I think I may have a few things in common with you, kathryn. I am certainly introverted, a bit older, got a mortgage and not wanting to move around too much to chase jobs. I am still doing my PhD, and am not at all sure what the jobs market will have for me at the end of it. I hear you about hating having to sell yourself for poorly-paid jobs you could do standing on your head. Like HazyJane said though, getting a foot in the door with something more stable sounds a lot better than where you are now. It is frustrating that there aren't better options, but I think you would feel better even from having a steady and reliable income, which would take away some of the pressure you're feeling now. Unfortunately, we do all have to sell our personalities to a certain extent at interview (there's the famous line about interviewers deciding in the first 15 seconds whether they like us or not) so in the past I've just psyched myself up and gone for it - it gets easier with practice.

Hi Kathryn

Well done on getting your PhD and having spent 4 years teaching at your University and also having the qualifications and experience necessary to be an effective secondary teacher.

I am sensing a lot of psychological resistance to your situation.

You have to accept your life as it is right now.

All these comments like "I am an introvert and therefore can't do this and that" and "why should I have to do this and that" are negative and confrontational.

Life is not won through negativity or confrontation.

You have to accept your life as it is, otherwise you cannot overcome it.

Say "I accept my life" and "I accept whatever the universe throws at me".

This is the only way for you to unlock your latent power to overcome your obstacles.

Do this. Don't try to change you or your life. Accept your life. If you are kind to your life then your life will be kind to you.

Once you have done this the answer will come to you. The answer may not come straight away. Accept your life over and over until you have the answer. Then do it again.

No-one else can give you the answer.

Only when you accept the unvierse for what it is can you understand how to integrate it and bend it to your will.

Kathryn - however hard it is, I think you have to move on from wanting an academic job. Others have said that if you are seeing everything you go for as an unappetising plan B, then you're probably not presenting yourself as well as you can, and I think although the message is hard, they're right. Can you step back from defining yourself by your qualifications and think about what elements you'd want in a job to be happy? Maybe if you applied for things you'd like to do, rather than things you think you ought to apply for because of the fit with your background, it would be less of a stretch to be enthusiastic in an interview. That 'what colour is your parachute book' is irritating in many ways but maybe working through something like that would help you to think more positively about your options.
No idea what sort of research you did, or what type of industry there is where you live (and if staying there is important as it clearly is to you, then that is a life choice - one that might limit things but we all know there are pay-offs in life) but how about university administrative jobs (rationale - there are some interesting ones and they are open to employing PhDs), scientific civil service (again lots of Phds), are you close enough to retrain slightly as a data scientist for the big data jobs? Or might you like teaching better if it was f/t in a school of your choosing? There's a shortage of maths teachers apparently and a comp sci friend did a subject enhancement course to let him teach maths, so that might be an option.

I totally get that you wanted to go into academia and it's disappointing that you haven't made it. But, there are tonnes of computing jobs which would relish someone who has a PhD and are interesting and fulfilling - i.e. not tech support related positions. Heck, there are loads of industry-based research positions available too (e.g. Microsoft Research, BAE, Thales, etc.)

I'm doing a PhD in Computer Science and am working as an academic at the same time. Most of my friends who have done PhDs in Computer Science are now in awesome, fulfilling and interesting jobs that use their skills. I'm surprised you have been unable to find anything that interests you. Where are you looking? Do academics in your old uni have any contacts in industry? The undergrads must be getting jobs from somewhere... can't they help you out?

I respectfully disagree.

Yes we can regret spending the money, spend the 3 years (or longer), and the stress. That's fine to regret that.

I still maintain, however, that personal and professional skills will never be taken away from you post-PhD. It's not a case of polishing a turd, if you'll excuse the expression. I just can't envisage ever seeing my PhD skills/experience as a negative thing.

Sure, if I end up working in retail where not even a Bachelors is required, I'd think "why on earth did I bother?", but I'd still be subconsciously using the skills I'd picked up along the way.

Intellectually, the PhD might never be useful again, but a PhD is so much more than that.

Kathryn,

Dare I say, been there got the T-shirt. I ended up in your situation due to a very poor post-doc experience at a Uni. other than my PhD Uni. I'll not bore people with the story, however, I took on what was meant to be a "moving on" 2nd post-doc away from my PhD Uni., I fell out with a post-doc assigned with my mentor and ultimately the project leading Prof. I left without a reference, making my job hunting especially difficult. Put simply, my face didn't fit and they should never have employed me as I was not suited to the post.

The feelings you are having are vitually the same as mine back then. I felt that what I had to offer was worthless and I had a skills set no-one wanted. I attacked the jobs market for both academic and real world posts. The responses you'll recognise, in that I was too academically oriented, I would move on as soon as something better came along or I'd find the job boring.

In the end, I restructured my CV to emphasise my real world skills, demoting my academic achivements largely to the second page. I also learnt how to better sell myself. Wording in CVs and interviews should be about what you achieved and what positive outcomes resulted, rather than about "what you did". I made the language more positive and saleable as well. I had per-PhD industrial experience to fall back on, helping me to finally land a job albeit outside academia.

A further factor was I was called back to my PhD Uni. for some unpaid work, which helped reset my references. You have teaching experience, thus you might become a trainer in industry.

One key difference between you and I. I never regreted the PhD iitself, an orignal contribution, new knowledge, the reasons I did a PhD. And all that fun kit to play with too I never thought I have the chance to use. No regrets!!!

Ian