To put it simply if I forgot my family and everybody else, quiting this would break my heart.

I have already invested so much of myself in this PhD, but I'm just not sure if I really am capable of completing or if pursuing this further would see me ending up in a mental hospital. I also know that while it's good to be persistant, it's important to know when to cut your losses and walk away.

Olivia and everyone else, thanks heaps for your advice, it really helps.

Hi Lost in Oz,
I really sympathise with you. I am in my second year now but my first year was hell. I was upset all the time, lost weight and felt like a nervous wreck most of the time. But I got married after six months into my phd and to be honest that changed my whole outlook. I realised that although my phd was important, my husband was more important and I would rather have my mental health as well. I had a severe eating disorder during my ug days and the most important thing was staying well. I could not go through that again.
It put things into perspective and I take a bit of a step back now. I do still get stressed but nearly as much. If I start getting in a state a take a break for a couple of hours or the rest of the day and have a fresh perspective the next day.
It works for me and I enjoy my work much more now tahn I ever did.
Perhaps make sure you see your friends or family often and have other things to do when you get upset

I meant not nearly as much
excuse my typos as well!!

I'm hesitant to post on this thread as my experience was so close to yours but I'm not sure if that's helpful or not. I dropped out of a PhD - but now I'm doing another one. I hope that makes it 'OK' to post here - I'm also on excellent term with my ex-boyfriends

There are 2 parts here - your own personal experience and feelings and the pressure from your family. My parents were not keen for me to do the PhD but they did not believe in dropping out of things. When I left (and I really had to) they were completely unsupportive and I didn't go home for a year. I felt they relaly kicked me when I was down. I mention this because it is a sad fact that families are not always suportive when you most need them and you might just have to brace yourself for that.

I really thoroughly recommend that you get some counselling. This can probably be done through your University - through their welfare or health people. You need some proper face to face time with someone to go through all the issues here. You sound as though you are in a downward spiral of anxiety and depression.

It's not at all clear to me whether you really should leave or not. It may be that you just need time out - maybe a whole term - just to regroup and take stock of the situation.

When I left the first time, the sense of failure and 'what now?' was totally overwhelming. I would never have believed I might want to try again one day. But for me, looking back, that PhD at that time was a complete mistake. I would tend to suggest: counselling (really essential I think), time out, give yourself permission to leave, don't expect any support from your family (and hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised...) - and at some point - a chat with your supervisor.

It's not at all clear to me whether you really should leave or not.

That's a million dollar question. Although if I leave I'm not sure that I would ever be able to go back to any PhD... BTW I'm in my mid-20's if anyone is wondering. Seeing a counseler might be a good idea as I'm already burdening everyone around me with my PhD issues. I really can't talk about any other topics and I can tell people are sick of it.

I don't know about you - but for me, my 20s were just all round difficult and unsettled. I think what many of us are trying to say is that if it so happens that it really is best if you leave your PhD - don't flagellate yourself over it. Put it behind you, learn from it and move on. There are many, many professions out there - many ways to pursue your interests (my new interests require, ironically, that I do a PhD).

I wish you the best in your decision, but what ever it is, take the time to make the right one for YOU. If you do decide to not pursue a PhD at this time, it does not mean NEVER doing one. RJB is a great example of how sometimes you improve things if you decide to have the courage to say a certain situation/timing is not right. You MAY in fact open up the door for better things.

I was miserable in my first year out of law school, practicing in a small firm. I was fortunate to have a job at all, given the very depressed and crowded job market at the time. But feeling grateful for the job did not erase the utter misery. So--after thinking it over and consulting with family and friends--but owning MY choice---I quit.

I moved in temporarily with my parents and took a job as a waitress at a local restaurant, just to have a source of SOME income. That, oddly, opened up all sorts of doors for me! The owner of the restuarant was best mates with a lawyer in town who ran a not for profit helping people in need sort of agency, and got me an interview--I got a job, and that set me on the career path I have been on, in a very specialised field of law that I enjoyed ( most of the time). So--being a waitress opened that door for me. Having the guts to quit a miserable situation and eat my pride and be a waitress turns out to have been the right move, and one that created a grand opportunity for me--that MIGHT NOT have been there had I not been a waitress for a few weeks.

Was it mad to quit a job in that market and become a waitress? Yes and no. Ultimately, it was not. That is not to say every move will yield a benefit, but on the other hand, it might.

You don't know--and you cannot put a price on health and happiness. It was the memory of that waitress job experience that gave me the courage to leave my work and come to the UK to finish my PhD.

That is a very long-winded way of saying that no decision is forever foreclosing something. It FEELS that way in your mid-twenties but a few decades on, you will learn ( by hard and good experiences) it is not so.

Best of luck no matter which decision you take--there are no wrong decisions--just choices.

like Olivia says. there is no reason why you cant do a PhD in the future. its not the end of the world if you leave know. it is easier said than done. but you need to make the decision that is best for you. not for your parents or anyone else.

i think you should know in your heart whether this feels right or not. almost everyboby i know doing a PhD, has periods of self doubt, depression, but its a little bit different if you are always feeling down and depressed. consider if you really want to feel like this for another few years.

i think the best thing to do is take an extended break from your PhD. a few months off, maybe even a year. if still feel the same way then maybe you should consider leaving, if not maybe you should continue

kind of like smilodon. the profession i am getting myself into is is almost certainly going to require a PhD. i know i wont have any problem getting a studentship, its just a case of getting the right project, good supervisor and satisfying myself that I have the motivation/apptitude to complete one.

It sounds to me though everything is just too much. you need to stand back and give yourself a bit of a break. Can you give yourself a break? I suppose that depends a bit on your subject, so that may not be an option. however whatever you do must be your decision and although others can give advice, in the end it is yours alone. I decided to quit a course once, and family persuaded me to stay on a bit longer, and I did and it was rubbish i should have taken my own advice. I left after two years and the course was for three(but on the other hand if I had left after year 1 then my life would have been so different, and I kinda like the way most of it has worked out but on the other hand it might have been good anyway.

My point is you never know what will happen, but you must look right into your heart and decide if you really want to go or if you are really crying out for someone to understand what you are going through. On this forum I guess we probably know a bit of it, especially those who are nearer the end - lucky things- which is probably one of the best aspects and they can help, even if it only to act as a sounding board for your thoughts,but so can your uni if they have good welfare services, so can your fellow students, if they are nice, and if not I bet there are some nice ones around - do you have a phone in helpline as at my uni? You could try something like the samaritans if you have some thing similar (I'm assuming here that you are not in the UK).