That sounds daft about not being allowed on campus for essential support/treatment. I took a medical break 2 years ago and was never told I couldn't come onto campus. Yes I lost my library borrowing, but other than that I could still have meetings if need be with staff and support people. I would still recommend contacting the university counsellor and seeing if they can help you, and don't be deterred from seeking their help on campus. And this has gone on a long time. As I said I would recommend getting a second opinion from a GP on treatment. Medication in the short term can be very beneficial, while you seek a longer-term solution to things. But it's been so long now that your brain chemistry may have changed and benefit from drugs. I'm on anti-depressants for anxiety (either a result of my neurological disease or the aggressive treatment I have to take for it) and they make a huge difference to me, at an extremely low dose.

Thanks people. My supervisor has had a few meetings with me since I've been absent, but he's always met me in a coffee shop in town, because he said I'd get into trouble if I was seen on campus when I was supposed to be off sick. So I just assumed that was the rule or something. Maybe I will try to contact a counsellor at the university. I'm going to see my doctor again too, to ask yet again if there's any other treatment or support I could get. Apart from that, the only thing I can do is try to work on the thesis, because that's the only thing I actually have control of at the moment.

Try not to worry to much about extensions - the university and department make it a difficult and torturous process but ultimately it is in their interest to give you enough time to complete - especially as you have achieved a major bulk of the work. They have invested in you too - esp if you were funded - really they want that thesis by 7 years (which goes on the records), withdrawl's look worse than late completers. Also, think of it like a job - it would be extremely difficult for a company to sack you if you had time off for an illness. Depression is an illness and therefore you cannot work effectively at the moment. I would be extremely surprised if the University decided to kick someone out with an illness, mental or otherwise, I mean, imagine your case for discrimination. A doctor's letter would provide the necessary documentation that the university would need to grant the extension. Perhaps your doctor could write a letter explaining that you will be able to work - but at a reduced rate in order to complete which would not put undue stress upon you - ie go back to work but need a significant deal more time and a very gentle work plan. I know all this is really tough at the moment but there are always ways to make things better for you. It is very hard to get by with not much cash (in same boat!) and away from people, but I hope in this one area I can reassure you a bit. I've had many extensions. They do want you to finish!

My heart goes out to you. I've have an ongoing fight with depression so I understand some of what you are going through. Especially the way my supervisor treats me when I'm not doing so great. Sometimes she talks to me as she's worried that one wrong word from her and I'm going to disintegrate into dust right infront of her. These are the times when I need to know she supports me, but, perversely, when she is wary about approaching me. This could be the case with your supervisor. Although I have to say his comment about his former student that had cancer was utterly crass, and I am quite willing to travel to wherever your uni is and punch him squarely in the face.

Banned from the campus? What sort of draconian university do you go to?!! I've been on temp withdrawal for 12 months and have never been told this. I would check with the Postgraduate Office. I would also get in touch with your uni's student support department. Under the Disability Discrimination Act (in Britain) depression is considered a disability, and as such any refusal or inability to help a 'disabled' student is unlawful. I'm not saying that your uni is that bad, or that legal action is at all necessary, but I just wanted, in a roundabout way, to show you that they have a responsibility to help you.

I'm sorry, but your therapist sounds like an idiot. Not to talk about the cause of your depression? That's daft! I know I'm sounding a little litigious but you have reason to complain to your Primary Care Trust. If your uni has a counselling service make sure you get to access it. Until you get proper help from your doctor there are a few things that you can do to help - they have helped me. Eating is always a nightmare when you feel depressed but try to eat plenty of dark greens, fish oils (omega 3 v. good), things high in vitamin B, brown rice, nuts. Avoid, as comforting as they are, too many things containing white flour and/or sugar, caffeine etc. Google is your friend here.

You mentioned about the financial side of things and lack of transport. I'm going to assume that you're in Britain and say that the way that your depression is affecting your work and you life you should be able get a Disabled Students Allowance. The perception is that it just for computers and photocopying (which I get for dyslexia and ADHD) but it can also be used to help students with depression. This can be in the form of things like support to help you start writing again, sometimes it can be used for transportation (I know a girl who, because of a problem with her leg, can't walk up the hill to her campus so she is provided with a taxi to take her there and then home). I would urge you to speak to your student support/language and learning department about this. I'm not sure what the forum rules are about posting web addresses, but if you google 'disabled students allowance depression' you will get plenty of info about it, especially from The Student Room and Direct.gov.uk.

The NHS has a GP gym referral scheme that allows you to attend your local gym in classes that are only for people that have been referred due to their health. I'm doing this at the moment. I always dismissed the theory that exercise helps depression. Ooh, I hate being wrong! There are some good exercise DVDs on a well known 'South American' *ahem* retailer. They have some are £5 and split into 10 minute segments so that you don't have to do more than you can cope with. Failing that there are some great videos available on YouTube.

Sorry for the ramble. I hope that you can get the help and support you clearly deserve. Please remember, don't let anyone belittle what you've been through and how you now feel. Don't beat yourself up about not getting on with your writing. You will start writing again. It might not be for a few day, weeks or whenever, but you will. And when you do get your PhD the achievement will be all the great for the obstacles you have overcome.

I think your counsellor sounds absolutely, outrageously hopeless. I've suffered from depression at times too, and have had an excellent counsellor who has helped me work out why I've been depressed, and then worked with me to develop coping strategies, and then other longer term strategies. To say that there's no point in going over the past is outrageous!!! :-s And then to insist on you doing work and making you feel bad when you don't reach your targets really gets my goat! Grrr!! This counsellor sounds more like a bullying school teacher than a health professional. Do your best to find someone else - go to another town if need be, altho I understand you're short on funds. No wonder you're finding it hard to move on - we need to understand our past if we are to progress. Good luck, I hope you find some better help soon!

Mlis, I really feel for you. I've struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life, and I'm currently in a bit of a tricky phase myself. The worst thing you can do is berate yourself for being depressed, it will only make you feel worse. Would you sneer at yourself if you had a disabling physical complaint, would other people for that matter? As for the cancer remark, as others have already said, it was crass and way out of line, ignore it entirely.

In practical terms, could you contact student support and even your local social work dept? You need to find out what benefits or support you're entitled to and clarify your position with the university.
Next up, your doctor sounds no help at all. I've found that GPs vary a great deal, and few are good at all areas of medicine. With both physical and mental issues I've often had to try several before I've found one who truly helped (and these were all genuine health problems, not figments of my imagination as a poor first opinions would have had me believe!). See another GP and keep at it until you find one who really listens. The idea that you don't need medication because you had a clear trigger is so wrong it's not even funny. Yes you may have issues that need resolving them, but you may well need the support of medication to help you do that.
The counsellor doesn't sound as if they understand you or your needs, this kind of thing is very individual and again, don't feel bad for trying someone new. If the counsellor keeps setting you goals you can't meet then clearly that's not the approach you need. If money is tight then some private counsellors offer a means-tested pay scale. Look up local depression alliance and support groups too, you'll be amazed how much of a comfort these can be.

I couldn't help thinking as I read your replies, that you're just piling on so much pressure. Depression is hard to fight at the best of times, but coupled with this immense fear about your PhD, no wonder you feel as if you're drowning. Could you put the PhD aside for a while, tell yourself you're NOT going to try and write, and just focus on getting well first? Even for a few weeks, just give yourself a chance to let go of the guilt and the pressure, get a bit steadier then go back to trying to write. The way things are just now, I worry that you've gotten yourself in a cycle where you keep fulfilling your fears and setting yourself up for failure. We can only handle so much at any one time, and there's no shame in admitting that. I know the temptation is to compare yourself to everyone around and think "I'm such a failure, they're all coping" but the truth is many of us will experience mental illness at some point, it's not a reflection on your worth or your character.

Hi, i am really sorry to hear about your situation. I went through a similar situation last year just before my thesis was due with my then boyfriend (we were together for 4 years).  Along with writing my thesis, i was working at my job aswell as at a prestigious internship. I was just overworked and exhausted sleeping only 4 hours or less a night for several months. Then my ex who was a jerk to begin with (bad judgement on my part) just made the whole situation worse and treated me like crap like really badly and did some really horrible things and i fully thought i was going insane, crying all the time and just wanting to give everything up. However i would put on a brave face and go to work and university and stuff pretending like nothing was wrong.

I got to a point where i was just going nuts, so for two days i just went out to the park, shopping and doing things that i liked to do and just took some time to breathe.  During this time i took the time to reflect on everything and i realised what an idiot i had been crying over a guy who treated me like crap and wasting all that energy thinking about him when i could be using it to spend time with people who actually cared about me and concentrating on myself. Anyways, what im tryna say is obviously you are a bright and intelligent girl who has lots going for you (seriously how many people get into a PHD).  Don't waste this time over some guy who was not even worth your time to begin with. I know it takes time to get over someone you loved, but seriously life is too short to waste it on him. You are missing out on so much by dwelling over a guy who has clearly moved on. It was not meant to be and you should just accept it and realise that something way better is out there for you. This guy who is giving you lots of attention, don't feel guilty about it and don't compare him to your ex either.

I think you should get yourself into a routine with a schedule where you should excersise, write and reflect daily on yourself also if you are not already try going out at least 3-4 times a week and socialise with friends like have a coffee or something (it will help you to think about other things and have something to look forward to). Try and stick to a good routine it really helps! Also the best thing i found was to read novels to keep my mind off my ex at the time, getting absorbed into a really good novel helps or even a movie. Just try and keep yourself busy and focused get a hobby also wether it be baking, sports, charity work or anything you want to do. Anyways i know it takes time, it took me a while to get over everything but once i did i looked back in retrospect and realised how stupid i had been and that i actually considered dwelling over my stupid ex and wasting my potential and talents over someone who had the audacity to treat me the way he did. Don't throw your life away, you are worth too much! All the best and i hope this helps! :-)

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I am going to give you tough love.

How could you allow yourself to lose funding, to lose time and effort, to lose morale, to lose your supervisor's respect, to lose your academic standing, to lose yourself JUST FOR A MAN WHO IS A ROYAL P***K.

Do you know how many PhD students would DREAM of getting funding and you just wasted it?

And HOW did you allow yourself to USE depression as an excuse to slack off for more than a year and a half? Trust me, I live with anxiety disorder everyday of my life and I still fight to get myself through the day. But I never allow myself to fail myself.

So HOW could you let YOURSELF DOWN using depression and a fiance who cheated on you as VALID EXCUSES?

So take your meds for depression. And get yourself together ASAP and get on to work. Do NOT any more time to waste.

SOON you will find that you are back on track. And when you do, NEVER allow ANYTHING or ANYONE or ANY MAN to do this to you.

======= Date Modified 28 Oct 2009 15:59:09 =======
============= Edited by a Moderator =============
======= Date Modified 28 Oct 2009 15:58:35 =======
============= Edited by a Moderator =============
Phd_girl do you want to reword or rethink your reply?
It is difficult to get advice right and sometimes advice like this is a little strong, especially if you don't know the person involved or people who are reading it and how they will take it, it might make them feel worse and I'm sure that's not what you meant!
It's easy for posts like this to spiral out of control especially because  people add their own 'tone' and interpretation to things. Sometimes a harsh reality check is what people need sometimes it isn't!
If the person concerned is upset or offended the post can be removed but I think on this occasion it's up to them.

PGFT 

======= Date Modified 28 Oct 2009 16:07:48 =======
Oh dear... *shakes head* (EDIT - and not at the OP)

======= Date Modified 28 Oct 2009 16:28:03 =======
Hey Mlis. Please please please ignore the ignorant post a few below, whose author clearly has no clue what it is like to actually experience clinical depression. I don't think I have ever slated another person's post on this forum before because everyone has the right to their opinion but I feel very strongly about this one. I have bipolar disorder and have been admitted to hospital 9 times for this, for 2 or 3 months at a time. I have had medication, electric shock treatment (ECT) and years of psychotherapy- I know that depression isn't just about feeling a bit crappy and I know that you cannot just shake yourself out of it, so please don't feel like a failure because you aren't able to do this. At the worst of my illness I was so weak that I couldn't get out of bed (even to go to the loo) and my parents were trying to feed me off a teaspoon- this is the reality of severe depression. First thing's first- you need to look after yourself and get better, you cannot finish your PhD in the state you are in right now. What sort of help are you getting? You need to see your GP for an assesssment and also get access to some regular ongoing support that works for you, perhaps a different counsellor, mental health advisor or CPN. When you start to feel better you can start thinking about returning to your PhD work but for now you need to concentrate on looking after yourself. The professionals will be able to provide written reports supporting your need to take time out of your PhD. I dropped out of my year at uni 3 times when I was ill. The last time I was hospitalised was over 3 years ago and since then I obtained a first in my BSc, a distinction in my MSc, won a scholarship to fund my PhD, and have just had my first paper published. So things do get better with help and perseverence and you will finish your PhD and get your life back, but you need to get help. So just do your best, and ignore other people's ignorant views and thoughts about this. I hope that you are feeling better since your orignial post. My very best wishes and hugs, KB.

PhDgirl -I think you need to rethink your post. It is fabulous that you can manage so well with your anxiety disorder but you should not judge others on the basis of that. This attitude is terribly patronising and self-righteous.

Mlis my thoughts are with you. Do what you can to try and get a little done each day. I have found regular exercise to be a lifesaver so would recommend that. Also counselling really helps too in my experience. I have actually never used meds and managed it this way, but have heard they can help a lot. Just do whatever you feel works best for YOU, don't let others dictate that - but try to reach out to people who want the best for you when you need support. Take care.

I really did not think my post would be received this way and in hindsight, I do apologize for not being considerate enough with regards to depression.

I really don't undermine that you are going through clinical depression. If anyone should understand what you may be going through, it is me. So I do apologize for that and I am sure you're not using that as an excuse.

What I do not and will not apologize for is the stuff I said regarding your man... I am sorry but I do not understand women or men who cannot get themselves together when their partner is obviously not worth it and not interested. It's almost over a year... For me, it's the idea that we are too precious and too special to be wasting our times, efforts, and emotions on ex-partners who do not deserve any bit of it. So for that, you don't have an excuse...

I don't know. Maybe I am harsh. But this is the advice I would have given anyone or any friend. I don't know how to give advice any other way and I don't know how to soften or sweeten my words. They are real and sometimes a bit strong. But my intentions come from a good place and self-righteousness and being patronizing is not what I want. Especially not in a virtual world like this.

If you people cannot take my opinion, it's up to you. I have the right to say what I am saying because I believe it's the truth. And if the moderators want to delete my posts, then go ahead.

Maybe this is what she needed to hear... I don't know.

Mlis, again I am sorry a million times for the things I said about your depression. I take that back in full and I wish you a recovery. I hope you find it in yourself to believe in yourself. It's not just the meds. You need to help the meds by helping yourself get better.

All the best.