I agree Ian, this is a place for support and whilst I understand everyone has the right to their opinion it was poorly placed. The OP is clearly having a lot of emotional turmoil at the moment and such posts will only further add to that. Maybe that is a part of forums (trolls and the opposing views) but sometimes the anonymity of the forum is the only place that some people can get the support they need when those nearest and dearest are few and far between. Isolation is very hard when under additional stress. Hopefully Heidi will see that the majority posting here are there to help her.

Hello Heidi, I've just read through some of this thread (not all of it I must confess), and I am totally in awe of what you've achieved and what you've been through - its given me one heck of a kick to get my act in gear and get my thesis submitted next month! Please ignore some posters - on any forum there will always be the odd troll, I have quite fond memories of a particular one from a couple of years back - and sadly, its usually the case that the mods can't spot every bitchy or downright stupid comment and deal with it. Don't let people like that put you off or drive you away - just treat him with the contempt he deserves and keep your chin up. I hope that your submission went ok and that you've had a good visit home. Take care xxx

Hi Mackem_Beefy, I don't think that I need to ban LarryDavid for his posts in this case - although he may be a wind-up merchant, he is also a genuine poster, and I don't feel he is breaking the rules.

http://www.postgraduateforum.com/rules.aspx

I think on the whole this is a supportive forum, with lots of helpful posters... keep it up! And don't feed the trolls etc.

BTW I have messaged LarryDavid regarding this.

Just to clarify publicly I am happy to accept Reenie's fair PM and take her advice about the forum onboard.

I am HUGELY disappointed that someone as well respected as Ian here in PG forum would call for me to be banned. This is a public forum and all I have given is my opinion.

Ian, if you're reading this, please do not reply or contact me again, either publicly or in PMs.

LD.

======= Date Modified 20 Jun 2012 15:40:44 =======
Reenie,

What you say is fair enough. I got a little angry because I feel that a genuine poster might have been frightened off.

I've no problems with wind ups as such and I can be as bad as anyone. The less said about a lad with a spider phobia (albeit with a sense of humour) a long time back, the better. That said, I was a lot younger then.

However, there is a time and place for wind ups and banter. Heidi and the state she was in was not the person, time or place. That girl has been through hell. I wasn't suggesting permanent ban as I admit that would be over the top, just say a week's cooling off period.

A possible solution might be to delete a few of the more recent posts from this thread to restore the original integrity.

Ian (Mackem_Beefy)

I'm not a fan of deleting posts (unless they break the rules) as continuity goes to pot. Let's just gloss over it!

As Heidi has posted another thread I'm hopeful she has not been frightened off using the forum.

Let's get back on topic, keep up the good work everyone - and feel free to PM me if needed.

Reenie
PostGrad Forum Team

======= Date Modified 20 Jun 2012 15:25:46 =======
I've had my say and will leave it at that. Heidi, best of luck to you if you're reading this. (up)

Ian (Mackem_Beefy)

I can't read this thread at the moment - will try again tomorrow - oddly I can reply but not read others...yet.

So here we are.....Bob Dylan playing.....'Most of the time' Truly the most beautiful song ever written.

Friday morning I pick up the thesis all bound and then hand in to Faculty. I guess its about waiting until the Fat Lady sings....I didn't even manage to get the Appendix in!! can you imagine....useless woman.

Anyway I wanted to apologize for checking out early. I was a rabbit in the head lights. Fight or Flight...and I choose the latter on that occasion. I was worn out. Still dusting off my knees, heart, pride.

I just wanted to be all the things I said I was going to be to Bea - I whispered so many promising words in those tiny ears when she was born.

I realise that if you get to the top and have nobody to share it with - it means nothing.

I am feeling the bitter sweet....glad to have the main part written - a little sad to have lost the person I hoped to spend my life with.

Viva on the 18th of July. Probably sink to the bottom of the pond like a pebble....let's hope not.

Lets forget about it for awhile....

For tonight I have Bob to keep me company....and he is smoothing my ears. He is like have fresh crushed up strawberries from your garden (grown by you....picked by you.....washed by you....crushed by you) with creamy milk on a summers day.

When I can read past messages I will reply lovelies. But for now...for this moment...its just bob and I.

Sleep well, love H

Good to hear from you Heidi - how exciting (and scary) that you have a viva date! There are loads of threads about preparing for viva on this forum which have been really interesting and useful to read.

You're on the home straight now - and have a fresh start with your daughter. Wishing you the best of luck (gift)

I'm so pleased to see you back, but Bob??? seriously???? lmao - that man makes my skin crawl for some reason ;-) You need some Shaggy - Shaggy cheers me up 8-)

I can't believe your viva date is so close - you're so lucky! I don't submit until the end of July but I've been told its likely to be Sept/Oct viva if they can get it in in time.... so long to suffer!

Hope you had a lovely evening xx

Having been allowed off the rock for a few days....I have brought baby Bea to England. Web - a little sketchy so please accept my apologies for not touching base with a few familiar faces...you know who you are.

I'm not sure how people felt when they finally handed in - but for me - there was a slight wave of excitement - shortly followed by a wave of worry (for all the things I was unable to do in the timescale) - followed by a wave of dread (for the viva in a matter of weeks).

So there we are. I'm wondering around in the space between words.

Its funny - its been a reflective time. The more I have tried to look back at my work - the more I find that I have analysed my life rather than the research.

Six years of part-time study - gone in a flash.

I've been so poor at times that I remember having just one can of bake beans to last me a week. I literally remember rationing beans! (I wondered so willingly into PhD battle - following a professor - who I adored and trusted - and never thought about all the practical things like finance, a home, food!)

Still....it has been an adventure.

I've been around the world a few times - sometimes for humanitarian reasons - working for various aid projects - and other times for rest and enjoyment.

I have led a life which has been over crowded with people. People from all sorts of wonderful backgrounds. I've felt loved. I've felt lonely.

Yes, I've experienced far more than a PhD - and now I have an extra pair of little feet that follow mine.

So my backpack will be a heavier on my future travels.

I watch her sleeping and I wonder how something so perfect came from this jigsaw puzzle which has been my life. And right now, right here I'm more scared about being the right kind of mother for her, than being the right kind of PhD student for some viva where I am measured and weighed - and left found wanting.

Guess what.....Bea and I are coming HOME people!!!!! Consent Order sorted and Bea and I are packing up home....hopefully get into Bath next week. Nervous that all our plans will be made to change. But still fingers crossed. My goodness haven't even thought about viva in July. I'll be running around here for help then. Thank you for all helping and being supportive. The book is in.....the viva is a few weeks away and Bea are (fingers crossed) on our way home. love Heidi and Bea

Glad to hear you're okay. Good look with the move and fingers crossed with the upcoming viva.


Ian (Mackem_Beefy)

So I kind of thought just maybe Bea and I might be allowed our life back .....but no. I'm now going to document my pass or fail of viva (whenever I have a bit of internet access and time with the baby asleep). From tomorrow Bea and I are homeless. I do not mean literally on the streets. I mean we will now be living out of a suitcase from hotel to hotel. This is because if I leave the island I will not get Legal Aid to secure Bea's future. I'm so lonely. I cannot really describe how I feel. My viva is set - I will sink or swim - and doubt I will have much prep. I have managed to find some where for Bea and I to sleep safely for tomorrow night. I am just finishing packing up our belongings to be sent to England to store until I am released from this island. I'm so tired. Bea is sick - she has a throat infection too. The good news is that I am able to get Legal Aid to help put right what has been done. It should be an interesting story - because this will be one of what happens when you really cannot prepare at all for your viva. I don't know what to keep here and what to send back. I will keep the baby carseat, pram - and then my computer (I wish it was small - I have an iMac) I think I will DHL it afterwards. At least tomorrow we have a place to stay. I need to somehow keep calm, focus, use my brain and not panic. The truth is I'm terrified. I'm lonely and scared. I have a little baby and her father has and is making life very hard for us. Right, I better log out and pack some more. I will try and give an up-date. Somehow it helps me. Pleeeeeeeeease wish me luck. I need it. I think I'm broken, love Heidi and Bea

I said this ages ago. You should have asked for a longer extension.

You really needed to get you personal circumstances sorted out first before the PhD and viva even entered your head. You, Bea and the main priority, the divorce second and the PhD somewhere else down the list.

Contact your University and try to have the viva put back. You can't do it all, you are only one person.

Ian (Mackem_Beefy)