I'm not trying to convince anyone anything. I'm telling you that a PhD can be completed successfully without it taking over your life. I know this because I have friends who have already completed their thesis and they said it can be done. Why can't you accept that not everyone needs to work 25 hours a day during their PhD but can still do well?

I don't work 25 hours a day, I don't even work in the evenings or weekends but I can see how it can turn into a nightmare for some people. I think you need to understand that different people will have different dedications to their work. To them, the PhD is everything at the time they are doing it, nothing is more important and even if they want to change that, their frame of mind wont let them.

I've seen people do this at UG level so its not really suprising.

At last years Christmas Party I got very drunk and threw myself at the Director of my Research Institute. We're kind of off and on, but you'll be surprised where you can find it

Sleepyhead you are a legend!!

Yes H, I agree with you. All I'd add is that just as you have those who let their PhD take over you have those who are chilled and still succeed. All I originally wanted to say is that not everyone finds their PhD so demanding that they don't have time for other social activities and meeting people. It's just unfortunate that a lot of people here do find that it gets in the way.

Again, Sleepyhead you are a legend.

I agree with what Adam has said in this discussion. Phds are demanding but also fun, and yes they do you leave you time for a social life. Visiting this forum off and on, it seems many people let their PhD take over there lives, I believe this does not have to be the case.
Sex a plenty!! yay!!

Adem: I guess the whole idea of this is not to state whether PhD makes ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE any social/romantic life or not. The whole idea is how much affects your social life and time to grow a meaningful (whatever that means to each one) relationship. However, it is sound to explore generalities and to shed some light on how are grad students doing and how their PhD affects the sentimental/affective side of life. I do not agree that PhD affects you only to the point you let it to affect you. One must look at particular circumstances. I do, however, agree that whatever your circumstances it is always worth to make an effort to get the best out of it. In general terms PhD is very demanding and that affects your life, for good and for bad, whether you like it or not. Certainly it is not a death sentence, but the point is to explore the different experiences regarding academic life/sentimental life.

I agree with Adem 100%. I am also 6 months in and i agree that a PhD is nothing more or less than other careers; it is just DIFFERENT. Whereas we may have problems with lonliness, others may have problems with colleagues etc. My boyfriend (computer programmer) works 9-5 in a company, comes home at 6 and has to work another 2 hours MINIMUM. He has deadlines, the same stress like me to reach them and above everything a boss! He works at the same level I do, he hasnt got flexible hours etc....

I have two more points here:
1) The people on this forum (myself included) are not a representative sample of the PhD students. I dont want to use any adjectives, but think about it. So, people give more or less the same answers here when it comes to "what it meanns to do a PhD". If you go to a bar where PhDs hang out tonight, you will receive different answers!

2) I think that for us (or most of us) doing a PhD came naturally as we followed our inclination and skills. So, its "easier", more "natural" for us than for other people who have different skills/talents. Objectively, a PhD is a difficult thing to achieve. But the thing is that subjectively we are the right people to do it (in a sense that it fits us, the way we are, the way we work, our skills etc), so that makes it subjectively easier. What we have to do is reach our goal within 3 years. Each of us can follow a different path to reach it (acccording to their personality, e.g., less ougoing, more outgoing, more effective, clever etc. That's my opinion.

Hi Scamp, good post, just some questions..
1)In what way people in this forum are different or are not a representative sample pf PhD students? Why do yoy think so? (is it a matter of sample size or is it something else?) How would answers differ from PhD students in a bar?
2)Your second point: "doing a PhD came naturally as we followed our inclination and skills" If such is the case and, aside the need of being smart, disciplined, persistent, self motivated, hard working, creative and so on..... Wouldn't it be that, high achievers as PhD students are, all of those characteristics somehow imply some necessary individualism and skill to cope with loneliness as PhD sooner or later implies the "loneliness of the long distance runner"?

Continuing, Scamp....
"But the thing is that subjectively we are the right people to do it (in a sense that it fits us, the way we are, the way we work, our skills etc), so that makes it subjectively easier"

I agree with you.

So, I guess "we are the right people to do it" since we have what it takes.

And it takes (among many other things) the commitment of being devoted to your research.....

Of course, each one manages different. But for many it seems to me, their research demands too much that begins to affect their personal sphere. And we can not just easily put blame on them as to say "oh, that guy/girl just let that happen to him/her.... but look at me, I'm doing fine!"

I work in an office with 9 PhD students. ALL of them are extremely focused (they work almost solidly 8:00 to 20:00, five days per week, I don’t know what they do on weekends). So, all of them, I assume, are hard working, self motivated, not very sociable (by self-report), therefore suitable for their position. BUT they are not all equally clever/effective. One of them for example (in his 3rd year now) told me that he spent the whole first year focusing on teaching undergrads a subject that was not related to his area. Maybe he didnt want to feel embarrassed by not knowing stuff whereas the other guys couldnt care less and put the minimum effort on this. So, you see how individual differences can have a huge impact on your progress.

Another, who has all the characteristics of a high achiever may be sociable as well, therefore needing more time to complete a PhD or having to push himself more than someone else to finish on time. Everyone has to push themselves in something! But the level to which you push yourself in order to achieve a goal is also a skill. Whether there is time for romance and sex during the PhD, there isn’t a clear cut answer. Depends on your personality, the nature of your PhD, your effectiveness, the way you spend your free time, your ability to sacrifice something to get something else, to know yourself, your limits, your abilites etc etc. From all this, you can also infer what I imply about people who post here often.

I consider myself one of the more unusual PhD students: I work 25+ hours a week to fund my research. I do not have an office at uni (by request) as I am quite happy to mingle with the lowly undergrads in the library. I'm 26, and have been with my girlfriend for 3 and a half years. We moved in together 2 years ago. Our sex life is fantastic. Furthermore, she routinely states how romantic I am.

I honestly believe one must balance their life while completing a PhD. Spending more than 40 hours a week on one's doctorate is a sure way to burn out, and what's more, ruin your social/sex life.

In my opinion, the trials and tribulations often associated with a PhD are spoken by those who are unable to manage their time and life away from academia. For those of your who are in their 20s like me, this is the best time of your life. While doing a doctorate is a fantastic opportunity, life outside the university is as essential as any lab experiment.

Adieu,

Tom

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Maybe it wasn't intended, but I find that statement rather glib, naive and slightly patronising to the many people on this forum who have discussed their PhD-related 'trials and tribulations', often in a way that has made this forum such a useful and supportive place. People doing PhDs frequently have to deal with unexpected and sometimes very difficult life events, such as serious illness, births, deaths, personal problems or even crap supervision. These can have an emotional impact that goes far beyond mere time management. It's not just a case of slotting separate things into boxes on a timetable, life's messier than that. Even without major problems to contend with, there is nothing wrong with discussing academic issues and problems, either on an internet forum or in 'real life', but you make it sound like a weakness or something. People are all different. We are all aiming for the same goal, but just get there in different ways.