It really was the worst day of my life. But, 2 years on, upon reflection I'm beginning to accept that it was my very first presentation, so it was always going to be flawed. Pity I did not accept this sooner as I ended up taking leave from my PhD a couple of months later because i was so overwhelmed by such situations, being surrounded by amazing professors etc. I may go back in the future if i sort out my confidence issue. But still the thought of answering questions after a presentation terrifies me- what a nightmare!!

i went through the exact same thing 2 years ago at a conference in Singapore. Lots of students and lecturers. My presentation was fine (I had it all written down). But, like you, my mind went totally blank when asked questions. Totally. I could not answer a single question, there was just a stunned silence in the room, the main lecturer actually had to help me understand the questions cos i was so nervous.

What made it unbearable was that every other student's presentation and their 'Question Time' at the end went perfectly. They all sounded confident, well spoken, perfect. I felt like such an outsider, it was horrible everbody giving me the 'pity' look.

A BB house full of phd students- maybe they would become so popular with the viewers that the entire nation would go phd-mad and there would be a tremendous increase in the number of phd applications. Or, more likely, a national helpline would have to be set up for the poor viewers, what with the tears, doubt, late nights and tantrums that are part of a phd!!!

I think Gerry or Liam will win BB. As for the others, nobody can be that 'thick'- they just trying to play the game and do a Jade Goody, who did very well by adopting the 'thick' tag. And Charley speaks SO fast- I can't make out what she is saying half the time.

Hey RogueAcademic,

Don't laugh but I was convinced at PhD level you must 'know it all'. Everywhere I looked, I got the impression that other students knew exactly what they were doing and I felt like a 'fraud'. So I desperately tried to hide my concerns by not saying anything. I'm a really shy person so I didn't speak to other students/lecturers- i guess this proved to be my downfall.

It is only now, after having discovered this forum 2 or 3 months ago, that I have discovered that all students are in the same boat. If only I had found a site like this 3 years earlier....

Sorry if I am going on a bit but I know (as do the users of this forum) what you are going through and how horrible it can be to have no worthwhile findings. I have only just begun to speak to my supervisor (whom i previously feared) and use the uni services- and I wish I had done all this at the beginning. My interest in research has waned significantly since i started in 2004 but had I just sorted it out earlier then i know that i would still be passionate about my phd.

Whatever you decide, talk to someone first.

Maybe you think research is not for you simply because you are struggling at the moment. But if you speak to your supervisor or your uni you may find that things are not that bad, and if they are, then you know how to fix them. And if you come to the conclusion that research is not for you, then at least you have the peace of mind knowing that you made a conscious decision to leave because it's what you want, rather than leaving because things are not going well.

I urge you not to make the same mistake. Sort out everything now. You may think you're supervisor will just tell you that you are doing fine, but he will be able to help and assist you in any way he can. If you don't want to speak to him/her, then speak to an academic advisor or counsellor at your university- these people are there to help you, by talking to them you will figure out if research is for you or not. At the moment, it seems that you are making decisions on your own, which can be quite tricky when you are feeling down and convinced you have not done any worthwhile research.

Hi Lexy245,

So sorry to hear about your dilemma. I've been through (and am still going through) exactly the same thing, except I'm supposed to be in my 3rd year (I wanted to quit at the end of 2nd year, things were that bad, but have been told to take time out to think things over). The main reason why I let things get out of control was because I did not to tell anyone about my doubts and research struggles- not my supervisor, not my family or my university.

As for your current situation working in a restaurant- it's only temporary, many successful people have had to experience many 'glitches' along the way but it only makes them more determined to succeed- they appreciate their success more too. So just keep trying- you'll find your way sooner or later

Hey badhaircut, hope you are well. Have you tried to get help from your university's career service? I know you have already finished your phd but graduates are still allowed to go back for careers advice.

I have recently started making use of my careers service and spoke to a brilliant careers advisor....there are so many options and opportunities out there! There are books/leaflets which discuss life after a phd, the next step for phd students etc. As well as info about casual jobs etc etc.

I know this is really simple and basic advice that you probably already know but its better to stay proactive and take charge of your career and where you want it to go. Maybe you already know where you want to go career wise but maybe you just need a guiding hand to point you in the right direction.

spot on

I would also like to add that the academic community is very small (compared to other professions) and thus very competitive, which can be a problem especially for fainthearted individuals when they are up against more confident and, dare I say 'ruthless' students, vying for the same things- so again depression, insecurity sets in.

As for mental health problems being swept under the carpet by supervisors, I agree- but it is like that in every profession, where you have to keep quiet about it.

This is such an interesting thread- Remember to add all this in your book kronkodile

As for support services- when I began my phd, i had a vague idea of how tough it would be (there was a class on it) but the general consensus for me was 'but you are a good student, you will be just fine'. And that was it. These classes do tell you that it is going to be difficult- but they never give any suggestions on how to deal with it- other than 'stick at it, it will be an exciting time of discovery and growth'. They never talk about counselling, support,forums etc- there is just this assumption that 'you've got this far, you'll be fine'

Referring to an old article, doing a phd means you kind of get locked in 'The Ivory Tower' and all the isolation and uncertainty it brings. For me that isolation was made worse because i was socially inept- the 'outside world', normal job, friend, was, and is, a complete mystery to me. When this happens you want to hide behind your books even more.

To me, phd and depression go hand and hand because of the status a phd brings- it is the ultimate prize, and to see the prize slipping away inevitably leads to insecurity. My own personal case was such that all my life I have been the 'geek who studies nonstop', I could not really fit in socially anywhere so i sought comfort in academic things. I may be wrong, but depression may occur because our identities are so strongly shaped by academia- when it is under threat we fear the worst.