To be honest, I have been through this year a few years ago with an ex who was extremely attractive. At first I used to get involved warning off potential suitors. But then she reminded me that she chooses to be with me, so what have I got to be worried about?

Thanks H and sylvester, I understand your points but its my nature not to worry about the other woman's intentions but my boyfriend's. I know he finds her attractive and that if it wasnt me, he would do something with her. Should this be enough to make me worry though? Is it just who he chooses to be or also who he thinks of/desires etc? You dont break up each time you are attracted by another perosn after all...

I understand you scamp, because this is exactly the way I feel as well. it is not only the actions, it is the thoughts as well, although this is not something you can control in a person. Either they admit it or not, men always have "thoughts" for other women but they wont break up with the one they love for them. Try to be happy with this. The rest is out of you hand (I say that to you but it is more directed to me).

Yes scamp, there is one of those at his workplace . But I am not as worried as I was a couple of weeks ago. He doesn't seem to be as impressed by her any more. But I still would like to meet her to make up my own mind about her. I don't get jealous very easily but I did a couple of times during our 6-years relationship. The last girl I was jealous about turned out to be too ordinary, needy and even boring. Looking back, I feel a bit silly for feeling jealous.

I think you should meet this woman that your boyfriend's been going on about, and see if you'll also think she is that great. It might turn out that your boyfriend just needs a friend and he can find something comfortable in her company. If that's the case, let him have it. After all, you love him and you want the best for him, don't you?

I want the best for him, but when it comes to him flirting with another woman just because he enjoys it, I wont accept it just because I want the best for him. The best for him should be me. I may meet her and form my own opinion although HIS opinion is what counts here and thats something I know. I am just curious to meet her, yes. He said she has a very nice smile and eyes, is very intelligent and knowledgable... so I guess my opinion wont really matter.

Time to emphasise the male perspective here. Yes we do look, yes we might desire (in those cases, usually a primeval way) but we have no intention of taking it further, because we are more than happy to be with the one we love.

Men get attracted by every new female person. A smile will always be an attractive smile for them. I really believe that.

So, sylvester you see? You just said it. You do have desire and thoughts for other women. So, how this should make us feel?

Accept that it's part of the male genetic being, but don't feel threatened by it. It's a male weakness if anything. I, for one, am easily pleased!

And then, where are the borders between thoughts, desire and being in love?

I suppose these things overlap Sara.

sylvester, that's a similar thing to what my boyfriend says. I think the same goes for us (women) too. There is nothing more natural then finding someone attractive. But it is very difficult to be so natural about it when your partner pays attention to somebody else. Especially if that person is part of their life that is outside your life (i.e work).

scamp, once you meet her (office party, inviting her for dinner etc.) you would know if your boyfriend has feelings for her or not. Until then, whatever you say to him is going to wind him up. It might even create feelings that weren't there in the first place. So, I think the best thing is to keep quiet about it for a while, joke when necessary, and see if he talks about her less and less.

not "then", "than"

Men categorise women in two ways - (1) those they have lustful thoughts over but have no intention of having a relationship with (the attractive young lady who passes you in the street or, indeed, a work colleague) and (20 those they consider the marrying type (the ones they have relationships with). Of course, single man may well indulge in (1) for a while but ultimately will realise he prefers (2).

Jealousy is a very destructive state - you sound consumed by it... stop. It will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

May I also point out that ladies like to be flirted with! Attached or not, it is actually very healthy.

A few years ago I went to a club in London with someone and we 'mingled' seperately for a while. I got cornered at the bar by a very persistent individual, but without anyone at my side it was difficult to get away. After a while I spotted my date not too far away enjoying watching me squirm, safe (and happy) in the knowledge that we would be leaving together WITHOUT the 'chancer'!