Take very day as it comes. You are fortunate in many ways - ESP with your daughter. What are your priorities in life? All will work out and worrying won't help. I know it's east to say don't worry but it ain't that easy.

======= Date Modified 02 May 2012 08:42:48 =======

Ain't got long, busy day, so I'll be brief and as helpful as possible.

Go to Uni. and ask for six month PhD suspension. You've an upcoming and apparently difficult divorce, hence that and your daughter are the priorities.

If they won't give you the suspension, then you still have to prioritise your daughter and domestic situation. You can always try for PhD by published work later.

You should havd asked for far longer than 12 weeks.

Lots to do, will check by later. In the meanwhile, hugs and hope you're okay.

Ian (Mackem_Beefy)

There is not much I (or anyone else) can say to help but I felt it important to remind you that you are NOT a failure. You are, however, faced with a lot at the moment: you're trying to complete a piece of work under incredibly stressful circumstances, you have horrific pressure on the family front, are looking to move house and playing mummy to a lovely little one (who almost certainly needs lots of attention too). It's ok to be overwhelmed by all of that and you really should try not to beat yourself up about it (ok, so it is maybe not so easy as it sounds...).

You're probably also exhausted with writing up, being a mother and (I'd guess) worrying about everything until the early hours. Nothing gets any easier when you are shattered - try to take some time off to sleep (even just 24hrs). It won't make everything ok but hopefully it will give you a little more strength to face what is happening at the minute. Think about asking for more time to write up - you have some fairly extreme circumstances and a really good reason to delay things (or even take a year off?).

I'm sorry not to be any real help! Hugs and a

(snowman) (because they don't have any ice cream...)

So.....I woke up this morning....and the skies were blue! I appreciate this is a small thing given the circumstances. However, it was not all doom and gloom....then I read a quote from the great man himself:

"If you're going through hell, keep going" Winston Churchill. Brilliant.

Clearly it was seriously stuff when he was saying this, and this is not really world changing serious. But still it made me kind of giggle - when I compared it to my life.

Now a few things happened today that have made things seem easier and possible, these were:

1. I secured a beautiful place to rent in Bath - it is really very pretty. Bea and I will feel safe and (hopefully) in time happy there.
2. I booked my flights home.
3. My husband agreed to let me take Bea out of the country
4. ShelterBox in Cornwall have offered me some exciting work in humanitarian aid.
5. My bank cards etc. turned up
6. I managed to format my chapter so that landscape pages were numbered in the right way (I was very pleased about that)
7. My writing is going well.
8. I have started to make friends with some mum's with babies in Bath - and they have invited Bea for tea and cakes....amazing
9. Bea has been ace as usual. She took her first steps.

Thats a pretty amazing list. So I need to turn that frown upside down :-)

When I read the last three posts - I became all misty-eyed. Thank you, thank you, thank you.......sometimes this feels like the only place I can say how I feel - of course I have friends on the end of the phone etc. However, none in academia really - so when I am lucky enough that someone takes the time to care, it matters. It really matters to me.

I am living for the day in five and half weeks that I can and will say on here that I have finished. My quest....rests on a knife edge (as the great wizard himself says)....but I am determined to not give up yet.

Now for the ice-cream x

Whoa girl, what a turnaround. All I can say is you are on a real roller coaster. It's amazing how things can turn around in such a short space of time. I guess I've forgotten how much things can change in those last few weeks before submission, both emotionally and in life and general.

I'm glad your ex has seen sense and realised he can't stand in your way. You're ex's change of attitude and you finally being able to leave for the UK proper has lifted a weigth off your shoulders. Now it appears the rest is up to you and you now have a much clearer run-in than it appeared just 24 hours ago.

My previous advice was based on the situation of 24 hours ago in that I believed you had to focus on the immediate situation. That has changed so quickly and I'm so glad for you that it has.

I still believe you should have asked for more time to finish your write-up than you did as even without the pressures you've been facing you have your good days where everything goes well and other days where you can barely write a word. With pressures you have faced, I've no doubt you'd have got a lot longer.

However, if things are going well and you believe you can get the write-up out of the way then best of luck.


All the best,


Ian (Mackem_Beefy)

Hello Heidi!

A simple message to give you courage et keep believing in hope. I hope that your situation improve and you succeed of writing your PhD before the deadline. =)

Best wishes

I.

Here's the stats:

Number of words written in final draft: 90,000 (although depressingly all need reformatting as the hand in guidelines have just changed....)
Number of words left to write: 20,000
Time left on the clock: 5 weeks.

Charlie Brown quote of the week: “This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.”

Best moment of the week so far: Bea learning to draw...

Worst moment of the week so far: The most empty hug I have ever had in my life. It was as if I was air. This was the key moment - the moment I knew all was lost. A quote sprang to mind "don't let someone be a priority in your life if you are only an option in theirs" Bea and I are clearly an option....

Nevermind....onwards and upwards....not long until I tell you the PhD is complete.....the count down is on :-) love Heidi and Bea

Hi Dear

Take it as a challenge! Prioritize your needs. You can do it. Take full two weeks to complete your PHD paper work. Keep your hopes and self-confident up. I trust that you will achieve success at the end. You will prove that you are capable. Good Luck

That means that you are an awful lot closer to completion than you were a few short weeks ago - well done! You've tackled it head on and written over 15,000 words (by my calcs reading back). You've also found a job, started looking for a house in a new place and made contact with new friends there for you and your daughter.

In the meantime, Bea has taken her first steps, grown some teeth and picked up a crayon to draw you a picture.

Go you and go Bea!

I don't mean to sound trite, things are obviously going to be tough for quite some time - try not to lose sight of how much you have achieved when you are worrying about the things you have still to do. Hang on in there, it will be worth it in the end :-)

Oh - and keep that first picture. You can frame it and hang it alongside your Doctoral certificate in your new house as testament to how strong you girls really are ;-)

Hello my lovelies....this is your local disaster speaking....crikey-bob-ski we have been on a journey!

Thank you so much for the last two really encouraging posts...I am trying!!! I am not sure about the two weeks for paperwork! But they know I am cutting things fine. They have kindly said they only need an electronic version (not the bound version) for my deadline (12th June).

I can't believe I am almost there. Here's the up date.

- Bea has nine teeth!! Can dance - which has me in stitches...has her first painting framed on the wall - beautiful (thank you for the suggestion) and is just generally a smashing little pumpkin. I am very very very blessed (and perhaps just a little tired too!)
- We have a beautiful home in Bath! Looks very pretty indeed - I flew over for a visit - it was lovely.
- PhD is going!! Amazingly in all the heartache and disappointment I have written another 10,000 words. Just the last chapter to write and we are done. Fingers crossed for no dramas whilst I finish.
- Viva date booked for the 18th of July
- Graduation 17th September
- New job 24th September

I really hope I can give you all back a little something special - in the way of success in the face of adversity.

I've learnt a lot about myself.

I am going to try and be a strong, independent, loving mother and woman. And I'm okay just the way I am.

I read that you should 'live a life you are proud of.....and if you are not proud of it have the strength to change it' ....I shall try.

Thinking about it Mark Twain said something like 'live your life so that even the undertaker will be sorry' ....I will try again!

Stephen Fry said 'an original idea...can't be that hard...the library must be full of them'.....and I laughed

Good night

======= Date Modified 23 May 2012 02:01:02 =======
I'm so glad to hear that things have taken a turn for the better - like sunshine after the storm! (up)(up)

Thanks for the update. Keep hanging in there...you only have a little further to go!

======= Date Modified 23 May 2012 06:54:57 =======
Round one of the PhD vs mother......

I was so tired from the PhD write-up and looking after the baby yesterday morning, that I fell asleep just after I had changed Bea's nappy (she was on a rug in the living room). I literally fell asleep in a little ball right there.....woke up ten minutes later to find that Bea had made herself breakfast in the form of a tub of sudocream - Bea and the living room were caked in a white thick cream. Bea had decided to give it a try for taste....so it was all over her ....yuck. Half a tub of white cream covered the living room - turning it into a winter white wonderland.....hummm it was a little funny....

Okay so the PhD may have won this one - by duffing me up with tiredness- but I will avenge!

Thank you Dalmation......hope you have a lovely day.....love Heidi and Bea

'I took the speed writing course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. Its about Russia' Woody Allen

I just wished to quickly send an update. I am almost there peeps!!! I have written my little socks off. Last 5,000 words. Hand in end of next week (suppose to be Tuesday) but they will give me Thursday....

THANK YOU for all your help - kindness and encouragement.

The only reason I am sat next to a pile of printed work (around about 90,000!) is because of the support from people here. I really mean that.

THANK YOU.

I am very tired.....

Places I have fallen asleep in the last few months include - rather impressively - the kitchen sink!!! soon woke me up when I was covered in bubbles!

Enjoy your day, love Heidi