I've been wanting to quit every second since I got here 5 months ago - although I like the project, and get on with my supervisors, I absolutely, totally and utterly loathe the place I've ended up in - the cesspit of GB. Living here makes me depressed and demoralised, and I never have any energy or enthusiasm for my work: 3-4 years of this is going to be HELL. Also, not having worked in an academic environment before, I find the working atmosphere in my department opressive, bitchy, unsupportive, high pressure and generally very negative. Everyone always seems to be sick with a cold, everyone looks stressed, unhealthy and unhappy, people are treated like crap - if that's what it's like, who the hell wants to work in academia?? Also, the working group I'm in is small, there are few people working in closely related areas, there's no "oomph" or excitement about the research at all.
The thing is, I'm quite old to start a PhD (heading for 30 at great speed), if I don't see this through this time round it's never going to happen. Also, I work in the environmental sector where work opportunities aren't exactly plentiful, I blew my savings from my last job when I went travelling, and now I've no idea where to go or what to do if I walk out of here ... but if I manage to find a job, I'm out of here, and will cry no tears of regret. Sometimes your gut is right!!!
Best of luck to everyone, and keep posting! It really helps to know I'm not alone.
Just found this site after googling 'unmotivated PhD student'. On some level Im glad to finally find some people discussing dropping out. Im 14months in and have hated every minute - I don't know if i can face another two years of being this unhappy. Everyone around me just says I'm nuts for even considering dropping out - Im really sick that! I have wanted to to do a PhD (not sure why now) for as long as i remember, as soon as i signed the forms all that dissapeared and never came back. I'm too scared to talk to my supervisor about it. I feel trapped in that I am the face on a project involving all the marine research institues in my state - EVERYONE will know i ditched.
Fear or happiness...
KJJ - I did just downgrade my PhD to a masters - it can be done - but only if the department wants to let you do it. I was surprised they agreed to let me. I have enough for a masters and now literally only have to write it up and get out. It was a hard decision but if I really want the PhD I will go get it somewhere else. Like others in this chat, I too am stuck in the worst place in the world, not just GB - The literal armpitt of the universe! I am excited to leave; and scared. Job front is looking up - a good lead already. This site has really helped. I am not the only one. PS: of the main reasons I am leaving is because they told me right before holidays that my 4.5 year project (3 years in) was becoming a 5.5 year project - I just wasnt gonna make it. It's been hell every minute for 3 years. I can see the end
Hi all
I've been reading around these forums the past few days and - at the risk of sounding like a parrott - I thought I'd join in on the 'to quit, not to quit' discussion.
I too am wondering whether to carry on with my PhD, I'm only 4 months in but like so many others I have had my doubts since day one. It felt like I was just charging on ahead into a PhD without really knowing why or what I'd do after. When I signed those papers to say I'd accept the position, I lost all motivation enjoyment. All I can think of to keep me going is that I enjoy science and my research topic, with vague thoughts that this might actually prove useful someday.
Unlike some of you less fortunate people, I can't complain about my department - they're all really friendly people. The only downside is I'm 24 and most of them are 28+ with years of lab experience etc. which only serves to feed my constant worry that I know nothing and am a total fraud. I've been at it for 4 months now, I've done a lit review which I'm not proud of and haven't even started my lab work - which I appear to be terrified of! Is this normal? My supervisor was my undergrad supervisor too, so I feel like he should know if I was capable of the work, and I also sort of feel like I owe it to him to carry on.
I've not been in for the past couple of days trying to sort it all out in my head - as you wonderful people have suggested not making any rash moves (have been v helpful btw, thanks ) but still I'm no clearer.
I have been working on my PhD project for almost one year and I am considering quitting. The problem is that my supervisors don't really get along. One of them - the one sitting on all the knowledge and on whom me and my other supervisors are dependent on, does not seem to be interested in being my supervisor. He does not really have time for me. The other supervisors know about this but he doesn't listen to them either! This has made me loose my self-esteem. I am never happy when I am at work - worry alot. On top of this, I am the only pHD student at my lab. The rest are ladies in their 50-60's whom I do not have alot in common with! My supervisors know how I feel, yet none of them have asked me about it.
I am going to start looking for new job opportunities - but do I have to tell my supervisors yet? What about references? Surely I can't add my supervisors as references if I have not told them I am looking for a new job. Has anyone been in this situation? If so, what have you done?
bdboy - the best advice I can give you: if UR thinking of leaving because UR worried about being discovered as a fraud: don't. No really. Please don't worry about stuff like that. I am one of those 28+ people with years of experience and yes it has helped tremendously; but I was green once too. There are some grad students here that were incredibly green when they started (how do you use a pipette kinda green); after 4 years or so, they have gained some experience and are really well on their way to becoming productive scientists. You will have the learn the stuff sometime; and honestly grad school can be a more forgiving environment than many jobs. Don't worry, you are not a fraud. You have the tools now you get to figure out what to do with them, enjoy it - that is the super fun part of science. You'll see, in a few years this stuff will be second nature. Also remember, you will go through this everytime you join a new project or lab. Science is always about learning.
Hi Westibeast
Thanks for the advice. I think I've calmed down a bit now :P and like you said you have to start somewhere. I'm going to speak to my supervisor tomorrow and let him know how I feel - about my lack of confidence, but that I want to try and conquer it.
PS. good use of the word 'green' :)
Hey guys, i have posted a few threads on here now....where i have expressed concerns about my phd in the environmental sector. My supervisors got made redundant, and my new supervisors didnt have a clue about my subject area.
About a month ago, i started job hunting, and got a interview, I was called back and faced 4 hours of aptitude tests on tuesday. I have just been called back and been offered the job as a environmental consultant, the job i would have applied for after my phd ( cos academia sucks). This was the first application for a job I have ever made and got it peace of piss! A phd was a waste of time, i may try and see if i can convert to on mphil, but i already have an msc so whats the point.
Anyway i start in one month so im off to the alps snowboarding till than.
Hope everyone else lands on their feet.
quitterLOL
Congratulations. I'll try to complete the PhD (still got a substantial number of months/years to go) but I'd rather be snowboarding in the Alps now. It's approaching spring so it's the perfect time for snowboarding-good snow, good sun. I'm really jelaous as I haven't been out there for 5 years. Good luck in the new job.
Hey guys,
Have just read your messages and feel so relieved that others also experience the PhD nightmare. Totally identified with your comments.(especially coastalchick). Like many of you, I too have had my supervisor leaving for a year and leaving me with a guy who had no clue nor cared, being in an isolating environment (I HATE the British Library) and cos it was a phd in history, being surrounded by competitive intimidating collegues and students. I still am to decide whether or not to return to the phd, (I took time off, thats how bad it was!!)- but in all likelihood i think i won't cos i think it will just get worse.
What worries me though is that how would I explain this 24 month phd experience during which i learned nothing (apart from perfecting my 'how to stress myself to death' skills!!) to a future employer or even put it on my CV. And what about references, will supervisors be kind?. Then there is the fear of leaving books and academia for the first time ever (am a total geek) and facing the world of work, which am absolutely dreading.
Any comments or thoughts?
Angie
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