has been disappointed with you for taking this job ever since you got it, and has a bit of a thing about it - and no wonder, if he was relying on you for grant money and to keep his lab going! You're doing what's right for you, as best you can.

As I regularly say, a PhD takes as long as it takes. Don't beat yourself up about missing a July deadline either. We all push them back, despite working our buns off. I really doubt I'm going to make my June deadline too, so you'll be in good company as we keep going on this seemingly never-ending, torturous process!

Have a break, and relax a bit. Hugs to you and hope you feel better soon!

Supervisors say the darndest things!
S

Hi AL

That's a terrible thing to say to you!!! I would've completely lost it if someone had said that to me!! Yes, this PhD business certainly shatters one's self-confidence. We start out thinking we're smart, only to have this slowly chipped away from us. Eventually we'll end up with a doctorate knowing more, but also feeling more stupid.

That comment was one of those hurdles of this process. Keep going! Have a vent, have a rave at your partner, swear a bit, drink a few wines if that will help, then keep going. Your sup will also say something positive soon too!! And you know you can do it. We're with you!

worried about jobs
S

Hi Sneaks

Yes, I'm in the same boat. Post-docs in my area and few and far between, competition is steep, and I've noticed that some of them are already going to established academics with a few years under their belt, rather than new PhDs. Tough times indeed...I also wanted to apply for funding with my sup, but she's too busy...

None of this helps you tho...there's been a few posts like yours around, maybe have a read of those. I think I'm not going to have the option of working in academia and will go back to the civil service, where there is work and the pay is OK. You could consider that for a bit, altho don't know how many jobs there'd be in a regional area...

What should you do when your spouse feel's like you "think" you are a "now it all?"
S

Quote From sneaks:

I would try and have a topic that you bring up with your hubby that he knows more about e.g. football. If you make sure you ask him about football 2-3 times a week and then sound 'astounded' at his 'massive knowledge' (yes this can be interpreted as a euphemism). Then you tell all your friends, in front of your hubby, that he knows everything about it. Basically massage his ego (and his massive knowledge) hehe. :$


Why should Velvet have to pander to her husband's ego? I fully support people engaging in open, frank discussions, exchanging ideas, learning off each other, as occurs in relationships - but having to find a topic in which hubby can be the expert, so the lil ole woman can be impressed to make him feel good just reeks of inequality to me, as well as being hugely patronising to him. If he does know more than her on something, fine, but having to go out of the way to bolster up an ego by pretending just doesn't sound right to me.

What should you do when your spouse feel's like you "think" you are a "now it all?"
S

======= Date Modified 28 Feb 2010 21:30:36 =======

Quote From satchi:

Another thing is when you are with your husband, always make it like he knows everything :-) even if he is going to make a mistake, let him make it. I dont know how else to explain this in writing :-) well just pretend you dont know, something like that.



Sorry Satchi, I have to disagree with you on this one. Why should a highly intelligent, well educated woman pretend to not know something, to make her husband feel better? Women were told for far too long to pretend to be stupid to attract men, and consequently sacrificed their identities and their lives to pander to men. Sod that.

Velvet, you are obviously an amazing woman, to do all you do, and look after 6 kids, and a husband who sounds like he's threatened by your accomplishments. Is he jealous of you? Does he support your studies and other activities, or is he threatened?? If I were you I'd talk to him a bit more about this - sounds like there's other things going on here.

However, maybe you could also think about how you interact with people too. Thre is nothing worse than a 'know-it-all' and I've worked with several of them - people who always have to know more than others on every subject, have to have the last word, and are always right. Listen to people, think about how you interact, but also think about the other dynamics at play here too.