Hi Jenny

I don't really have much to add in the way of advice as you've received some really good stuff here already...I just wanted to say I'm sorry that you are going through this, and I can totally empathise with you. When you are naturally prone to anxiety as you mention below I think a PhD is just the kind of breeding ground for it to get worse, and it happens without you even realising it until one day you wake up and feel like you've no idea how or why life so so unbearable. And while it's great having the support network, sometimes as you say, it can make things worse as you feel you are letting people down for even having negative thoughts about your PhD. In my first year I hadn't a clue what I was doing, and wanted to leave frequently only I couldn't bring myself to do it as I felt I'd be letting so many people down for nothing. perhaps if I had another good job to walk into or plenty of prospects I could have done it, but to quit to do nothing instead wasn't a great idea. Sometimes I do wish I'd left then, I've got my biba next week and while I'm glad I've submitted and can't actually believe I've got this far I still think I should maybe have done something else.
I just found that having something else to focus on, other than the PhD helps. A massive issue is see in academia is that it's too easy to get caught up in thinking this is everyting, the all-important thing that you must do to prove yourself and what you can do. But that's just the worst way to see it, in my opinion. Take time out to think about what you want from life, about how you are as a person and whether the PhD can halp you achieve that in any way. Remember the other important things, such as your health (mental and physical), your relationships and compare how losing them would be to not having the PhD. You'll soon find out what are the most important things and how to prioritise them. Remember that you must be kind to yourself, keep smoking for now if you need to, no point adding to the stress. Don't give yourself the 3-year deadline - plan roughly what you want to do/find out for your project, plan roughly what you need to do int eh first year, break that down into months and then weeks. Even if it's read 2 papers a day, you'll still be doing work, getting closer to the end, and you've no need to feel guilty. No point finishing in 3 years if you're a shaking wreck by the end of it.
Go for walks when you need to, go out with friends when you need to, if possible set a day a week where you meet friends, do something fun and take your mind off work totally. Even if that means white water rafting - trust me you'll not be thinking about work if you're doing something really active that requires all your concentration! It's so so important to get a break from work for a while, even set aside an hour a day where you do something different, to get you out of the huse, away from uni and you can have breathing space to help your anxiety levels come back down. And do use uni counselling services, really helped me!

Congratulations Jojo!! As others have said, at least you have passed, and once you have received the corrections you'll know exactly what you have to do to finish totally. As frustrating as I'm sure it is having to go back over it all again, you are doing it form the other side now, you've got the viva done and you don't have to go through it all again!! Congratulations for passing with what seemed like a pretty tough external, sounds a bit like one of my supervisors who I'm so glad isn't my examiner so well done you!!

Good luck Jojo, don't panic, and you'll be fine!! (up)

Hey Chuff, I'm prepping just 2 weeks in advance, I could have done some over Christmas but decided I needed the break so I'm just 2 weeks away now! Almost wish I'd started earlier but I know it would have just scared me even more so I'm feeling ok, hopefully it's enough though!! Good luck!

To Jojo, good luck for your viva, I know it's coming soon, I'm sure you'll be great though!!!

Today I started reading my thesis again in preparation for the viva and got so scared by mistakes I'm finding already that I had to stop! arrrgh!!

Hi everyone!
Thanks for all the great replies, it has actually really lifted my mood and helped me not worry about it so much!! I think it's definitely right to say that the very long time it takes for the whole thing to be over and resolved is totally maddening, it feels very hard to get a sense of closure about it and possibly that's why I can't really move on yet, so thanks for that suggestion. It's nice to hear it's not just me, but at the same time I hope everyone starts to feel a bit better about things soon, it's really not a nice situation.
As for the thing with my cousin, I would never expect her to read it, that wasn't my intention, it was just to show her what I had done. I guess it was just frustrating as I have spent years looking at all her work and talking it over with her and going to her art shows etc and I would have expected the same courtesy in return. But, it was just one time, a small thing, and I'd say she would have no idea that it would have bothered me so, it surprised even me how much it got to me.
While I feel very proud of what I've done and hopefully everything will go well with the viva, I'm not sure it's healthy to put so much of myself into one thing the way the PhD has been, and I certainly wouldn't go to that intensity again. It's hard to claw your way back to normality, especially when you aren't sure what normality is anymore as a PhD can change you so much. I feel almost like a teenager again, trying to figure out what kind of person I am and what I want from life, what job to do etc. I'm not intent in staying in academia, but at the same time I don't want to leave it behind altogether or do a job that isn't challenging. So who knows?! I have decided to try and look at things in a different way, and instead of being afraid of not knowing what I'm doing or where I'm going, I'm going to try and enjoy it, and look forward to where life goes next. After all, hopefully we'll be here for a long time, so no point spending it worried about things that can never be known in advance. If that even makes sense!!

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Hi everyone
I just thought I'd see if this has happened to others, or if anyone can tell me what's going on...

A little random I suppose, but ever since I have submitted my PhD, and I suppose ever since the summer when I started the real writing up phase, my head has been totally all over the place. I expected to be a bit mad over the summer, and I know I was extremely stressed, and tense, argumentative and generally irritating to be around. I have since been told by a very good friend that I was actually a bit mental at the time and she starting to get concerned near the end. However, since then I thought I would go back to normal, but it's not really happening! I'm not sure why, and I don't like it. I can easily begin to feel really down and let little things really bother me. Like tonight, I had been doing some viva prep, so my thesis was sitting out when my cousin came round who I haven't seen much since I finished. I asked her if she wanted to see it and she just brushed it off, saying she didn't have much time and would look at it later. It really hurt me, as this is the culmination of over 3 years of work that was just brushed aside like it didn't matter. I'm starting to get really easily irritated by people and questioning even staying in the relationship I've been in for over 4 years.

I guess I'm just wondering if this is usual for post submission? I haven't got a job yet despite 2 good interviews, but there has only been one other vacancy in my field so there aren't even many jobs around. Plus I still have to do my viva, so I'm not sure if it's just residual stress...I feel really unsettled, and hate not being able to have much control over what happens.

Hi Joyce
I really feel for you here, I've had the same situation myself. Well, slightly different, in that I had one supervisor who was actually marking stuff, but half my thesis was under the expertise of my 2nd supervisor who felt deadlines to be more of a very loose guideline, like your own supervisor. I did have to go to my main sup several times to complain about it, but each time my 2nd sup blamed it on me so it never really worked that well, I didn't have an independent postgrad secretary like you have. As for asking you to email the chapters again...the day before I was meant to submit my 2nd sup emailed to say I shouldn't as there were too many corrections to have done in time, and then emailed the next day for a copy of the thesis, as he hadn't even read half of it yet. And he did it again, the week before my next submission date, I literally had to refuse to leave his office and sit there while he marked half of one chapter, take it and do the corrections and come back to make sure he marked the second half. The day before I was submitting the second time round he appeared with a whole pile of corrections that he had 4 months to do before that. I did whatever I could, and then left the rest, I couldn't miss submission again.
I guess I don't really have much advice, except to say that I know how you feel and I empathise with you and how frustrating it is. The only thing you can do, apart from keeping other people in the department aware of when you are sending work and how long the delay is to get feedback, is just to keep pushing and prodding at your supervisors. It's annoying and ridiculous to be in the situation, but just keep reminding yourself that it WILL end, and one day soon you'll not have to deal with them in that way again.

Good luck!!

Hi Satchi :)

Usually I have so much Christmas cheer I could be mistaken for an elf, but this year not so much! I've been trying though, got the decorations up and made the pudding and have all my presents bought, even exchanged one with a friend yesterday, but it's just not happening really. I've got loads on my mind tho, submitted with viva in Jan but NO prospect of a job yet, my brother is away this year, relationship issues, friend issues and my dad is totally dosed which has everyone rather grumpy. But I am determined to be cheerful, I watched the Santa Clause earlier and I'm going to try and see as much of friends and family as possible, and I'm not going to worry a bit about the amount of chocolate and wine that will be consumed! I think I deserve it after the year I've had!

Actually, even writing this has made me more determined! Going to have a quick hour or two of viva prep, and then crack on with having fun :)

Hi Natassia, how great to hear you've handed in your MSc thesis!! I know the feeling of not being happy with it even at the end, but I don't doubt for a second that it'll be anything other than great. Just try to relax a bit over Christmas, and try not to think too much about your final result (easier said than done I know...). Remember the PhD is a marathon, and you need to be right for it from the start, so it's so important to take care of yourself, mentally just as much (if not more) than physically. Take plenty of time to sit and watch silly Christmas movies, spend time with your friends and family and enjoy having a bit of free time. And take the first year of your PhD steadily, keep weekends free as much as possible. Work WILL steadily increase until final year, so don't work yourself into the ground in first year!!

And good luck! (up)

I've just seen this Wally, congrats!! I remember that feeling, here's hoping there aren't too many corrections and you can concentrate on getting it all done! Seeing it altogether for the first time is worth it!! Good luck!!!

Congratulations Dr. Littlestar! I hope it sinks in soon and you can really enjoy feeling the achievement of all that you've done!!

I got one!! I never get these!! I'm so pleased, and yet saddened that I'm not the only one.....

I've just seen this AmyP, absolutely fantastic news!! Well done!!

Thanks guys! Starting to dread the viva but hey, at least the beast is in!

And yea, if possible I would definately recommend taking a bound copy home and proofing it beofre submission, all sorts of mistakes and inconsistancies will show up once you see it all together, I had the header for my biggest chapter in bold with a random number stuck on the end, and had to reprint the whole thing, didn't see it until it was stuck in between two good chapters!

Good luck everyone!! It will end, no matter how much it feels like it never will and it's gona drag on forever, you will get there!!!