Hi Wally, thank you for your words of encouragement; it was my supervisor who was impressed with my writing and content recently, so, yeah, he most probably doesn't think I'm crap, just not yet eady for the upgrade process at my uni. I'm actually ok about that now, I think getting published is probably more important. Realistically, I doubt he'd have taken me on as a student if he didn't think i could do it.

I think I just felt super sensititve because immediately before the meeting I got the call to say I didn't get the job I'd just interviewed for, that morning. He was just telling me to re-draft a key art of my thesis introduction, one of my concepts, which is extremely controversial to many people in a particular discipline, so I need to be very careful with it. He didn't really say anything negative - just that this piece needed re-drafting, and it was only a second draft tht I sent him. I do need to get this concept/concepts sorted for anything else to follow, including the book chapter if it somes off, and my upgrade material. I am working towards that, everything he's given me to work on feeds into that.

The family thing is more general than the sid snot niece, it's about my parents too. I won't be able to spend Christmas with my family this year for various political and much deeper reasons and I think I'm a bit nervous about Christmas on my own. I have had lots of invitations from frends who know some of my family situation although not all of them all of it!), but I have decided that I need to spend one Christmas on my own, just to make sure I can do it and enjoy it, so that in future I'm not spending it with friends out of some sort of fear. I am feeling bullied out of my family at the moment, for reasons I don't feel entirely able too discuss here. Although partly because the niece, who live with the parents has been violent towards me in the past, to the extend whereby I have needed hospital treatment.

I am feeling better about my work than this morning; I'll probably get back to it tomorrow.

Here's a snowman to say thank you, you're another one I can't star any more.


(snowman)

Eska, you are more than welcome at mine - I'm deadly serious (I won't kill you though). I am having to go to my mother in law who is inviting family and about 10 of her friends - which I find a bit odd. So any distraction from 3 annoying kids and loads of mid life crisis city boys would be brilliant - its in London. You could teach me how films at xmas evoke a sense of sleepiness.

Wow, that led me to another brilliant idea...wouldn't it be cool if we all met up for a xmas drink or meal or something?

mmm...but then again, we probably wouldn't be so honest on here if we all knew each other...

(robin) + (tree) (lights caught on fire) = (turkey)

Hi Cobweb, Hilarious, you just made me laugh my ass off again. I've thought about having get togethers, but I valued being annonymous on here so much. I do love you all tho, it's a toughy isn't it?

Sneaks, thank you for your kind invitation, but Christmas just wouldn;t be Christmas without someone trying to kill me, or at least hospitalize me! Seriously, I think I need to spend it in my own company this year. I have lot of other things planned, so the season will still be fun for me, and I have a top New Year do lined up. It's the start my new ultra seprateness from my super nightmarish family.

ooh good luck on the new year do, I have a fab night of doing my PhD planned.

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About christmas Eska, but do you actually want to spend it alone? I'm have no doubt that you're capable (and given family circumstances it may be that you feel it would bring some welcome peace) but don't feel you have to deprive yourself of company just to prove a point. I'm only writing this because it seems that you can be a bit tough on yourself.

I'll be back in London this christmas myself sneaks, I won't gatecrash you but I'll keep an eye out for a redhead in a top hat ;)

The sad thing sneaks, is that I'm actually a little jealous of your new years plans! I'm spending two days with the in-laws and all the kids *arrrrrrgh - headbutts tree*

Hi Teek, Yes, I can be hard on myself - well observed - it's quite hard for me to remember not to be! I thought I might enjoy Christmas on my own, I also don't feel ready to send Christmas with someone else's family, I'm still quite raw abut what's been happening in mine so I'd like to just not think aboout family dynamics and all that. I haven't told my family how I'm spending Chrstmas, I spent it with a friend last year (she has no family in the UK) so they probably think I'm doing that again. I'v been trying to get a place helping out at a homeless shelter.

How bloody strange is that? I've been planning on doing the same thing this year. I REALLY want to do that but it's been quite a tough job of convincing my bf. He just wants to spend it on our own this year.

...but i strongly feel that xmas is a real family time, be it your own family, or a big group of people just sharing and enjoying each others' company.

"Joy to the world....doo be doo be do"

Teek - I will actually enjoy new year - I am a profound introvert and therefore would much rather spend it in front of tv than being grumpy in the corner of a party. The worst thing with new years parties are that you can't go home before midnight!

Fair enough eska, I can understand how sensitive you must feel about it all, just didn't like the thought of you giving yourself a hard time! The shelter idea sounds good, I know my hubby did that once; just after splitting from his ex, took his mind off not having his daughter there and I think he found it really rewarding.

Sneaks - it's so strange, I simply cannot imagine you as an introvert! I mean that in a good way I hasten to add.

hmm yes, i think I have become less introverted over the years. Maybe its just laziness - I literally can't be bothered with making small talk with people, and having to get to and travel back from a party, find something to wear that is right - the whole thing just seems like too much effort. Also my hubby is doing 9-5 and he used to be a PhD student so we used to hang around at home all day, and now I have to grab moments with him. So would rather stay in and watch telly - I'm getting soo old haha

Are you feeling more positive now Eska? Have you thought about going to help out in a kids hospital wing or something (Sneaks shudders at the idea of children) or maybe nursing some ickle puppies at a pet rescue centre?

======= Date Modified 10 Dec 2009 09:41:17 =======
Oh, definitely puppies over children! You see if human babies had fur I'm sure I'd be much more interested in motherhood - why are our own species so unattractive at birth?

- sorry, totally off topic there. As sneaks said though eska, hope your positivity trend has continued and you are feeling much sunnier today :-)