Career in counselling? Hmm, whilst that is probably something I would find quite fulfilling it would mean further study, argghhh!! I'm getting my first PhD student soon though so I guess my one-on-one PhD counselling service will start then (although I do hope my student isn't going to be feeling full of angst all the time or I won't be doing a very good job as a supervisor, lol!).

I did find though, Goods, that there was a point near to my submission deadline where (even though I knew I there was no way I was going to give up) I thought 'is this REALLY worth it?'. I was at a real low point. I couldn't have worked any harder (in truth, I was likely overworking and was a bit burnt out) and yet I still felt like my work was inadequate. From that point on though, the only way was up. Once I'd accepted that I could only do my best, I relaxed a bit and things got better (more productive).

I do not think you are having a nervous breakdown! Don't try and beat yourself up over the way you are dealing with the stress of writing up. My supervisor says its one of the most traumatic times shes been through and nothing could compare to how bad she was feeling. BUT it will pass - i have had fits of tears, tantrums and panic attacks. Do what you can do and don't get angry at yourself - as you are your own best resource. You will get there.

Hi Goods, you are getting some really good advise from everyone and while I can't really comment on Phd as I've not started mine yet, I was wondering if you had tried meditating? I find putting a problem on the 'backburner' ie, know it is in the back of your mind but don't dwell on it, then spending 10-20 minutes quietly breathing and allowing thoughts to come and go. It will calm your nerves and you will find that the problem that was on the backburner has either found a solution or does not seem so bad. All the very best, FFxx

Thank you all so much for your advice - it has made me feel better.

Ann - You are going to make a fab supervisor, and I really think there should be an additional page on this site dedicated to 'Advice by Ann'.

I just emailed my supervisor (again) and told him (again) about how I'm feeling at the moment. My supervisor is very good, and I know he will reply with a very sensible/understanding response.

Filmfundi - I do try meditating, but as soon as I look at my work I get into a state again. I think I maybe need to make more a concerted effort to stop, breathe, and tell myself I can get through this.

My problem is, as soon as I start a chapter I want it all to be over and done with straight away. I forget that it takes 'small steps', and that the 'small steps' will result in a 'huge leap'.

I know that I'm my own worse enemy, but (as some out there might understand) at times, it's just - well - hard.

hey goods hope you are feeling better.

First things first, see your GP. Have heard that Betablockers are excellent medication in calming nerves (my supervisor told me so himself in the past)

Second, don't even think about giving up- i would understand if, like me, you had done absolutely nothing. But you are at the writing up stage with your research and findings in front of you. All that needs to be done is for it to be put into words. Ofcourse, this is no task and is like being in hell i imagine- but theoretically you have done the work (and more!) and all that needs to be done is the write up- you are nearly there so any thoughts of quitting are absurd.

You are understanbly exhausted and tired and you are not the only one-but think how good you will feel once it's over and done with. And it will be done because even if you are not convinced your supervisor says you are doing fine-surely that is a sign that all will end well?

I hope i don't sound too unsympathetic- i do understand cos i'm one of those depressed perfectionists. What you are experiencing now (panic attacks, stress etc) I was going through the past 2 years DURING the research stage.

I quit. There is absolutely no need for you to do the same. Hats off to you, and all you others, who have had the courage to come this far (to the actual writing up stage) and are now close to their goal.

Don't give up.

Goods, I am so sorry things have got on top of you like this and can COMPLETELY empathise.I was exactly the same, failing to believe that my work was good enought right until the end.

The last stages of writing ARE the hardest and you have my heartfelt sympathy. BUT DON'T QUIT - you are so close and I think your work MUST be good as you yourself are so highly critical of it. It took me a long time to realise that but when I eventually did it was a real enlightenment and I wish the same for you.

With regard to GPs and anxiety management, I can confirm that betablockers can help. I was prescibed one called Propranolol by my GP and took it on instances when I felt particularly panicked. I didn't need to take it regularly (IE every day) but you can do this if you feel it woudl be beneficial.

Really hope you're OK, keep us updated

Hi Everyone,

Thank you sooo much for your advice (I am taking note of everything that has been said/advised). Reading your messages really does make me feel much better about myself/everything, and it's always good to hear about other peoples experience (those who are going through and have been through it).

Update - I have decided not to quit and to try and keep going with this thing (partly because my lottery numbers didn't come up tonight - ha ha), and I received a *very* supportive email from my supervisor today which was reassuring to read.

GOODS CONTINUED ...

My very young nephew (barely in his teens) also pointed out to me that I (should) have less time go on the PhD than time I've already completed to date, and told me not to focus on negative outcomes but to be positive (he's so sweet, he asked me to simply describe my research, and said, "there you go, you do know what you are doing" ... my heart melts).

So ... I managed to put pen to paper today and, although I didn't produce much ... it is a start I suppose ('small steps, small steps' she chants).

THANK YOU EVERYONE