Well, I don't think anyone (including me) has intended to be unhelpful. It's the nature of discussion forums that we will all have different viewpoints, and I think there's no harm in airing them

There's no really convenient way to mix work and parenting unless you just make one parent be a full-time parent. But then what is the purpose of society - is it to maximise the work effort at the expense of the family - or to find a best fit solution that optimises both?

I agree, but they were getting a bit personal rather than relating to the OP. No offence intended, it sounded harsher than I meant.

PC and I have been round this block before

I was replying to Juno's post btw. The replies are flying too thick and fast!!

I couldn't imagine solely being a full time mother. I think I would go a bit mad.

You probably would Jayney - if I have any guilt - it's that I think I really would go completely barmy being a mother 24/7 7 days/week!

yup yup. I don't think retaining a sense of self is anything to feel guilty about. It is all relative what one is 'giving' to their child. I, happily, think that going to nursery and being sociable and seeing their mum out and about and achieving is as important as whether they are there for breakfast every single day.

I do want to do both though. I find working out all the timings and maximising my womb/work balance exhausting.

Hmmph. Better get back to work now...

Heh. Going back to when I was small (a long time ago...) I actually preferred it when both my parents were out at work. I could do my own thing without being watched

Just reminded me, cos a colleague has taken the entire summer off to look after his 14 year old son, which seems a bit much to me: let the lad go out and live his own life!

It also depends on the kind of children you are blessed with. If my daughter really enjoyed nursery I might have increased my childcare to help write-up. But she is a very shy child and I have taken her out of nursery completely and she's now with a childminder. She really likes that so much better: one carer, fewer children. I don't think she would respond well to increasing her childcare so i try to make do with 3 days/week. It's hard to gauge the needs of your family in advance of having said family. I would advise keeping options as open and flexible as possible.

True smilodon. I think your conclusion is so representative of this whole debate: until you have a child you cannot gauge how it will affect you life. Us non-parents can wax lyrical/negative about having one til the cows come home - but until you have one...

Of course you are right, no one knows what will happen until it actually does. I was just airing my fears on why I don't want to have children at the moment. Going back to going away for conferences etc, I find it hard to leave behind my husband, it would be a lot harder for me to leave a baby for x number of days or weeks.

H - It's worth thinking about these things even if your ideas change later. Amazing how many people have never given any thought to childcare etc and then get a big shock. I keep trips away to a minimum. I went to one conference for 6 days when she was 2 - and she REALLY punished me when I got back. I personally aim for 2-3 days max. But I have colleagues who go on field work for months. In some cases, father and child both go too.

This is a really interesting issue. I am 22 and will be around 25-26 when I finish my PhD, which I guess is about the right age to think about marriage and babies. I fully intend on being a full-time mum for at least their younger years. I used to feel a bit guilty about why I am doing a PhD when a career that actually puts it into use might possibly be delayed or not happen. But I love my PhD and I don't think I am wasting my or anyone elses time or money by doing it.

I totally agree SillyBilly. I intend to work for 2/3 years after I finish PhD but then have children and stay at home until they go to school and then go back to pursuing my career afterwards. I don't think my PhD will be a waste at all, I will be contributing to research in the field during it and when I return to my career the PhD will have given me great experience to help me in my future work.

Im writing up my phd and currently nearly 8 months pregnant. I will update you with how it goes but so far its all good. I lost a baby last year so often things never turn how how you plan them. I have found since being pregnant I am much more focused and organised and since I have other priorities in my life rather than just phd my approach is better. I eat well, sleep well, work hard and enjoy some time off. Yes it can be hard, morning sickness and other complications but I couldnt just be a mum- just as I couldn;t just do my phd and nothing else in life. I know i will need to be organised to finish the writing up when baby comes but I also know that I will do it. I hope to work afterwards, part time preferably for a while. My sup is very supportive as is my husband. Let people discriminate or comment but I am the happiest I have been in these months! Hope it continues when the sleepless nights hit!