Shut up yourself.

If someone talks about suicide, then the help of this forum is simply not helpful enough and professional help required. Think about it.

Many of us have said that we hope the poster is getting professional help. I don't think deleting or ignoring the post is helpful - I think that would be very distressing in fact. It can be helpful to know that others have been in a similar situation and have come through it. Personally, I think it's very important to know that, and to know that many of us are thinking of the poster and wighing them well.

Hi everyone, thanks for your very helpful replies. As I wrote above, I am getting professional help, so it is not medical advice that I am after here, but rather to hear from other PhD students with similar experiences. Jouri – I do appreciate your concern for my well-being, but I can't help feeling that if I was suicidal at this moment (which I am not), it might be more helpful to, in a friendly tone, suggest that I go see a doctor, rather than declaring that the thread should be closed.

Those of you who did go back to your PhD, did you make any major changes in your planning or project? I am doing a lot of work on what has triggered my anxiety/depression together with my psychologist. If I decide to continue with the PhD I know of a few major changes I will need to do, such as decreasing the amount of benchwork. I haven't discussed this with my supervisor yet, and I probably won't until I feel more ready to get back, but it makes me a bit more relaxed to have decided this for myself (and if my supervisor thinks it's unrealistic, I guess I'll just have to quit).

hi Zingo, I am recovering from an episode of major depression (had chronic depression since was 19). The episode started in my second year, I didn't interrupt the PhD, mostly because that would have required some energy and initiative on my part which I didn't have;), plus at the worst time I was abroad doing fieldwork. After I came back, I put together a recovery startegy - which meant reducing my workload (treating the PhD like a 9-5 job, and no more 60-70 hour weeks), I took up yoga and swimming, had counseling and am still on medication, I also started eating healthily. So I think reducing benchwork sounds like the way to go, and now I am confident that I will manage the writing-up phase, with the help from counseling service and GP, enough rest and a regular exercise programme. Good luck with your PhD and all the best!

Jouri I can understand your concern, but I think ignoring someone and shutting their thread down would be more damaging than any of the responses we've given. It really does help to know other people are going through these things, and sufficient mental health is a relevant factor to consider when beginning a PhD, plenty of people have had suicidal thoughts and don't think discussion of that sad fact should be banned. None of us are pretending to be professonals.

Hey Zingo - good to hear you are taking control and making positive steps.

jouri the OP actually said they've been getting professional help for some time already, but I know from experience this isn't always enough. Depression can be like a way of life and may be very difficult to get rid of. Which is why I say to the OP not to quit your PhD. You don't know how you'll feel in Jan, as it is some time away. OP I think you need to decide what's more important? Suicide or your PhD? If you got your PhD would you be happier? Do you really want to kill yourself using chemicals instead of completing your PhD? Getting rid of the thoughts may be hard but at least try to learn to live with them.

Zingo. I do hope you get better soon. I think im well placed to give advice on this. I dropped out after my first year. The pressure really started to get to me in the last few months. I was on an extremely demanding project with a very unsupportive supervisor and so I took my leave not long after my first year review.

My advice is: Your health is a lot more important than having a few more letters your name. There is no great shame in dropping out. Very few people ever consider doing a PhD in the first place so not many people are in a position to judge.

If you dont mind me asking? Is your depression related to your studies. ? Maybe you are expecting too much of your self. If your depression is primarliy work related, im sure with appropriate support you can learn to manage your stress?

rjb203 a PhD is a lot more than a few letters after your name. It'll be such an achievement for the OP to complete it, especially with their situation. I really don't like that people are telling them to quit. The whole point of a PhD is to face the challenge of dealing with situations which are far from ideal and overcoming them. The OP aleady had time off and is still unwell and it sounds like they're already half-way through the degree. Also as I said before they still have until Jan to improve.

For me personally I had to abandon bench work altogether. I have so little tolerance for work I dislike - and I like the theory but not the practice of lab-based science. What I do now is based in math modelling which suits me better. Weird - but lab work was really not for me.

Other factors (fogive me if I'm just repeating what you already know):
regular exercise, espeically in the morning (I used easyish dance videos); watch your diet and take supplements/tonics and cut the caffeine/alcohol; keep company - it's as important an effort as your work.

A therapist you click with is worth their weight in gold - stick with it!

Very poor. I think it is an achievemnt for anyone to complete a PhD and I dont mean to belittle the degree but I wonder how many people would undertake a doctorate if they didnt get the title after? I do feel that many people do it for the title

Im not encouraging Zingo to quit but you have draw the line somewhere.
There is a differnece between bailing ship the moment a Phder starts to feel the heat and leaving a PhD to preserve one's health. Ive been and gone through the process so I'm better placed to give advice on this than you.

Smilodon. It is interesting what you said in your last post. My PhD was completely lab based work which I hated and I do love theorethical work. There is a good chance I will do a PhD again in which case I Plan to go completely theoretical

I had suffered from depression for years, thoughout my BSc, a studentship and MSc, all included a lot of lab work, which I like so that's fine by me. The OP haven't mentioned they don't like lab work or any other aspect of their PhD. Could be wrong but it sounds like the PhDs you and Smilodon were doing weren't suited for you anyway, and there's nothing from the OP's post to suggest the case is the same for them.

Professional help is not just seeing a doctor for anti-depressants. It may also involve working with a psychologist.

But what I originally wanted to say is that we are all no professionals and, even if the OP has received professional help in the past, are not the right people to give advice. Imagine you were a lecturer. A student you barely remember from your lectures comes to see you to tell you about suicidal tendencies. What would you do? Fake understanding, tell about your own experiences as a student or send the student away to some professional who can give appropriate advice and help??

Even if the OP is not having suicidal thoughts at the moment, I think all of you are too confident in your ability to help someone with such serious difficulties. Perhaps I'm being oversensitive about this issue, but the problem is that there is no guarantee that some idiot will play devil's advocate. Maybe so far your advice has been genuine, but how can you guarantee it will remain like that in an open forum? That's why I said, delete the thread. I've heard about a forum where some idiot encouraged the person who had suicidal tendencies to go ahead and do it. Dead now.

That's why there shouldn't be "suicide" threads on this forum!