Hi folks,

Thanks so much for your kind words and support. I have had a wonderful few days, since making the decision, and have been left in no doubt whatsoever that it was the right choice for me.

I can breathe and sleep properly again. I feel like I am alive and that there is a future after all. I have got out in the fresh air and spent time with friends and family - all of whom are being incredibly supportive.

My son said yesterday that it was like his 'real mum' had been away for the a long time but was back now. This makes me feel sad and guilty but relieved that I drew it to a close before the situation deteriorated further.

It was a tough decision but sometimes its braver to walk away from something than to continue and, as it turns out, it is absolutely right for me.

I now need to find a job, shrink down my thesis to an MPhil submission and look forward to the future (which may include a phd, but it would be in a subject I absolutely adore and when my son is a little older).

Thanks again. (up)

Glad to hear that that weight's off you and you're feeling like yourself again Angel, I think you're spot on about it being braver to walk away. And well done to your son for affirming your decision, kids can sometimes sum things up rather neatly can't they? Hope everything goes well with the job search!

I'm really glad things are looking up for you and that you feel much less stressed now, Angelofthenorth. You can always pursue a PhD in future and you're in a better position than anyone to succeed having worked at that level. Best wishes for your Mphil submission and your future.:-)

Well, it's been a week since I made my decision and I am feeling amazing. I've given myself this week 'off' and have just pottered around, met up with friends, and got out in the fresh air.

Next week I start working out how to turn everything I've done into a masters and I try to find a job. But am now feeling really happy, confident and buoyant about the future.

No doubt getting it squared into a masters submission is not going to be easy and there'll be some frustrating times ahead, but I have absolutely not one shred of doubt that this was the right thing to do in my situation.

I'm pleased to hear things are working out for you now, and good luck with the job search and masters re-work!! :-)

Thanks JinKim

Angel, I was really sorry to read about the horrible day-outlined above- and the difficulties you had been facing. It does sound now that this experience has actually led you to reassess your life and priorities and you seem positive, happy and genuinely excited about the future. Best of luck with this and the final submission.

If this is of any consolation (that is if you need it), beginning back at work in my new role and juggling all of the study remaining in my Masters thesis; well-my priorities have been reassessed as well. I am determined to complete this Masters thesis in the next six months to the best of my ability and have certainly not ruled out doctorates in the future, but I know that I will need a couple of years 'think time' before I do and that is 'if I do'. The thing is...I had these unrealistic expectations of what the Phd was going to do for me-in terms of self-esteem and making up for some traumatic experiences in my life from earlier years. It is certainly not about that...anyway, my point being-

your posts show that you have made a really difficult decision and that there is life beyond the Phd-which is a really important goal and pathway for many-but certainly not the only one. And while achieving the Phd is a great accomplishment that anyone should be proud of-again it is not the only determiner of intellectual or personal worth-nor is it the only accomplishment out there. There are many ways to achieve and a myriad pathways to happiness, personal and intellectual growth and career development. So good luck Angel- and enjoy exploring your new freedom.

Thanks so much Pjlu, and everyone else that has offered support, things have continued to improve - I'm sleeping so well and have lost 1/2 a stone :-) I have also caught up with lots of friends and done a lot of walking. It's been great. My only regret now is that I should have made the decision sooner but, on the other hand, I needed to do that final push to prove to myself that a) I had really tried and b) it really was not what I want.

I am a very happy and relieved person now. I am reworking the thesis into an MPhil and doing job applications and generally getting my life back.

:-)

:-)(up)

I'm so pleased for you angelofthenorth! It's a very scary decision to make, I came very close several times and am stuck having to make another (different topic) decision at the moment! All the very very best of luck in converting to an MPhil, and I hope things keep going good as they are now :-)