'Seriously guys, believe it or not. This thread is being really helpful because I think you've helped me diagnose a personality disorder I was not aware of'.

Good grief.
So we've gone from a guy potentially wanting to get a girl to cheat on her partner, to deciding he has a mental illness.
My god, I've just posted a thread asking about my choice of examiners for my viva...hope I don't end up diagnosed with something nasty!!!!

It's good to see that the many hours of thought that fellow posters hvae put into helping the original poster have been completely ignored in favour of a pointless and somewhat creepy pursuit of a woman who doesn't welcome his attention.

exactly what I thought, Sylvester. Some people are just too lazy to read the entire thread before posting inappropriate superficial comments.

Exactly, that is what I was thinking. sylvester sweetheart!

I'm with sixkitten....creepy!
If you're so into the Christian principles, why would you consider stealing a girl from a man who's loved her for three years, while she's far from him in a new country no less!?
Go prey on a single victim

Your secular/worldly rationale will never stop amazing me. I did not convert because I want to steal her--a very creepy and un-Christian idea--, but rather because I want to understand the faith that fuels such commitment as the one she shows to her suitor. Admittedly, also because chances are higher of finding a righteous lady among Christians.

I have read this whole thread for the first time today. It's a lot to take in!! I found it strange, bizarre and funny but now I also actually kind of sympathise- it takes a lot of guts to open up like that to complete strangers.

Jradetsky, have you ever thought of taking a year out from uni and travel the world or something and actually live life for a while? I'm not being funny, I kind of see where you are coming from. Being Indian, arranged marriage etc is nothing new to me- and I've always wanted to be with a certain person (he must be successful, very academic like me, must be a doctor, have status, and so on) so I can relate to your views on what your future wife should be. But I held those views at a time when I was obsessed with studying, when I could not see beyond academia.

But when you step back and look at it all you begin to put things into perspective. Chasing 'ideals' gets you nowhere, perfection can never be achieved. This Oxbridge girl is causing you alot of heartache because you only surround yourself with theories, books, uni etc. Maybe if you go outside the 'academic world' and meet all sorts of different people (not necessarily academic) and experiences then you will not think about this girl as much. And who knows, if you lower your expectations a little bit and relax you may find your ideal partner- who's not part of the Oxbridge set.

Whatever you decide, I think you should definitely speak to someone in person about your feelings and stuff. I hope my comments did not offend you- if they did, sorry. Good luck with everything.

It's good advice Angie and this is what we've told him over and over. The problem is, he doesn't listen (as his recent postings demonstrate).

..and that (or rather this) is my last post on this thread. I'm losing the will to live.

Thanx for your comments angie81. No offence at all. I certainly agree that chasing ideals gets you nowhere and that perfection can never be achieved. I just acknowledged that as I was reading the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible and reflecting about my PhD, that girl, and life in general. I think I'll take a year off after the PhD. I've already started talking to Christian friends about all of this and they've been great.

now, now sylvester et al, i've been away for a bit but i dont think jradetzky was implying he was converting to christianity purely to pusrue that girl. I think he has taken a very academic approach to trying to solve his problems (it may not be how some of us would approach things, but hey whatever works). I also think that what we have been saying has not been ignored but none of us are experts or know the whole story so dont get in a huff if your advice hasn't been taken. Getting back to the academic approach - perhaps this conversion will help jradetzky one way or another; he will either find someone who meets his high standards or he will dosciver that even in the most likely of places the person he is looking for doesn't exist (or is somewhere else). I have planty of femail friends who are using a similar approach to try and find 'the one', i'm not saying it will work but thats for them to discover.
No harm, no foul!!!

Good luck jradetzky, i like a pro-active approach to problems, i think time out is a wonderful idea. I hope that through your conversion, you find someone who can help and counsel you (they're not specialists tho - i do not think praying will sove all yours or anyones problems) and i hope you find someone special in the long run.

Eagles do not flock. You find them one at a time. They flight higher than all other birds. Chicken flock and get caught in the slaughter. Very often, chickens are eaten by eagles. The conditioned response to being different is that it’s wrong. If it’s so wrong to be different, then why do we all have different faces? Different bodies? Why don’t we all have one uniform way of looking and living? That would be our death. Life is diversity. No two things are the same. No two paths cover the same ground. No two people can express the same uniqueness. God made Chihuahuas and He made Saint Bernards. If either loves you, it will look different. If either bites you, it will feel different. We must each learn to become comfortable in our uniqueness-what that looks like, what that feels like, and what we know as a result of it. “The value in the valley” Iyanla Vanzant.

UPDATE UPDATE
I'm devastated. I've just found out that the girl has been with a new boyfriend --not from the US-- for over one year now. What happened to all what she told me about commitment and stuff? What about the previous boyfriend who was working hard and saving for the house back in the US? Now I can say that she came to Oxford looking for a new bf and I just happened to cross her path. Was I wrong to reveal my feelings back then? What a load of rubbish.