Wow sue, that's brilliant! I hope you're enjoying the beers and are treating yourself to a nice day off! :)

See and here's you saying other day that you'll probably go way past your planned submission - but look what progress you've made in the last few weeks since finishing day job!

I am trying to study today, setting the timer for 40 mins as this is my usual optimal time, going well so far, i've done 3 (didn't get started til after 2). This week has been horrible, since seeing sup have suffered serious insomnia, and feeling really down! feel like i've gone back months and with little hours to get work done i'm never going to get finished - just wanted to burn everything and give up! but trying to be scolding with myself and just keep plugging away!

Aim for today - read the 5 papers i've collected this week, and just write - anything as long as my thoughts are on paper! decided not to worry about structure and style etc but just to get some words down on paper and see how i go from there!
Got 1.5 papers to go and then gonna get into the writing!
Will let you know how i get on!

Away on business this week from wednesday lunchtime, so if i can get some done tonight and either mon or tues evening, then i'll be happy til next weekend I guess! ug this is just so slow going i want to cry! Starting to come to realisation that I ain't getting a summer, will probably not get to enjoy my friends wedding or my booked trip to amsterdam as much as planned at end of summer, and will probably be applying for an extension!

hope everyone else more cheerful than me! right, time to set the egg timer... :-s

Hey AL

Sorry to hear you're feeling down - keep going, you'll make progress, despite your unhelpful supervisor. Sounds like it's hard for you at the moment - it is really difficult working and studying, you have my sympathies. And having to make more sacrifiies is horrible too. But I also won't be submitting in July and will need to push my deadline back, so I'll keep you company.

Well my nite out ended in tears! My partner thought I needed a dose of reality, so started saying how lots of people have really hard jobs, work long hours etc etc, and some have kids and a full-time job as well as studies etc. Which just made me burst into tears in the pub! So I had to explain yes, other people's jobs might be hard, but at least they can talk to people, can relax after dinner, and have a life. He also thought I enjoyed what I was doing!!! Being stuck in this study for 16 hours a day! (ok, I do get meal and exercise breaks, just like a prisoner). I used to, but now I hate doing this and am only keeping going as I've done too much to quit.

So much for my evening of fun. So now here I am, hung-over, wrung-out and a right mess. Back to bed...

Hi Sue,
Oh i'm so sorry, that's horrid! I think sometimes partners feel they need to be cruel to be kind - mine does it quite alot, and however much some of it might be true, I don't think it ever really helps. Did you explain back to him how you feel? I guess the problem is, there's only one way to know how this phd feels and that's to be doing one! My partner is working very hard on a very tough masters, and also works full time, it can be really tough on him too, but he also gets holidays were there are no assignments etc, and that makes it completely different in so many ways.
PhDs really do consume life and soul, creeping into your every thought - mine seems to be haunting me day and night these days (along with my other job). But we'll get there!

Don't let him get you down, explain how you feel and what it's like, it doesn't matter what other people have in their lives, this is yours, and everyone reacts differently to each situation, so you can't ever compare one persons situation to another - that's just life! I hope you feel better soon, just remember the progress you've made this month, watch that candle glowing brighter and brighter and MOST importantly be proud of yourself! I am proud of you, and your partner should be too!

I have decided this week that i actually HATE this thesis, my work is rubbish, my lab work sucks, the writing is awful and I know my sup is going to come back with my intro and tell my the tables and figures I added were a load of bullsh*t! :(
I have managed to do about 6 hours work to do (solid tomato work), but since having tea, and doing washing etc, i've sat back down and really done nothing! i'm shattered.

Have had terrible insomnia this week, getting max 3hours restless sleep each night, but unable to move myself to just get up and do work or something! I think my sup seriously disturbed me, when he said "do you seriously have a degree in microbiology" or whatever, he then while making a dig at my public engagement job decided to culminate the two and say "i hope you're not trying to teach the kids this stuff..."! The worst thing is I got a grant to do a microbiology based thing with some schools, and i'm in the process of coming up with my activities, but since monday when he plunged the knife to my heart, I feel like I can't do that either!

Sorry, this was meant to be AL supporting Sue response, and i've just taken over and moaned!! :$

Back to you...don't let partner get to you, just stay focused and lets remember that it will be over eventually and then we can get the lives back on track! Although you're hating it right now and say you're only finishing it cos you've come so far, I thought you did want to stay in academia if possible, I know jobs in your area are tough to find, but if you keep focused and determined i'm sure you'll find a way!

big hugs AL xx

Hello Sue2604, sorry to hear that your night out had a bit of a sad ending. I love the comparison you make between doing a PhD and being in prison. Of course other people have really demanding jobs and work long hours - but it's nothing like doing a PhD. And unless they've done or are doing a PhD, I don't think they're qualified to comment. Alpacalover has made some really insightful comments. It'll soon be over for you though and you'll be Dr Sue2604.

Thanks AL. Yes, I did explain what I was feeling to him, and he apologised and it turned out all right, sort of. People don't realise the all-consuming nature of a PhD - and yes, might have full-on jobs, but not the same one that goes on for years and years, all day, 24 hours a day...I think I was so upset because of all the emotional baggage too - yeh, I did want to work in academia, but there are no jobs and anyway, I've had enough of it. So, letting that go is also hard, while having to get this thing done, for now what seems no reason...Oh well.

Hey, try and put your sup's comments out of your mind. What an insensitive clod. Am sure you're brilliant in your work and are doing an excellent job teaching the kids. Your sup also sounds like he's got lots of baggage, and investments in you and is not handling your working at all well. Not sleeping wouldn't be helping you either - maybe we should both have some time off, relax a little, and try and get our sleep and emotional lives back in order!!

Oh wait, there's a thesis to write...

Try and exercise, do relaxing things too to try and help you sleep. And carry on despite your sup.

Hugs for us both!

Oh dear, I hope all is well with you and partner, i'm sure he just hates to see you getting worked up and upset, everything will be alright in the end!

It seems like we're in the same boat then as usual, writing up this horrid thing, with no really incentive other than that we've put too much blood, sweat and tears into it to give up now!

Thanks Sue, I will do, i've been rubbish at getting any exercise- which is what always happens to me in winter, but i'm going to try and start getting back to my swimming couple of times a week which always makes me feel better!

right, i've managed to write a pretty rubbish 1400 words tonight, having read 7 papers today. Its a start, and i've got some better ideas of how to put my discussion together now (been working on an introductory section to it). So i'm going to chill out before bed and then try and come home tomorrow to read over what i've written and put some ideas down for the discussion!

Hope you have a good day! Keep smiling and feel the hugs - they've got quite a distance to go but they're UBER hugs, so should be about at your side of the world by now! Enjoy! :p

oooh massive hugs all round here i think! I've been having a pretty crap weekend myself, just feeling so unbelievably lonely, worrying about my writing and jobs etc after, i feel like after 8 years in education im trained for nothing....anywhoo, today is a new day and time to pick ourselves up and brush it all off, we are here to do this!
Sue, pleae don't let your partner get to you, as others have said, unless you're doing a phd it's really difficult to understand how it is. I think I might slap the next person who asks what I'm doing for my 2 months off over the summer....altho your partner would need to be a bit more supportive or I might come round and have a word! :-)
and AL, as I said in your thread your supervisor is a fool. Keep going with your day job, it sounds like you're doing exacctly the kind of job I'd love so I'm very jealous, you cant let ur silly sup bring you down like that. He's just doing it to make you stay in his lab methinks, he needs you more than you need him. best to just have faith in yourself, you've come this far, you can finish it and finish it well.
so big hugs for all of us folks, today is just another day closer to the end!! (up)

HELP !
I usually rejoice whan the postman brings me a nice new book....but Arghhh! It seems that someone has written my thesis!
First instinct was to spiral into panic, so I went and had a cuppa and then some lunch to try and calm down.
But now I feel rather demoralised and will have to almost re-write an entire chapter because they have said what I wanted to say and I don't want to accused of plaigiarism.

ON the good side my thesis is current and relevant.

(up)

But why am I bothering at all is someone else has beaten me to it?

But will a "critical appraisal" of their work be OK or will I just look like a low-level undergrad who is just regurgitating someone elses work!

Advice please if this has happened to you, or something similar!

Miserable Matilda!

:-((down)

Hi Sue,

Firstly congratulations for reaching a huge milestone, secondly sorry to hear about your weekend.

Apologies for sounding like my Mum...but you really sound like you need a rest and a break from PhD. Maybe this week is a chance for you to catch up on sleep and refresh before starting the next thesis task, or addressing sup feedback from your case studies. You are usually very positive and recently you have been quite down about things. Maybe a few days off or a long weekend with your partner could help.

Hope you're feeling better. I know it's easy to say but don't assume that there's no chance you can get the job of your dreams are completely dashed. It may not be waiting for you post phd submission, but somewhere in the future the immense amount of hardwork you are putting in will pay dividends - I'm sure Newton's 4th law of thermodynamics is that hard work reaps rewards! :p

I'm still heading for the end of March, life is all types of crazy and the next few weeks are lining up to be rather wierd...

Positive vibes to everyone

CG x

======= Date Modified 09 Mar 2010 00:41:33 =======
Thanks everyone - you're all so lovely!! You're right CG, I do need a bit of a rest, so am doing little bits this week, but not killing myself with work. Am taking some time out, will catch up with some friends, and generally try and be a normal human again.

PhD stress is odd - I've had stressful jobs in the past, where the adrenaline flows, there are urgent tasks to be done, and managed this fine. But a PhD - I don't even realise I'm strsessed until I start crying in a public place! Definitely a different kind of stress and one which creeps up...

Right, onto something menial - Endnote is looking like a good place to work this week!

Hugs and positive vibes to everyone. CG - look after yourself in these last few weeks of madness.

Its the weekend again and I'm back! :)
Just got back from 3 successful days of outreach at secondary schools with big scary kids! But it was really good and although I haven't done any thesis work, in my day job I have had a very good week and additionally just finished putting together a Solar System (!) resource for primary kids, so i'm giving myself a pat on the back for that!
I'm working a half day tomorrow, but then its thesis Sunday again! My partner also just got his results in for his MSc exam, and got 2 merits (one of them was one mark off a distinction!) so very proud of him and we're off out tonight to see friends, a Battle of the Bands and let our hair down - Hurrah!

But then I must get some thesis work done, so plan for Sunday is to take my ideas from last Sundays work and start pulling together all the ideas for my discussion in Chapter 2. I also have Tuesday am off next week so will be in lab doing some last work, and Thursday off too for a day of writing. And then i'm off ALL next weekend! :) Although in lab on the Sunday to try and get some really nice images of my cancer cells i've been storing forever at a very cold -80degrees! (hope they're not too chilly and annoyed with me for keeping them waiting for so long!) hmmm, i may have gone mad and given my cells a personality :$

Therefore, by end of next weekend I hope to be able to go back and see my sup and give him a redraft of the chapter he so horribly berated last time and hopefully get some improvement!

Thank you all for your support last week, you were all brillliant and I apologise Algaequeen for not finishing with my thread and thanking you for your advice. It was much appreciated from all of you though, and my friends, family and work colleagues have also been really supportive. I've decided that if I go back and see him and he acts the same i'm going to find a way to nicely tell him, I can not deal with him being like this, and if he wants me to get the PhD he's going to have to be more constructive, otherwise I will be going to my monitoring committee and asking them for a second opinion with someone who CAN give me constructive criticism and understand the situation - and SUPERVISE me through it! He won't like that cos then it affects his reputation and his labs already struggling so its the last thing he needs!
I do think I maybe got him on one of his worst days, but its still no excuse for the way he treated me and I will not put up with it! I need to be strong and stand up to him, which is something i've never done before, but i think its time he did or he will continue in this way!

So, that's the plan for this week! Hopefully with afew less hours at work, and a few more hours at my desk, it will be a fruitful week! time to get the timer out and start some tomato counting! :)

I hope you've all had good weeks, thanks for your support, I love you all! (gift) here is a special gift from me to say Thank you! :)

Hey AL

Sounds like a good, positive, productive week! And excellent that you've got some time off coming up. That's also really, really good that you're going to be assertive with your sup if necessary - he needs to understand that making students feel like crap is not the best way of motivating them!! Good for you!!

Have had an OK week. Am writing the discussion chapter, which is both really boring and really hard. Need to get the basic arguments out of the way first before I can be a bit more creative. But it's going ok. Once I've done this, most of the words for the thesis will be there, in some form, and then I'll really start to feel that this thing is coming together.

All the best for the coming week.