I agree with all of the above H.


Can I ask....how did you guys meet, you sound so happy!

thanks roopa, we are (mostly - guys are still guys)

How we met? Well, my dad's cousin brother's wife works with his cousin-sister in the midlands together. His cousin must have gone, "oh, my aunt and uncle are looking for a girl for my cousin" and my aunt would have said "how old is he, what does he do?" and then she would have said, "I have a niece who is the right age, let me ask her mum".

Then my mum asked me what I thought, then he was given my number and he called me up. Actually the process started around a year ago, we met for the first time on Easter Sunday last year.

Wow thats cute. I really hope so much I find someone soon. It sucks being single.

roopa, it always happens when you last expect it to. I really thought I would definitely not meet anyone whilst I was doing my PhD. In fact my mum didn't want me to do a PhD because she thought it would affect marriage prospects. Well we were both wrong!

Fair enough.

It's interesting to hear how it's like in other cultures. So you picked the guy out of a catalogue of suggestions? That's more or less what Western people do as well. They know what is available (same league and all that stuff) and then choose. Or they contact a professional dating service and make a selection.

Otto its just a way of meeting new people. Theres nothing wrong with it. Its only wrong when its forced.

I never said there is anything wrong with it. It sounds medieval and it probably results in a high number of unhappy marriages but if people like to do it that way - why not?

No no its not a case of I like you lets get married. Its case of lets get to know each other, date and see if we would be happy together.

There probably are a higher number of unhappy marriages this way, but I think those ones are just not doing it right. i.e. thinking hard enough about whether the person is right for them. But those that do have the freedom to, will choose to get to know each other properly first...and then decide.

Interesting.

My family (on both sides) are from Eastern Europe, so I'm first generation here. I grew up in Manchester, but didn't speak English til I started school - we had our own shops, church, community centres, Saturday school... It's always been strange for me because of this - very strong, 'foreign' values, traditions, culture etc. so not fully English, BUT when over there I was the 'English girl'! Although I still hold onto my beloved traditions etc. (always will), I've seen the pitfalls of not integrating properly too. H is So right - you hang on harder, it's within you - but mixing is good.

I just saw an amazing film tonight. It realtes to what we've been talking about here. Its called 'The namesake'. Look it up and watch it. Esp those who and not native english.

p.s. its really funny too

Roopa, you should read the book if you haven't done so. Jhumpa Lahiri is a fantastic author. I really wanted to see the film last night but my bloke isn't interested. We have totally different tastes when it comes to films so I end up seeing nothing at the cinema.

I went to look on my shelf for the Namesake and it's not there, I think I lent it to someone a while ago and they havent given it back to me

Insomniac, I also didn't speak English until I attended nursery. Feels weird to think that now though as my English is miles better. My younger brother probably spoke a bit because I used to talk to my dad's younger sister (she lived with us until she got married when I was 13) in English.

I think that even though my parents are "old skool" they allow me to pretty much do what I want, I guess its all about the trust, they know I'm not going to do anything stupid. Whereas I've seen girls with much stricter parents going the opposite way. Actually, my dad and my grandad both believe in women having a high level of education (they both wanted me to do the PhD but grandma and mother both wanted me to get married - lol).

H I'll try and find it. I watched this film at the right time, so much stuff has been going on for me lately and this film has made me feel better. By the way when is your wedding?