Hi all,

arghhh, don't scare me Sue, I know I should really be working every night, or most nights, but I feel I can't work round the clock every single day or i'll burn out and have a nervous breakdown (i'm not the strongest of people!). Therefore, after discussions with sup I was left with two thoughts, I either do evenings/nights during week and then on the weekend probably only manage a day at most cos i'm so worn out mentally, or I don't stress and feel guilty if I don't do things in the week but make sure I get 1.5-2 days full productive work done on the weekend. I feel you can only be so productive and my day job is quite mentally demanding, therefore i'm never going to be able to work 7days a week at full pelt and produce good quality work!

I think I just have to take each week as it comes, my job is quite variable, both its content and the hours, so last few weeks i've been working late and therefore was not able to come home and work. However, in the next few weeks I am basically 9-5 and hope to get a few hours done at least 2-3 evenings of the week and 1-2 days at the weekend. I have just booked a week off in April to get some full pelt writing done, and possibly a day or two in the lab tidying things up too!!!

ARGHHH, I just want this over!
Yesterday, I sat down late morning and decided to do a couple of hours, that turned into me working til 7pm!! made dinner and watched movie with partner, but that was it! Therefore I did actually get 2 full days of work done, slow progress but what I did was ok, so maybe I can do it this way and not have to stress too much during week! who knows, i'll get there in the end (hopefully!)
Hope you've all had good days, AL

:p

Sorry AL, didn't mean to add to your stress. Yes, you need to make sure you have some sort of work/life balance (hah!), and only do what you can manage. I know how a job can take it out of you. And then studying always takes so much longer than we plan for.

Not to worry, we'll all get there. It takes as long as it takes. We're doing our best, and can't do more than that. Enough cliches from me, nice things me mum would've said. ;-)

Hi Sue, no worries, I need to keep the fire under my a** burning strong so the odd fright is good!! :p
Yep, we'll just do the best we can, and get there as fast as possible! I wish I could wave a magic wand and have it done for me!
Sometimes, I wish my mum was still around to tell me nice things, and comfort and support me! unfortunately, she changed somewhat a few years ago, now lives hundreds of miles away and the last thing she said about my phd was "you'll probably give it up anyway!" (sorry, you guys don't need to know all that!) but sometimes I wonder if i'm only doing all this to prove the woman wrong!! what an influence our mothers can have on us! she haunts my dreams and my days sometimes, and I miss my old mum, what i'd give to hear and feel the comfort she used to deliver me 10 years ago!

ah well, enough of upsetting myself, i'm going to go and make a cup of tea and start my pancake day celebrations early, then try and do an hours work and chill before bed! hmmm, pancakes and nutella...yum yum! ;-)

hmmm, apologies all for my random outburst of personal information! I guess just the mention of the word mum set me off today, and having a place where I can anonymously talk is good as i don't often divulge information about my mother to anyone but those close to me.
i'm sure you all feel the same sometimes, but when PhD stress starts getting to me, other things in my life upset me more and get me more worked up or depressed (depending on what they are). There always seems to be a direct correlation between me being anxious about the thesis, and random thoughts about my mum.

Anyway, not worth worrying about, she's gone and that's that!
Really not getting much work done tonight, just staring at the discussion, and unsuccessfully searching for relevant papers online! (is there a known effective way of going about the discussion?)

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Hey Al, not to worry about your divulgences about your mum. Stress gets to us. Me, I've been a right cow to my poor partner lately, not bitchy, just not engaged. Must try and cope a bit better. Btw, I don't have a mum either, and think about mine too...

Jojo started a thread on the discussion chapter a while ago - maybe you should post to that?

Hi Bilbo - good points. I used to work with someone who used to say; "What? So what? Now what?" which I think is a pretty good framework.

Thanks Bilbo, problem is I don't know what i've found! Think maybe I need to step back from it and have a more objective look. Sue - I know the feeling, i've been rubbish with mine too, again not bitchy or anything (or at least no more than usual :$), just not very "present", or passionate, or anything really! I guess if we can get through this we can get through anything, that's what keeps me going anyway, and he's still bringing me cups of tea, so that's a good sign! :)

Thanks Sue, I might look it out! If you're anything like me then I find "mum's" in other places! as in, mothering figures who look after me, care about me and have a mothering nature! I had two of them at my old labs and they kept me going on a daily basis!

AL x

Ok, so last night I managed to do a bit of reading and write a couple hundred words. Tonight I have written about 600! :) done some interesting reading, sorted out some papers and have a pile of 6 papers in varying key discussion areas to read over (starting point!).

back is killing me and i'm off to find some tablets, and a cuddly partner and duvet! Keep waking up at 4am so fingers crossed get a better nights sleep tonight!
Hope you've all had successful days, :-)

Alpaca that's awesome progress! Go and enjoy your well-earned duvet time :-)

Thanks Teek! I did, I slept right through too :)
Just at day job, having lunch and going to have a read over my work from last night. Totally worn out today though, think i may have this evening off as a treat, and then back to it on thursday!

Hope you're making good progress, word counts can be quite depressing eh! just remember a night of note taking is just as important and its quality not quantity! :)

Keep smiling - and eat some pancakes, it's Ash wednesday (are we still allowed?)

Hey AL, glad to hear your work is going well - well done on making progress!! That's fantastic!!!

I've had the worst day today - spent most of the day in bed, crying. Have submitted a job application for a job I don't want, but will probably need, which will mean that I'll probably end up having to work through the last months of my thesis, which will be delayed if I get this job. :-(

I don't want to go back to the world of 'real' work, am worried that this will take me even further away from getting an academic job (not that there's any around in my field anyway), and frankly, the thought of this thesis dragging on even longer, while I juggle it and a paid job depresses the hell out of me.

I can just see my dreams of an academic job getting further and further away....am almost sorry I ever started this in the first place, but have done too much now to stop. I suppose I should be glad I can get a decent job at all, but I'm not...

Oh Sue, I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling like that :-( It's a special kind of depressing when job applications feel like giving in.
But honestly, keep your eye on the prize. If you have to take another job then just see it as a temporary post to finance your road to academia, keep your contacts warm (naf term but you get my drift) in research and make sure people know you're available should anything come up. I take it this job has a firm start date and you couldn't delay it until the thesis is done?

Hi Teek

I haven't gotten the job yet, but I know they wouldn't wait until I'm done. It's also the employer who said a PhD "shouldn't hurt my chances" in the selection process, even tho my PhD is directly related to their work. At the moment I'm really tempted to do a job that is so unrelated to my thesis that it drives me to find a job in academia, rather than a halfway decent job in my area, that is related to it, but where they don't value my knowledge, wouldn't let me publish and I could too easily sink in to the quagmire of settling for second best. If that makes sense. Gosh I drive myself crazy with this...

Am going to have an early nite, start fresh tomorrow, get back into the thesis and not think about this stuff. Thanks for your support.

Hi Sue, it does sound like a difficult situation you are in at the moment (especially those "PhD shouldn't hurt" comments are immensly infuriating, it is -arghh!).. and I might not really appreciate your situation, but from the way you describe your job options, maybe it is helpful to see things with a longer view. What I mean is that, yes, in an ideal world you start off with a good, suitable, exciting job straight after the PhD, and there is an argument to wait for that job to come along (or to make happen it via a fellowship or so, if that is possible), BUT if this situation does not materialise, maybe accepting a job less ideal is okay- for the short term (not longer than 2 years I'd say). If you can get this job where you have relevant knowledge, but maybe you wont be fully appreciated, "just" take it as a stepping stone and dont get too hung up about the fact that there are some tossers you have to work with. Then, once you have the job, you can start thinking longer term and work towards getting the job you really want. I dont know whether that makes sense to you/is applicable to your situation/career choice, but I know for myself, that I will take up a job for a year or so, which is in a field that is not close to my heart and which I dont want to work in longer term, but it is a pragmatic decision, and once the thesis is submitted (and stress levels lowered hopefully!), I will start working on making my longer term plan work, and end up in an area that really enthuses me..
Anyway, all I hope is that things work out for you.. PhD and job-wise..
(sprout)