Hi GM thanks for sharing and Im sorry to hear about this. I have also had problems with my partner's drinking and know how this feels, the waiting fro them to come in, wondering what's happened to them and if they're ok.

My advice to you is to get yourself some counselling. This really helped me to see I was a separate person from him and was empowering. Don't fall into the trap of being the mother or his counsellor. That takes up your whole time.

In terms of my Phd we lived together for the first 5 months (we had lived together previously for 5 years) then I got my own place but we are still together and I stay with him a lot. I did not leave solely because of his relationship with drink - mainly because of space issues - but this was part of it because, as you probably know, drinkers have cyclical patterns and it was that which was getting in the way with my phd work.

In terms of leaving him that is a very personal decision, and I'm not sure how long or serious your relationship is. But I would say that any relationship shift is bound to affect you and thus your phd. I'm not saying stay if it is really bad, you must get out if so and a counsellor would definitely support you with that. All I am saying is to be clear to yourself about your reasons for leaving him. Personally I often put relationship problems first, as much more important and pressing than doing my phd, which distracts me and gives me a seemingly legitimate reason to 'not work' that day. Sometimes they are, of course.

Good luck and look at Mind the charity - I had 'pay what you can' counselling through them which was only £5 a session, your uni might offer free counselling too.