I think this is the only worry which I really have: when I have a child will it be completly change my centre of live to the extend that I ask myself that I could as well work as a bar person (no offence meant) (earn the same money) and take everything less serious?

I think, sometimes having a baby changes the parent's perspective in life. I'm sure you've heard of people quitting smoking, drugs etc when they had a baby, the same applies here as well. It would depend on what your goal in life is. If a woman thinks a PhD would still be important after having a child, then that's great but after childbearing, feels that she can't go through all of that but would rather do something else and look after her child, then that is understandable and even honourable.

Just follow your heart.

Ok, just my 2p worth...I didn't want to post because I have been flamed before for homeschooling but who cares...
I fell pregnant during the finals of my BA Hons Sport Science degree, just 11 months into my marriage. VERY unplanned. I was an athlete, tickets booked to travel overseas to the UK (from RSA), MPhil/PhD interview arranged, everything.... We still decided to come, I went for my interview in-between feeling dire but decided not to continue with my studies. I became a stay at home Mum for 13 years, bringing up all my children (with husband). In 2002 when my youngest was 17 months, I went back to Uni part-time. I did a post grad. dip. and a BSc Hons and then an MSc and now I am doing a PhD. My biggest regret.....

is that I didn't go ahead with the original PhD, that I thought motherhood was such a big deal that I would never cope. Instead, I spent 13 years absolutely loving motherhood but feeling intellectually unchallenged and brainless.
I say, go for it. Have your babies young, I did and now I have an 18 yob, 16 yog, 14 yog, 12 yob, 10 yog, 8 yog and 6 yob and I feel younger now than I did when I had my first. I am sure it is because I feel good about myself both intellectually and physically. I am training for a triathlon, doing a PhD and my daughters and I share clothes and music. Time management is important, I am very strict with both myself and my children when it comes to not wasting time but it works...My studies make me a more fulfilled person and therefore a more fulfilled and happy Mummy (Please, no flames about having seven children etc. , I am just trying to encourage).

Gosh, pinkneuron (I am not being negative about having seven kids, my sister has six) but I think it is a big task and I have no idea where you take the energy from - can you buy it somewhere? I am impressed by you my sister and any other woman who manages. I hope I will be able to count myself to this group soon as well and what you say would be probably right for me as well: I would enjoy being a full-time mum but then my brain would starve and I would try everything to get back to where I am sitting now. I should just try to see it as a chance to have both dreams fullfilled at the same time - and my husband and I were just married for four month so you gave yourself loads of time pinkneuron

These things happen Oz, to the most intelligent of people
Energy...my father left me with the most precious genetic inheritance, the ability to function on very little sleep, a gift for which I am eternally grateful

You all that 2p worth! PinkNeuron I'm sure you were only joking. That's quite an achievement there and I am sure lots of women out there can learn and be encouraged by what you've just shared. With regards to what you mentioned, i would definately want to have my family while i'm young and not when i start growing grey hair enmasse.

no, lets please not stop

oz, you mentioned childcare benefits for unemployed people... is that equally valid if you're a student? (I just know from some other countries, that if you are a student, you're not entitled to any benefits that unemployed people get)
also, is it valid for international students, or do you know what eligibility criteria there are? i have british citizenship but that doesn't make me eligible for government funding for a PhD (research councils). would i still be eligible for maternity benefits? what if i didn't have citizenship?

I agree - this is great! Wow wow wow Pinkneuron! That's truly inspiring. Partly why I'm keen to do a PhD and study is because of my mum. She left school at 15 in 1955 and married, left a job as a bilingual secretary and I know found that she lost alot of confidence. When I was 16 she did her GCSEs, then a BTEC, then an Access Course and got her BA when she was 61. I know she loved us children, but I know too that it made her sad that she hadn't found all the excitement and confidence that studying brought her sooner. I bet your kids are truly inspired by you. Shani - Here's a link to some info on maternity benefits. I think that Statutory Maternity Pay is for employees only but the Maternity Allowance might apply if you are working part-time. I may be wrong, but that's how i read it. The Citizens Advice Bureaux are really helpful and their website might be too.

Oops - sorry here's the link http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Bfsl1/BenefitsAndFinancialSupport/DG_10018869

Don't know if this helps but The Child Poverty Action Group article might also help re: questions on students, pregnancy and maternity pay. I just found this article which looks interesting and shows that people who feel discriminated against re: benefits are taking their claims to court
http://www.cpag.org.uk/cro/wrb/wrb194/pregnant.htm

Hi Shani - I think that benefits are given on the basis of residency and therefore apply if you have the right to reside here. But CAB would know for sure.

How come we haven't explored the effects of childbearing on a man ;-

Just a thought

Very true!!! Any men out there who've had kids whilst doing a PhD? I did know someone who had kids straight after BA and so had two littluns whilst doing his PhD. I'm not sure what his experiences were in the office though eg with colleagues. If anything I think both for a man and a woman having kids definitely motivates you to work hard!! You've got them to think about. I'm nearly at the end of my first year and I am really trying hard to pack things in knowing that it will be harder in the future. My supervisor actually brought it up with me (after I was well in to the course) and asked me - which was a great relief as I realised that it must be something that happens. She was lovely and very supportive. Before then I was worried, but didn't want to look back and regret anything. Is it just me or do all women convince themselves they're infertile? And what about men - do you worry about it? If you'll excuse the personal question?

Its not that personal. Personally, i know i'll have kids someday in the near future but i'm not sure of the next couple of years with me hoping to start this year an all. Its harsh if all woman think of themselves as infertile. You're all wonderful creatures, don't you know