Hey guys, i want to email my supervisor to let him know what i've been doing so far- but i dont know whether to send an email or a report- my findings are kinda all ovr the place so not really sure about a report...basically i just wanna contact him and let him know i'm still alive and actually doing some work, regardless of irrelevant it may be...

Aim for tomorrow

Wake up 9-9.30ish. And start drafting an email i need to send my sup telling him exactly what i have researching for the past month- its going to be quite detailed.

I do hope to finish around 7pm so i can go to watch the movies and watch Batman Begins as a treat!!

Right now- will read until 2am as i have done hardly anything all day.

hey frankie am in exact same position- tried doing a 9-5 yesterday- but really i can only concentrate for 30 minutes max and then get distracted- i managed to read a few chapters of a book- all in all i studied for a total of 3-4 hours. Trouble is, and this happens alot, i finished at 2am so i ended up getting at 12noon- so its all over the place!!

I used to be really diciplined and could work all day and night a few years back but now my brain just refuses to do this. I think as long as you study even 3-4 hours, at any time during the day than that is something- i have decided to study 6-10 today, or at least i hope i will...

thanks lara- your commnts are so helpful, especially about how to note take. I guess my problem at the moment is that the material i have points to som many different things and issues and constructing one common theme/thread is impossible.

There is one book i'm reading- it has got to be the most boring book i have ever read- every time i read it, i instantly forget its contents (its that boring), which means i have to read it again and again...i can't ignore it though as its directly related to my research topic- it gives a very broad overview of the issues i need to address. But still its torture reading it- all that quantative analysis (which i loathe) and those figures...cant bear it. no wonder i procrastinate

wow- you all work so hard. Just wanted to ask does study time also include trying to figure out what needs done, read etc? Or does it only include time writing up, reading etc? At the moment, i'm going round in circles, reading bits here and there.

I tried to do a 9-5 yesterday- you know treat it like a normal job and then stop at 5. But i find that i can only focus for short periods of time- 30 minutes i'm ashamed to say. In total i got about 3 hours done- and read one full chapter of a book which for me is a huge achievement.

Today- its 1.30 still not started even though woke up at 10am. Trying to start though...

and jouri, i do understand your point of view. But at the same time, i think it can be so helpful to hear that you are not alone. I discovered this forum in Dec. 2006 4 months after my leave began and i was so shocked- and relieved to find that i was not the only. i realised that maybe i wasn't stupid and hopeless, that in fact this was quite common. i realise that this is not a forum to help those with suicidal feelings- thats for the professionals. But sometimes just hearing that others have had similar problems can relieve the huge burden and pressure that is part and parcel of a phd.

As for how i've tried to get back into studying- my supervisor is so supportive that he set me up a specific theme as a starting point. i have written down the exact issues and themes, questions i need to examine and 'set up' 4 chapters, and trying to study according to them, which of course is difficult but got to start somewhere.

I am in london every two weeks at the BL- was dreading it at first but i find that i do much more work there than when back at home. I should really move down there but i just want to break into it all slowly

the second supervisor wants to wash his hands off me completely- but the first supervisor is like 'pay him no attention' lol.

I do respect my supervisor alot- anybody else would have said 'quit now, it's pointless' but he keeps on telling me he wants me leave with something at least. I think if his attitude was different i would have quit long ago. i remember meeting him last year, a full year after my leave, telling him it was pointless, but he was so calm and collected, trying to find 'solutions'

As for my return, i am trying, studying away, but it is very slow and i have periods of severe dread and anxiety but i accept them and let them pass. I try to add more things to my life now- like the part time job, going to the gym, medication.

despite everything he still wants to continue- despite my depression and so on. He even confided in me that he had his 'moments' too. He has suggested everything to make my life easier- get a part time job, exercise, study for only 3-4 hours a day ( even though i literally have to start from scratch and hand something in by 2010). He taught me at Masters level- when i was 'at my best' so he knows that i do work hard. I have always been intimidated by him but this experience has shown me how supportive and nice he is.

like smilidon, i told my supervisor nothing. I had two supervisors- the main one went away on reasearch during my first year for his own research, the other supervisor i simply could not confide in as he has very specific ideas about what a good student is like. It was only in mid 2nd year did my main supervisor know about anything- and he still pushed me to continue- but i wanted to quit, whereas he said take time out- which i did and has lasted nearly two years

i do apologise if a rambling on but i do know what you are going through and how horrible it is....trust me, right now stop thinking about the phd, funding etc and focus on getting better first so you can actually deal with these things.

difficult one- i have started studying again, i do find it daunting, overwhelming and forget things easily but i've only just started again so i accept that i'm rusty...but one thing i do notice is that when i actually get on with the studying i'm fine, my anxiety is not so bad, and i find that when i do start to really freak out and get depressed i am able to convince myself it is a 'moment' that will pass...and it does. If you receive the necessary help and support you too will find it easier i think- like i said cognitive therapy is effective in treating depression.

focused on just getting better, i maybe would have been well enough to return sooner....so the main point is don't get caught up in that vicious cycle. You are on a break right now, so treat it like one (which means NOT reading any phd material, like i tried to do). Just get yourself better, if finances are a problem get a job in a shop or something and generally just take it slow.

As for that fear of whether you will fall ill again if you go back to your phd, that is a fear i too live with everyday and it is a

from experience, the only advice i can give you is to focus on the small things like a part time job. Trust me, constantly thinking 'i need to get better quickly so i can go back to my phd and fix things' will only make things worse...as i have found. When i first took leave in 2006, i just kept on saying to my therapist 'hurry up and fix me so i can go back to my phd', that was the one thing consuming my mind....with the result that i have had extend what was a six month suspension int two years...had i not thought like that and

but i'm giving it a go....a few months ago when i was still really ill i got a job in a bookshop to get my mind off it and also for the money...it has helped tremendously and i suggest you consider also taking on a stress free job at the moment and build up your confidence again- it will keep you mentally and financially afloat.

I received cognitive behavioural therapy to try and change my thinking...have you received similar support?