Lara, I think you've managed to get so stressed about this you're reading more negativity into things than is helpful for you. For example, that email from your supervisor you quote on page two - he's not saying that you *can't* write your thesis or that you're not capable of defending in your viva. He's saying that he's not prepared to endorse your ambition until you've shown him a plan. It does sound as though things have been difficult in the past when dealing with him, but please don't give yourself extra stress by interpreting things as being more critical than they acrually are. I reckon the best way to get him on side is probably to keep as cool a head as poss when dealing with him.

yah i think you're right.

i think i'm probably losing it abit. i isolated myself away from my friends and family. and havent taken a break, so i might be overly sensitive.

i guess i just focused on this part of his email and didnt see anything else

"It's a lot of work for ***** and I to organise examiners and then commit to the endless hours going through your thesis.

"We are certainly not prepared to take this any further, in particular by contacting our peers to ask them to take on the task of examining you, until we are satisfied that once the process has started, you will complete it".

i guess i felt that i was a burden on them, and that they didnt want to spend countless hours helping me with my thesis and dont want to arrange examiners.

i am really emotional and super sensitive these days. and just focused on one part of the email. and then just saw red. and lost it. i'm much calmer now.

lara, i think you might be taking the email too personally. your sup is saying that he won't go to a whole load of effort (by organising examiners, reading thesis bits etc) without feeling relatively secure that this will all be worth it (= finished phd degree) in the end. that is only fair. you wouldn't want to go to a whole load of effort for someone else without being sure that it's worth it either.

i think this is your chance to make a realistic battle plan of your thesis write-up until september, discussing it with him and to show him that you are a sensible person who is willing to do what it takes to get her degree in time by setting deadlines with him (and not only yourself) and sending your stuff in on time. suggesting regular meetings will also show him that you are willing to dedicate everything you've got to meeting your deadline in september.

i'm on the same time-schedule as you and i've started meeting up with my examiners, discussing literature and topics with them and meeting at regular intervals to discuss my progress. a very satisfying feeling, even if it was scary contacting them in the beginning (having not seen them for over 2 years...). i'm a much worse procrastinator than you are and yet i can still see myself finishing my degree in september, even if i have a nervous breakdown afterwards

you gotta be positive, not discuss the past (my philosophy examiner doesn't even know why i went missing the past 2 years, that's none of their business), but plan the future with your sup!!!

thanks swantje, you're right.

wait, you're allowed to know who you're examiners are ? and can meet up with them before the viva? i thought you werent allowed to be in contact with examiners until the viva day.

different exam, different system! i'm finishing my MA in germany.

Thanks everyone for your help and advice yesterday.

The welfare advisor phoned me this morning, and has arranged me to meet both the university counseller and advisor this week.

And my graduate tutor at qmul, has also emailed me, asking if I was okay.

so it's nice to have that support. So now I don't feel so stressed, about the examination forms, and what my supervisor said, and whether he will arrange examiners or not, because it doesn't matter, one way or the other, it will get sorted out, and I can now just focus on my writing and my thesis.

good luck with your MA swantje

thanks, good luck to you too lara! i got a conditional offer from UCL today and now i'm worried i won't make the necessary grades...*sigh*

Lara - well done I'm really pleased you're getting things sorted!
Swantje - UCL is a great place; good luck!

pamplemousse, thanks

that was a really good idea to seek counselling. and thanks to Bilbobagins for finding the link

i'm glad. I just finished writing up details of all the years of my phd, in preparation for my couselling session and the welfare advisor meeting. it's actually weird to see it all on paper. usually i just see it as a blur.

today i feel so tired, all day, felt very tired. my body actually aches. i think for the past few weeks i was on an adrenalin rush, and yesterday just had a breakdown. now my body is just "tired". like a deflated balloon.

but psychologically and emotionally, i feel fine. my best friend called me and suggested i take minutes at the meeting with my supervisor, and that before the meeting starts, to tell them "i will be taking minutes of the meeting"

that way they are less likely to get personal and aggressive with me.

that way i can keep a record of what he says and what we agree upon. and that way i wont get emotional, but feel that i am being professional, almost like detached. that has really made me feel better, because i was feeling very scared and anxious meeting my supervisor. i still do feel that way, but feel that can do something constructive if he begins to berate me.

i havent done anywork on my thesis though. i will start fresh tommorow, and do that phd mind map.

I think it's always helpful to take minutes anyway. If not for any reason other than my memory is like a sieve!
I file emails/other correspondence too, more so I have things to hand then any other reason. If the emails are still upsetting you it might be worth printing out the latest, putting them in a folder and writing in very BIG WRITING email/correspondence folder. Pull it out with your other stuff when you have your meeting (you don't even need to draw attention to it). You might be surprised by how people (in general) start to be a bit more cautious once they realise what they've written is in print.

As far as i'm concerned email is the worst of both worlds. It's sufficiently informal for people to think they can get away with what you might say in person. But it appears like a letter does, tho' without the benefits of handwriting and phone calls, in which you can read intonation much better. The number of times I've tried to work out exactly what my sup intends by what he's written in an email!