Hi Endph_Sien

There's been a couple of other posts lately from people who are starting out and have grave doubts - you might want to look at those too. It sounds like a really difficult situation and I don't envy you your hard decisions. When it comes down to it tho, it sounds like you really want a job and would take one, if any were available. Could you work in a different area while still looking for a job to come up in your field?

Some people are not passionate about their research, but I think most are, and if you already know that you don't like research work, don't do a PhD. 3 or 4 years is a long time to do something you know you don't want to do right from the start. Even people who love doing their PhDs find it hard, and if you don't like it, I think you'd run a real risk of not completing, which wouldn't help your career at all. Then you're assuming that if you did get the PhD, you'd get a post doc etc - this is harder than it sounds!! And would a uni give a post-doc to someone who doesn't want to do research? Doubtful. I think doing a PhD as a back-up plan, just for the money, doesn't have good odds of success. And I think you're right about not just doing it till something else came along - the funding should go to someone who really wants to do the project, to the finish.

And is it too late to apply to another uni to do an MPhil?

Good luck with your decision.

Well, how are we all travelling? Still tired, still being driven by The Fear?? ;-)

My 3 pages a day target is not working - I can't decide whether these are 3 1st draft pages, which means I don't get to count rewritten pages, or 3 final pages, which means I can't count the drafts!! Big things to occupy the mind! Anyway, am keeping a visual tally on the wall, getting some satisfaction as it grows, ever so slowly.

Writing is sooooo slow! Am motivated and coming up with what I think is good stuff, it just takes forever!

I think what you're doing is fine. There could be problems if you were just using the bibliographies without changing them and then included these in your thesis - but by the time you're done, your bibliography won't look anything like what you started with anyway. You could list the sources of these bibliographies in any lists you compile for the moment, just to satisfy yourself.

Hi Jellybean

I'm not familiar with the upgrade process so can't comment on that aspect of your horrendous situation, but do know about feeling anxious! The upgrade and a PhD is important to you right? So don't give up. Keep in mind that this stress will all be over soon, when you have the next interview. If you're having nightmares, feeling anxious etc, there are remedies to deal with that - go and see your uni counselling service, talk to them about how you're feeling, and this should help. Ask them about coping strategies - for eg, when I suffered from anxiety, I would mentally erect a wall between myself and the situation, and tell myself that the nastiness was "out there" and I was OK. There are lots of strategies like this and a good psychologist should be able to help. Do breathing exercises to stop the heart racing and the anxiety. Take St John's Wort - it helps with anxiety (keep in mind can interfere with other medications tho). Exercise. But keep in mind that this situation will pass! Good luck!

Hi Pineapple

Sorry to hear you've received such negative feedback - can be very depressing and demotivating! I think it's terrible that they laughed at your work - that's not at all helpful. But at least you do know what to do to fix it, so that's good!

I also have a 'wood for the trees' problem, and really, it's hard not to, when we spend so much time on this one particular piece of work. I try and overcome this by leaving a decent amount of time between drafts, so that when I come back to the work I'm looking at it anew. I also try and keep the main question in mind, and the elements I'm looking for, and how these all add up to the bigger picture - all fairly obvious tactics. I also think that that's what supervisors are for, to help us when we get too bogged down!

Cheer up, you're making progress. Everything you write gets you a step closer, and we need to write rubbish first for the good words to follow. And don't worry about a reference - you're doing a PhD, not failing, and so are doing some things right! Just keep going. 

Yes, like the other OPs, I think you need to look after yourself a bit more - you'll burn out at that rate, and getting sick won't help you at all. I'm in my final year, and also working hard, but am making sure I do everything people suggest - eating well, exercising, sleeping, socialising a bit. You might think you don't have time for these, but you need to look after yourself so you can keep going. Have a brisk walk, a rest, a nice meal with some friends, and you'll feel a lot better!

Hi Ceruse

It sounds to me like you've answered your own questions - in your post you don't give any reason for wanting to do a PhD apart from seeing it as "a back up plan". I'm afraid that won't be enough to sustain you for long, let alone many years!! You've listed all the reasons why you don't want to do one, and only a half-hearted reason for doing it. It sounds like you're not ready yet. You need to really, really, want to do a PhD to get one done. You need to be driven, almost possessed. It sounds like you're aware of the work and sacrifices involved, and not willing to undertake these. I'd talk to your potential supervisor about this, and maybe consider doing a PhD sometime in the future, and you could try again with a London uni, as you mention. Good luck!

Hi Madeleine

I'm full-time, also do some research assistance work. Things are going OK at the moment. Am now writing the third chapter, so am getting there! Yes, it does appear daunting when you start - organise everything and you'll feel a bit better. I find that buying a whole lot of beautiful new stationary and then organising folders and files makes me feel a lot better and gives me a place to start.

As for your other post on how long writing up takes - yes, it is a piece of string question! One of my supervisors said that it takes about 3-4 weeks to write a chapter. So far I've done all mine in between doing field work, so am not sure how long it's taken me. I plan to be all done by March tho.

There's another thread, called something like "10 months to go..." which also talks about writing up. Might not offer too many practical tips, but will give you some solidarity anyway!

Yeh, I also think this is an interesting topic. Live music in pubs has almost died off in some cities in my country, and people get their fix by going to an increasing number of festivals, so this is a really valid topic. Wouldn't your library have a database of dissertations? I know they used to exist on CD-ROM years ago, and are now probably available through a database. You should talk to a friendly librarian.