i dont know i'm begining to seriously doubt my own ability. doubt whether i can even write a thesis that is at the level of phd. maybe my supervisor is right, and the graduate tutor is right that i just dont have what it takes to write a thesis worthy of a phd.

maybe doing the phd was a complete waste of time.

my uni wants me to submit my thesis by 30th sept. or they will fail me. but they also want me to send in the forms 2 months before i submit my thesis. but my supervisor wont sign the forms, until i get a complete thesis done.

so mathematically that gives me until august to get a final draft done. and get the signs forms.

if my forms are not cleared, thats another issue. it might work to my benefit to have the exam forms delay so i have more time to prepare for the viva.

anyways i am going to leave the house and just get away from it all. i havent left the house in 3 weeks. i want to go watch the film wanted, but running late! hope i can make it. and then going to the alicia keys concert. i hope i enjoy it and are not too distracted by the black cloud that is thesis.

i dont think i will do that again, the whole staying in my study room everyday all day and doing nothing but writing. every day for weeks. i felt very isolated and depressed at times. and really tired for no reason. so now i am just going to have a regular schedule, and at least take half a day off once a week. to actually LEAVE the house and do something i like, like watching a film at the cinema.

right now, i am simply sick of all of this. its funny yesterday i was actually looking forward to getting back to writing and expanding on my first draft and getting to the nitty gritty and adding alot more detail. but today i just can't be bothered. and i just dont have the motivation anymore.

hopefully will make it to the film, *wanted* and then going to the concert, and hopefully that might clear my head.

i think i'm going through the stage of. can i really be bothered with this thesis anymore. i mean is it really worth it in the end.. i guess i only have 2 and half months of this. if i dont get a thesis that meets his satisfaction, will submit it anyways and see what the examiners say. if they faill me. then that's fine. i wasnt planning on staying in academia anwyays. i need to find a career that is more suited to me.

Everyone including myself hit the thesis writing wall. There were morning when I could not face the thought of another day of writing. What u have to tell yourself is that its not forever. Think my best advice is have a day off clear your head and take stock of the things that are left to do. Write a list of the points in each chapter you have to complete and tick them off when u have done them. This will help with your motivation and u will feel that u have made progress. Dont forget to use your supervisor they dont want you to fail. xx

thanks clowning, that is really great advice!!!

a family friend just called me and said the same thing. to approach it methodically and do it chapter by chapter.. instead of trying to do everything at once.

so tommorow i am going to start afresh and work now on completing all the chapters in its final version. and if i get stuck, i will just email one of my supervisors for some advice.

feeling better now

missed the time for the movie. but in a way glad i didnt go, cause my family family really helped to put things into perspective.

i do still feel very overwelmed by the huge task of writing the thesis and i do feel scared that what if there isnt enough time. but will just try to do weekly targets and one on one chapter at a time.

i have a tendency to worry about other chapters whilst working on one chapter. but will try to be more focused on one chapter at a time.

you're right clowning, its not forever, just another 2 months to go of this.

*sorry thats meant to be my family friend..

i still abit depressed though. logically i understand why i shouldn't and there is no reason to. but i just cant help how i *feel*

i dont feel like leaving the house to go to the concert. but literally am forcing myself to go. cause i paid for the ticket. so i am going to get ready quickly and hope i can make it in time.

maybe tonight when i come back i can make a plan of what needs to be done.

i just feel like, i just cant face doing all that writing and working on my thesis again. i dont know why i am feeling so low about it. mainly i think cause of my supervisors comments on saying it needs to be different to my papers and needs alot more detail and results and discussion. but i was going to do that anyways. but i dont know why i now just feel very overwelmed, and feel like i just cant face doing it.

i'm being totally irrational and illogical and childish i know. i just cant shake of that feeling of *dread*... anyways i am gonna go now and get ready.

Hang in there Lara, I suspect you are still feeling the stress of meeting the deadline, and you had to just bury all that stress, so you could focus on the deadline--which YOU MET!~ And now that you can relax from the pressure of the deadline, all of that pent up pressure is now coming out--it has to! I get post stress migraines---I can go like mad under stress, but when its done, I get knocked back for a day or more sometimes with a post stress migraine--they come on when the stress is done. Go figure.

You think that you would be feeling better when you are done, but you feel worse!

A wise old cowboy that once helped me with training a very difficult horse, a sort of Horse Whisperer type, said that horses became stubborn and fearful in training when you gave them a task that was too big and too hard for them to understand. Thus, you got nowhere--the horse was not being "bad"--it was simply stressed and had no idea how to comply with what was being asked.

So the trick ( as you have been doing so successfully) was to break the task down into manageable bites for the horse...as small as it took...until the horse understood and could do the one step, and the next, and the next, and then eventually the whole task was done.

Its the same for a PhD--break it down until its manegeable, even if manageable is 15 minutes ( or 5!) of typing!!! !You did this so well. Just go and relax, forget the stuff for a day or so, easier said than done, and then come back with the eggtimer and KEEP ON GOING until you are Dr Lara.

Sorry to hear that your supervisor won't give detailed feedback yet. Bit of a bummer really, and means you don't get the encouragement that you're on the right track. Maybe your other supervisor will be more helpful? In the meantime though pick yourself up (I know it's hard!) and carry on expanding the thesis and plugging the gaps. If you're aiming to submit this improved draft by the start of August then that's not too many more weeks of writing. Good luck with meeting your new deadline.

Hi Everyone,

Sorry to moan but i am also feeling a bit low. I also had to hand in my first draft on Monday which i managed but my supervisor has come back and wants to see a final draft. I have had some comments back which is great as she has only had it a day and my new deadline is Friday August 15th which is 6 weeks away. I just feel very overwhelmed at the minute and worried. I expected it to be covered in red but still feel i have so much to do. I guess i just have to get on with it and realise that the comments will make the thesis better but i just can't help but feel a bit down. Oh well guess we all just have to plod on! Sorry again for the moan, just needed to get it out of my system!!

Just read the advice from olivia and also others on different threads. This is such good advice, which has helped me as i am sure it will Lara. It is nice to know that there are people on this forum who understand what it can be like sometimes. Anyway, feeling a bit more motivated now so thanks again!

Hi Lara,

Hope you are having a better day today. I understand how you feel as i felt similiar yesterday, but today i have a more positive outlook. I think we just have to pick ourselves up and continue doing our best. I know it looks like a massive task but if we focus on little bits at a time, the thesis will shape up and we get there!!! Just need to keep going!!!! Hope you enjoyed the concert yesterday, and try not to worry, you will finish your thesis before you know it!!

Thank you so much Olivia for your message and encouragements! you always know the right things to say, and understand how people are really feeling. i admire your empathy skills

yes, that must be it, that it was a post stress syndrome, we should call it, post stress deadline syndrome PSDS lol

i am glad i went to the concert, it was really fun and it was nice to leave the house.