I think unless family members have been through the PhD process, it's very hard to appreciate how time consuming / life consuming it is, after all 'It's just another degree, isn't it?'

I found my family were supportive, and I found my friends were as well.. however *most* of my support came from my partner who had finished his PhD 2 years earlier and a friend who turned into my 2nd Supervisor and had finished his PhD 7 years ago.

Thing is, it's *your* PhD, YOURS! and therefore you need to remind yourself why you are doing it, suck it up and get on with it... I don't mean that in an offensive way as if it wasn't for the support I got, I don't know if I would have finished it... but keep your main reasons in sight... take regular breaks and even if your family / friends don't want to know about your PhD.. talk to them about other stuff instead - anything to keep yourself sane.

I just wanted to say, this forum is such a comfort. We may not have people around who are sympathetic, but we've got each other to rant to! Thanks for all the support--diamond.

I get fed up with people's attitude to my PhD as though I were just doing a little needlepoint now and then to keep me busy. I have 3 days childcare and 2 days I am home with my daughter. Today I met up with some other mums, some working part-time some not. The one who is part-time said soemthing about how tough it must be for me to be at home ALL THE TIME looking after my daughter. Er, NO, I am not a full-time mum - I replied that I actually work 3 days a week (and a lot more...). And she was kind of vague - oh yes - your 'studies'. Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I struggle to fit the hours somehow into my week and people talk as though I am just swannng around talking the odd class here and there I GET SO MAD!!!!!

I think that some people trivialize the PhD process out of jealousy--so maybe the remarks you are getting are from people who secretly wish they had the ability ( not just intellectual, but personal motivation and courage) to balance a marriage, a child and a PhD ( not too mention the Evil Fuzzy!) and are jealous in fact that you can do what they only dream of doing. I think that the world is full of people who do not take that actual step of following a dream, and when they encounter someone who is doing it, with all its ups and downs, its disturbing to the small but perhaps confining corners of their world.

But on the bright side, you have people to talk to!
This seems like it should not be taken for granted during the PhD process.

Hey Smilodon--it sounds like you're dealing with jealous people here, definitely. I've experienced similar things. I had a friend who kept asking inane questions like 'So, when are you going to get a real job?' and 'How long is 'this course' you're doing? A year?' I was thinking yesterday that there is no possible way to convey the intensity and rigour of the PhD to people who haven't done one. They will simply never understand, even if you go through the intricacies with them. My mom doesn't have a clue either, bless her. She keeps asking me 'So, what do you plan to do with this?' I love it, one minute she's telling me to not worry about the future and focus on the present, the next she's weighing down on me asking questions about my long term direction!

Here's what grinds my gears! All of these non-PhD folk understand the commitment required to getting a high school education and Degrees and will tell you how difficult that was for them!

What changes in their mind when its a PhD - 2 steps up from a degree?

When I told my best friend I was going to do a PhD and that I would eventually be a doctor, she remarked that she thought I was doing maths! She did not have any idea that there were two types of doctor, that I wasn't going to be a GP and that doing a PhD is not the same as doing an undergrad degree. My parents understood a bit more, but are now accepting of my decision after lots of explaining. I am lucky in that my partner is studying to become an architect and understands fully what a PhD entails.

I find most people outside of academia do not fully understand the process of doing a PhD. I do not tell people that I am a student- I tell them that I am simply a statistician, and then explain I am studying.

When I punted my job and said I was moving to another country in order to finish my PhD, people had varying reactions. People close to me knew it was important to me and were supportive, because of its importance to me, even if they did not fully understand it. Other people didn't really understand...that annoying thing of trivializing the work and stress of a PhD. It reminds me of an old saying, which I am not going to get exactly right, something along the lines of, for those who understand, no explanation is necessary, for those who do not understand, no explanation will ever suffice.

I changed it to saying I was doing my Doctorat - people seem to understand the outcome a bit better for that - a lot of people do't know PhD means your title changes to Dr

But then (if you are a scientific doctor anyway) you get into the argument of who's the real doctors? Doctor = teacher in Latin, etc etc

The US has no equivalent really to a PhD in law. There are SJD degrees, but they are only offered in a few universities and are highly restrictive to get into. The law degree route is via a professional doctorate and then an LL.M. ( masters in law) if you want some kind of speciality, but most of the offerings in the US are business focused. So I get the double whammy of not only explaining why I am doing a PhD, but trying to explain how the British system of legal degrees is nothing like the US system! The US approach to law is very much black letter law, and reading boring case law decisions--little focus on theory, etc. So the entire notion of a PhD in law is very alien to the way people in the US even think of learning law. In my case, I tell them that it sort of looks like sociology or political science...generally this is enough information to make people flee.

xeno, my mom asks me the same thing! She asked me yesterday, in fact, and I replied: 'There's no guarantee that I will even get the PhD, so I'm trying to focus on just doing that at the moment'. You can imagine the shock this evoked. She assumed that once you started your PhD, you were definitely going to get it. We all know how difficult post PhD life is, so even if you have 'plans' about what you'd like to do, there is no guarantee that you will. I've tried to explain to her how the PhD is one of the most life-altering pursuits a person can undertake, but she still thinks it's only 'another degree'. I've just resigned myself to letting any comments go right over my head!

I agree with you sjo4, there is something that happens once you reach postgraduate level (I found this as soon as I started my masters) where people just don't understand anymore. I have come to the conclusion that like Olivia said, they must be jealous - from what I can see in my situation, all those who make remarks about me STILL being a student blah blah are those stuck in some monotonous job wishing they could do something else. Not saying a PhD is a walk in the park by any means, but I think it shows you have the motivation to get out there and do something challenging and different (well, on good days!! ;)) They also seem to have the impression that because I'm a student I don't have a job, and I do, but all they see is another bloody student = doesn't work, lays in bed all day, pointless degree... ach!
However!!! There is great support available here and it's just so comforting to know I am not alone! Thanks for your replies everyone

I think its funny what mum's come out with. I'm in my third year, have about 9 months to go. My mum has constantly asked since I started:

"Is all your work done yet?"

I don't think my mum even knows what I'm doing my PhD in - she didn't know what my undergrad degree was in until after my 3rd year exams! Then she had to write it down incase she forgot and anyone asked!!