Good stuff, Doc Heifer! Having no corrections means that it truly is all over for you now! All the best for your post-doc future. Have you read the Belle Du Jour thread a couple of threads or so down...? Just a friendly word of caution should you be afflicted by Badhaircut Syndrome.


Only kidding though! Well done.

Do you know, before the last day or so, I naively thought that the noble discipline of academia and the seedy underworld of vice were as far away as you could get from each other. How wrong I was...

...masochism. That would at least explain why the elf that previously walked past worse a spiky collar. "Mmm, that's an awfully mature word for a young child like myself," thought Jemima to herself. "I suppose the Daily Mail is right - all children truly are becoming corrupted at a very young age. I suppose that it's attributable to the decline in modern day family values and all things Labour and socialist..."
Jemima's musings were suddenly interrupted by a series of angry exchanges by a small group of elves behind her.

"No, I'm going to be second author on that paper! You can be third!" shouted one of them.
"Hang on, I did the figures and the abstract. You just wrote the title! Really, you should just be in the acknowledgements section!" countered one of the others.

Poor Jemima didn't have a clue what all the fuss was about. To her they looked like a famished pack of wolves fighting over the last remaining chicken leg bone in the world. Why the desperation, back-biting and infighting? This really was all getting stranger and disconcerting by the minute.

Uncle Carlos marched forwards, a stern look on his face...

Would being a gigolo count as prostitution?:$

Well, I'm not turning to prostitution to make ends meet if I end up even more skint than I am. (up)

Welcome back Olivia! Was wondering what happened to you. I've got a book which will really help you prepare for that viva - people on Amazon regard it highly. It's a good 'un' too, that gives loads of tips on getting through it, called Steeping Stones to Achieving Your Doctorate: Focusing on Your Viva From the Start. Despite the name, it still provides a lot of guidance for someone who has submitted. I'll PM you the the upload address where I've put it for you for if you would like it.

If anyone else is interested in it, please PM me.:-)

This is what I think based upon my lived experience of doing a PhD so far. The most important attribute a person can have when doing a PHD is the tenacity of Japanese knotweed, a quality that means you'll never give up no matter what life throws at you - you'll just pick yourself up, brush yourself down and carry on. A first for knowledge? Important, yes, but not at the expense of self-perceived normality. Naturally, being assiduous is par for the course in PhD land. Cleverness? I do think you need to be clever in the sense of bright, but certainly not a genius. Problem solving, linking theories and literature, learning new, often sophisticated skills (PCR, Western Blotting, descriptive or interpretive phenomenology) and writing at a level suitable for a PhD and publication in the academic sphere do require you to be quite clever - that's why I struggle so much. But then, there's different types of cleverness isn't there?

I'd like to think the general consensus is: Clever? Yes. Genius/amazingly intelligent? Nope!

I am sat in front of a computer screen thinking about how much I really need to learn before I present a lecture in about...ohhh...errr...78 minutes. Coffee 1st and then maybe do a bit of reading for it. If I don't manage to learn any of it, I think I'll get them to do some group work and do the work for me.;-)

"Well, the crazy genius! He's only gone and bloody done it!" cried the elf, in sheer disbelief! "How in Libido's name did he achieve it though? I thought we'd run out of grant money and couldn't afford the reagents from Calbiochem..."
The Elf shook his head in disbelief, tears welling up in his eyes. Jemima looked at him, quizzically, not really understanding what all the commotion was about, or really how she had ended up here when she really thought about it for that matter.
"What's he supposed to have done? What on earth is 'this'? I'm not sure I understand anything..." said Jemima, very confused indeed.
"I, I, I don't know where to start," mumbled the elf. "This is an achievement for Valentines day what walking on the moon was for space exploration, what the internet is for academia...my God...comparable to what Gillian McKeith has been for health and nutrition. This is the holy grail for Valentine's day. And they said it couldn't be done. This, is, is-"
"Ahh, Tarquel my good man! I see you have fetched our guest. Jemima, what an honour! I'm very pleased to meet you and you've arrived just in time. So, what do you think?"
Stood before Jemima was a very small and slight man with a very tall head of hair (like a mini version of Don King who'd used too much hairspray). He extended his hand and smiled.

It was raining outside and there was nothing on TV. "One day, I'm going to be Prime Minister!" declared Jemima, triumphantly.
"Not if you don't eat you're Weetabix, and get to school you little twerp!" growled John, Jemima's father.
"It's a Saturday, so there is no school today," explained Jemima.
John put down his piece of salami and cold cup of tea. He wondered why he thought it was a Monday...
The truth was, John thought to himself, he'd just seen Coronation Street on ITV2 and, not realising it was an omnibus, he had thought it was the Monday edition. Then, something dawned on John, something big... Coronation Street is shown at 7-30 pm on a Monday, so that can't possible have been the reason for his misunderstanding and now, unjustifiably angry outburst at little Jemima. There was another reason, but what? If only he could think of the true reason...
"Think you daft bugger, think," he thought to himself.

Aiming to bring new levels of interactivity and sense of inclusive community to postgraduatreforum.com, to make it the best site in the world for the best PhD (and Masters - see...inclusion!) students in the world (us, obviously), I have had a think about about what we can do in our few spare moments of procrastination. Reading this forum regularly I note, with enthusiasm, that there are some really good writers, some who are witty, others who scare me with their detailed knowledge of the real world. So, I thought, wouldn't it be brilliant if, instead of using our wit and cunning to solicit stars from each other, to be become the best forumite in the world, we directed our efforts into creating a collective, collaborative fictional story.
The rules are simple:
1) The story is written in 3rd person, present tense.
2) If you post on this thread, it must concern the development of the story (written in the style above).
3) Each post must not exceed 100 words (otherwise you'll waste ages) and it may be too hard for the next poster to develop the story in the way they want it to go. But you can post as many times as you want.
4) You can develop the story however you want and then, with cunning, skill and if they want to, the next poster can change it however they want.
5) Anything can happen. Introduce new characters, kill ones off that you don't want (Darius Danesh, you're a gonner!).
6) The story never ends - even if characters have to die of old age.

This could be fun, and yet another reason to log in, to see where the story is at. Read it before bed (it may send you asleep) or just add to it. Oh, and no-one has copyright, so no nicking it, getting it published and claiming credit when it ends up features in the Times Best Seller List.

I'll add the first post!(up)

Thank you for that post Bad Hairdcut. It's really insightful and well thought out. I can identify with everything you've said there. It might not work out for me in the end, but I've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. And most importantly, I'll have the PhD and have proven to myself that I can do it. Part of the reason that I started this thread was, as pretentious as it may sound, to identify reasons for working away at it, because it's a daily grind and a big struggle. So, I'm just trying to have a positive mental attitude and hope that other people can contribute. Sorry, if I came across a bit snotty, I'm just a bit defensive about my work sometimes :$

Oh, have a star. Now there's a reason to be cheery!